About Olddoug

Olddoug

Thanks for enquiring, I have had a very good day with my daughter walking in the bush at Girakool national park. I have a very good support team around me with my family and also the palliative care team. I just like to express how I feel sometimes as its good to let it out. I adopt the Ostridge head in the sand principal as that seems to be the best way to cope. I am a very lucky old man and am aware of this having a lovely wife two beautiful children and four grandchildren and I live in an area with lots of doctors that are easy to access. You guys do a great job and its appreciated. Regards Doug

Olddoug

This Beast is getting stronger every day. I'm getting weaker and weaker. I'm tired. I'm very, very tired. I don't know what to say. My coughing is driving me crazy. I'm exhausted. I can't be bothered. Everything's an effort? Sometimes I feel like just succumbing for some peace. Is it worth it? Fighting on. Knowing that You can't win! Knowing that it will win. So, what's the point? What's the point of fighting on when you know you’re going to lose. I don't know. This beast is very strong. Right now, I'm not sure how long I can keep fighting. I'm very tired. I feel useless. Absolutely useless. I can't do much. I cough. I run out of energy. I can't even do much housework. I can't do anything around the house. I can't do stuff outside. I can't walk much anymore. This is shitty, This Beast has made my life, shitty. I don't know what to do. I guess I will just carry on because that's what we do. Anyway. Enough of my winging. I'll try and get to sleep, but it's not going to happen. Its just wishful thinking. Ps I am ok just expressing how I feel as it helps

Olddoug

Hi, I have learnt one thing about cancer treatment and that is if you dont click with your oncologist change immediately. I persisted with the lady I was with and she would not do things I wanted it was her way or the highway. I have recently spoken to another oncologist and he has told me it was possible to get the treatment the way i wanted. I should have changed early. You must also remember its your body. they wanted to pull all my teeth out before radiation and I said no. three years later they are still in my head. you must trust your instincts and do what you feel is right for you. dont be bullied by your doctors. get them to explain and take your time , ask lots of questions till you are satisfied. I have learnt a lot over the last four years as I was given 9 months to live if I did not have treatment after the head and neck cancer spread to my lungs. three years later its starting to get a bit knarly but the palliative care team are great. Good luck with what ever you decide and I am also scared its normal to be. find some sort of outlet , writing, singing, screaming walking who knows. I am 68 and doubt I will make it to 69, but who knows I just take each day at a time and write lots of stuff to get it out of my system. Doug

Olddoug

Grunting, moaning, coughing, hacking to near exhaustion every muscle writhing and spasming with each cough. The bile rising like fire in my mouth, disgusting and bitter, my body’s reminder that I am not in control. Sitting there begging me to take it, this small blue tablet will make all this go away, why do I hesitate: This small tablet, this tiny tablet that will take me into a pleasant place where I can relax and rest. My mouth starts to dry. My head starts to drift. My mind starts to fire, taking me on an unwanted journey. I lie here Awake, relaxed, no coughing, my skin crawling with ants. My brain is hazy; the occasional cough jolts me back into existence and then I slowly drift off again into this cycle of madness.

Olddoug

Coughing so hard you feel like you’re dying, every part of your body exhausted, dying slowly in front of your wife is not nice. I have no energy I just want to sleep; would death be better than this slowly dying in front of my wife. My mouth is dry, my gums are receding, who knows where all this is leading. The morphine is great, it helps for a while but soon it all becomes too real again, this slowly dying in front of my wife. But wait just a minute, it’s all about me, what must it be like for the person who is watching their best mate slowly dying— helpless hands, a breaking heart, wanting to fix what cannot be fixed, The love of my wife is what gives me life I just hope she’s ok What more can I say. The end

Olddoug

I dont represent anyone. I am not sure what you are talking about as I don't really know how to use this forum so I might have missed something. Anyway I hope all goes well for you. Doug

Olddoug

Thanks heaps for that, It makes me feel a bit better hearing that you went through a bad time and came out ok. I decided to talk to my oncologist and she was very understanding and suggested I get some therapy before going ahead. All the best Doug

Olddoug

Thanks for the feedback, I also appreciate your prayers. Doug

Olddoug

Hi, I have just recovered, well still recovering from throat cancer and had a horrible time of it. I ended up in emergency a few times and got very sick. I had bad luck with every procedure and have been left with ptsd. I have now been told I have lung cancer and need chemo and imuno but not sure I can go through with it. the main reason is I reacted badly to the chemo and also the Peg I had put in was totally disabling for me and got badly infected many times. When I wanted to get it out there was no one at the hospital to do it so i had to go to a private doctor and get it ripped out. not nice. So I am not sure I can go through the two year of treatment and am especially freaked out about the thing that has to be implanted in my chest for two years. the decision to get treatment or not haunts me day and night. Anyway , I feel a little better for venting, thank Doug. 🤔

Olddoug

I'm Doug's wife and I appreciate your advice too. We are starting with the nutritional info and exercise. thank you !

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