My husband died from general skin cancer that he fought valliantly for many many years. When we initially received the terminal diagnosis and throughout his 6 months of palliative radiotherapy he became very withdrawn, angry; pushing me away and raged against all that I was offering. Like others I sought counselling to adjust my behaviours as what I was doing only seemed to cause more angst and grief. He also on my 50th birthday and on our 27th wedding anniversary continued to push me away with anger - all I believe to be directed towards making his final steps of less impact - as if they ever would.
It is so very very lonely to lose the love of your life and to know they lose all of us - they do not give up the fight, valliantly challenging the beast with all that they have - just sometimes the arrows are relentless regardless of their commitment.
My strive to believe that they remain with us and there for us when needed. It's just that I am so very selfish and sorely miss his physical presence that I am raging against totally accepting his new journey.
I have been told hearing is the final sense to go... Craig's IPod had been blaring out his music choices non-stop for 5 days both at home and during his final 3 days in palliative care and during his last hours, every song of the 600+ that are recorded were ones that he either loved, held close and sang along to....something to hold on to - keep talking, TAPPS: tolerance, acceptance, patience, persistence and self-control....not easy but so very very true.
