Loss of my best mate

[Ben42]

Hi my father passed away 2 months ago today from colon cancer and today is also his birthday. I was his full time carer for the last 4 months of his life so he could stay at home in his own surroundings where he was comfortable. This disease is horrendous on sufferers family and carers my father was my best mate in this world it was only me and him from when I was a child so the pain of his loss is unbearable.. I left my job to look after him so he could be at home til the end . I have no regrets as we spent those last 4 months together and trying to support one another like we did throughout life although I now have the task of trying to rebuild my life . I have no job , financially ruined and most days struggle to get out of bed. I haven't left the house in 5 weeks, I don't have any real friends and the people I do know change the subject every time I try and discuss my dad or what watching him die has done to me.  I have lost several family members and friends to this disease and I understand that so many people are going through what I am and so many people are suffering from cancer.. I keep to myself but I thought it might help posting here to try and talk about my feelings and share with others suffering loss of a loved one. Where to from here I don't know my prayers and thoughts are with everyone affected by this horrible disease .....

[Budgie]

Hi Ben42,

I think you did the right thing in reaching out to this group.   Friends quite often don't know what to say on the topic of cancer & death, so they don't say anything.  For a lot of people death is too confronting & they don't want to put themselves in a position which might make them feel vulnerable or uncomfortable, so they clam up.  Then they have less & less contact with you because they know you will want to talk about it. It may be only people who have lost someone who meant a great deal to them that can communicate about death on the same wave length as you.

I know it's hard to muster up strength to leave the house, but sitting at home & not venturing out is probably the worst thing you can do.   Take a walk in the morning, get some sunshine (before winter sets in) as it's amazing how that can lift the spirits.   Go to the library or put your name down to volunteer at a hospital/cancer clinic near you.  You never know, you may find it helpful for you to be helping others who are going through what you have been through.   

Take care of yourself Ben, as life goes on.

Best wishes

Budgie