Good morning Rick,
What went wrong? As you know, I'm an IT Guy. It is never a problem with the software. It's the end user. Never too bright. Doesn't pay attention. Thinks he knows what he's doing.
Same story. Instead of software, there is a drug, but in this scenario, I am a user. In a nutshell, I wasn't too bright, I didn't pay attention and I thought I knew what I was doing.
Pssst ! Rookie!
I got confused with what I was fighting. Chemo is supposed to hurt. Chemo sucks balls. It is certainly not supposed to make me feel like I'm walking on sunshine. By comparison, I expected it would make me feel like I was walking on the sun... or at least Mercury. Probably in reality, a hot tin roof, but I prepared myself for a walk across the sun.
Yay me. I passed another test demonstrating I can be tough and brave instead of inteligent and strategic. Guess by my tone. Am I a little hard on myself?
The lesson I take away from this is, it is possible to be tough enough and be brave enough to some serious damage, if not kill yourself in the process.
What else? There is a line in the sand. Crossing it is defeating it's purpose.
What else? When you reach the line in the sand, take the appropriate action.
Too cryptic for readers? I should stop beating around the bush and spit it out. It's probably because I'm a little (with sarcasm) embarrassed that I let this happen. But I shouldn't let it get me down. I'm feeling much better this morning. I've got a lot of positivity. It's a big beautiful blue sky outside my window. Speaking of which, Canberra gets more sunny days per year than the Barossa, attributing to the local fine shiraz. Which, I will add is stunning with cheese.
Mmmmm. Cheese 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🍷
Right! Get on with it!
Fight cancer with Chemo. Don't fight chemo. It will make you feel bad, but it can be worse. It is a toxin for your body. I was trying to ride it out instead of saying too much. That's not the point of chemo. It is kind of a suck it and see approach. If it's not destroying you... fine. If it's destroying you, let's reassess. I didn't understand that.
I think of myself as having an easy cancer. Cut it out and all gone. Then chemo for 3 months as an insurance policy. I feel like am arse talking about it because so many people reading have much longer treatments and greater life impacts than I can expect. So it kind of makes me feel I shouldn't complain and just accept what's coming. Who want's to be marked as the lucky guy who get's off easily and still whines about it. Not me, but that's how I feel. Maybe the mistake is comparing my journey to others' and forgetting that my journey is unique.
Bringing me to the last point. When to say when. A new phil-osophy. Instead of trying to identify if I've reach the line in the sand, ask someone else if they think I have. I wasn't aware I jumped over it and charged ahead. I wasn't experienced enough to know when too much was dangerous. I should have asked the people who deal with it on a daily basis. But.. you know... I didn't want to be a bother.
😐
Sorry to hear you're in hospital. I'm going to send you an email separately. 
