My Mum Has Passed - Need Advice

[Bonniebluebell]

Hi All!

My Mum had a long battle with cancer. She was injected with experimental hormones to stop her growing between the ages of 11 & 14 (class action proceeding) which caused many health problems and was the underlying cause of obesity, fertility issues, and breast/uterine/skin/secondary bone cancer/vascular dementia. She was so so strong and fought these cancers for 20 years but succumbed 2 weeks ago. It was a horrible drawn out process and the last 48 hours were just horrendous. I'm the only functioning Adult in my immediate family so I threw myself into organising her cremation service and then memorial. Both were very beautiful. The memorial was held on Friday in the Botanic Gardens and was a perfect send off for her. Everyone said it was perfect and I'm so grateful that I was able to honour her life and her spirit.

But now I'm home and there is still so much to do with legal/financial/next steps and I have collapsed with grief. I don't want to speak to anyone or talk to anyone. I don't want to get out of bed, or eat, or function. I'm irritable with my husband and my 9yo. I feel like this is a necessary part of the process but I guess I don't know. I just want to run away and pretend this isn't happening. I'm consumed with grief and I don't know whether to sit with it or seek help or just keep crying. Can anyone relate? Thanks.

[LindaG]

Hi Bonniebluebell, so sorry you lost your wonderful mum in such a hard way. No wonder you are so overwhelmed with grief, it’s only been two weeks! You must still be exhausted too. Just don’t expect to get over the loss in a hurry. You are normal and crying is a part of it. I cried for weeks when my dad died suddenly and then mum died after being sick for so long and I’m still missing her so much. Hope your family can just support you for a while. Take care of your self 😘. Linda G 

[David76]

I was similar when my dad died almost 6 years ago. The legal finance stuff helped take my mind off things. You can only deal with one emotion at a time and when you're idle, it's like standing in front of a stormwater surge. So try and find useful things to keep busy for a while. Slowly you'll sort through all your emotions. Just go at  your own pace too. I found donating / discarding possessions was the hardest part. So it may be better to concentrate on less emotional things like organising the deceased estate / finances, filing cabinets., etc. things whereby you can put yourself on autopilot and don't require too much mental energy.