trying to cope

[Patches]

Feeling totally lost and alone.  Lost my husband to pancreatic cancer in April last year following a 6month battle which saw him in hospital for approx half of that time.  he passed away 1 month before his 64rd birthday.  we had be married for 4.5 years and don't have any children.  I have 2 step sons as my husband was married in his early 20's.  following his diagnosis the eldest step son was very supportive, he doesn't drive and lives approx 3hr drive away but used to travel down on public transport during the week and his partner used to drive him down on weekends.  we also used to talk on the phone at least once a week.  I have had almost no contact from this step son since the day of his dad's funeral.  I am an only child and both my parents are deceased.  

First few months after my husband died I didn't feel too bad.  I returned to work the week after his funeral, I had been on leave from work for few months prior to his passing.  

starting about 1month ago I am finding I constantly feel lost and alone.  I wake nearly every morning now thinking about my late husband and burst into tears.  feel like I have lost my self confidence as ever little thing upsets me and has me feeling scared with worst case "what if" scenarios running through my mind.  I try to do things to distract my mind in hope they might cheer me up but the happiness I feel from these things is only short lived.  

[MyheroCoolSpy]

I am truly sorry for your loss. You might wanna divert your thoughts into something bubbly so that you won't feel so alone. It is hard since you are missing your late husband and the memories, but if you think of happy ones it will lighten you. You may also want to start hobbies that will help you recover and meet with a few trusted friends to come over. 

[PeterK]

Hi Patches
Thank You for sharing your journey that’s very special and personal, it’s so hard accepting loss, and all that goes with the grief process it takes time, courage, strength and so many other words, but support is so very important are there support groups in your area, hobby groups that could provide a time out for U time.
I wish U all the very best and send U BIG HUGS back to U, for U and with U.
Rich Blessings Always Peter 🌺💖🌺💖

[Purpleheart23]

I’m so sorry for the awful experience you have had to endure. I lost my father to pancreatic cancer (complications from his Whipple actually ) and my sister has major begun hospice care and is stage four pancreatic cancer. Has your step son contacted you since this post? All I can say is family are so important arent they as you know from the terrible loss you have experienced . I am thinking of you and I hope you have some positive supports around you here to chat if you ever need

[Patches]

Purpleheart23, I have had no contact with my step son during this entire year.  I have a lot of cousins in the town I live in and have been able to spend some times and days with some of them.  This year my own general health has not been good and I have had to have some medical treatments.  I am still physically recovering from the most recent medical treatment, specialist is happy with my progress.  I