trying to cope

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trying to cope

Feeling totally lost and alone.  Lost my husband to pancreatic cancer in April last year following a 6month battle which saw him in hospital for approx half of that time.  he passed away 1 month before his 64rd birthday.  we had be married for 4.5 years and don't have any children.  I have 2 step sons as my husband was married in his early 20's.  following his diagnosis the eldest step son was very supportive, he doesn't drive and lives approx 3hr drive away but used to travel down on public transport during the week and his partner used to drive him down on weekends.  we also used to talk on the phone at least once a week.  I have had almost no contact from this step son since the day of his dad's funeral.  I am an only child and both my parents are deceased.  

First few months after my husband died I didn't feel too bad.  I returned to work the week after his funeral, I had been on leave from work for few months prior to his passing.  

starting about 1month ago I am finding I constantly feel lost and alone.  I wake nearly every morning now thinking about my late husband and burst into tears.  feel like I have lost my self confidence as ever little thing upsets me and has me feeling scared with worst case "what if" scenarios running through my mind.  I try to do things to distract my mind in hope they might cheer me up but the happiness I feel from these things is only short lived.  

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