Post grief after 2 years

[artofwar]

My beautiful mum passed away on December 2021. She never got to meet my son or see me get married which all happened a year after 2022.

I have been through so much during my mums  cancer that i had never even thought about what it would be like once shes gone. Even though that sounds strange. I see mums with their grandkids at the shops or playgroup and i get deeply hurt mine is gone. I often think lung cancer was a cruel way for her to pass also. I often have moments of silience and even though im religious i cant help but blame god sometimes (who else to blame?) Obvioisly thier are kids that also get cancer and i think why god? This disease is hell and effects everyone.

I dont have a village or a supportive family. I was an only child and carried this weight for a while. But post greiving is another level or hell. Its kind of like we took the only person in the entire world who birthed you raiserd you and loved you uncondotionally and now you watch them suffer and die. Also you will now be a motherless mother yourself with noone to guide you. This hurts me so deeply. Even if i reach out to a psycholigist or whatever they dont really understand it unless they been through it. Their is also no cure for greif except 'time'. Everyones Parent do eventually pass away but cancer is really horrible to watch take your parents life. Sometimes i just want to drink until drunk and feel all the pain instead of bottling inside but i have a small child who i guess saved me. (A gift from my mum).

This post has no intention

 Just my everyday thoughts i wanted to share.

[Felicity_CCNSW]

Hi @artofwar , 

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. Especially at a time when you have your own child and would love to have her there with you. I hear from your post that your child gives you strength amongst the grief. Children are wonders at being in the present moment and focusing on the here and now. I like to imagine that grief and joy are interwoven. Our grief helping us to notice the moment of joy in our lives. 

I know you mentioned that it is difficult to talk about grief. It can be helpful to speak with a professional who has expertise in grief. I would recommend speaking with Griefline. 

You can also call our Cancer Information and Support Line at Cancer Council on 13 11 20. 

Here is some useful information about Grief that may be helpful. 

Please take care and reach out to us at Cancer Council. 

Felicity

Cancer Council Online Moderator