Thank you all. Yes, Claire, people have commented on how well I look and I attribute it to the bio oil. My daughter in law bought it for me to heal the scar on my neck but I wasn't able to use it on the scar throughout radiotherapy. Luckily I still have more hair, just thinned out a bit during treatment. I think I should write to Dettol, be put on commission and develop their anti bacterial cream into a wonder cream for burns. I'm just really happy that even one thing, helps someone else.
I also think the Victorian Cancer Council needs to work on its website. My surgeon said after giving me the diagnosis, Just keep doing whatever it is you do. I found that unhelpful. Whatever I was doing - and I was always eating healthy - had given me cancer so his trite comment did not help me at all nor give me any hope. Even now I'm finding it difficult to eat. I have no appetite and everything tastes like nothing. I feel like I am in a slump nutritionally. I have a dietician supplied chocolate drink that is packed with nutrition and even struggle to drink two of those a day. I think I'm feeling a bit hopeless about food. Too many questions and dilemmas. Everything seems as if it will give you cancer, is carcinogenic or not worth eating. I'm hoping this is just because of a lack of appetite anyway and will improve in the coming weeks. Last night I at a slice of garlic pizza with a knife and fork. Tiny, tiny pieces cut up to be able to swallow it. Took ages and it seems too difficult to eat anything substantial.
I agree that getting out in the garden helps to reconnect you with life. I feel as if I've lived in this quiet bubble for many, many weeks and it's a little hard to emerge. Kept wondering what normal would look like and feel like. It was a bit harsh and confronting! My hearing has become far more sensitive than it used to be. I really did find last night's noise level extremely high. I think today I will retreat back into that bubble for a while and just recover. I bought myself two beautiful cookery books on patisseries and baking. I think I will go off on a journey of cooking over the next few weeks and months. I found invitations to go and do "stuff" with other people difficult too. I've had to say that I don't know what the next two weeks in particular will bring but I've been warned by health professionsals that the after affects could possibly be difficult. I think I need to get to a point where I'm confident in myself to go out and about again in a normal way. Luckily, the school holidays are coming up. I won't be taking the grandchildren and dogs away these holidays as that would be way too much normal for me right now. I will just have the kids here and the age range is 15 to 9 for all 11 of them. One of my children usually take time off so we can go away but this term everyone's a bit tight on holiday leave.
This is the part I love most with my grandchildren. Going away with them and the dogs. I'm always looking for scary films to show them. A few years ago I took the Poltergeist away with us. They almost lost their minds. They loved being scared to death but two of my grand daughters were so scarred that they hate clowns and any dolls looking at them in their bedrooms! I have driven my children mad by spending so much time with their children. No Nestle products are allowed in their houses. Nothing with palm oil. They have very strong political opinions, worry for the Great Barrier Reef, climate change, the refugee situation etc. A few of them think they will become Prime Minister and do a much better job. I took my eldest grand son to a protest about Aboriginal settlement closures a few years ago. We sat in the middle of Flinders Street, Melbourne and it is a moment I will always remember. Since then, every grand child wants to go to a protest so I'm taking them to march in the protest on the 20th September in Melbourne in the Extinction Rebellion. My children always have the option of organising alternative child care in school holidays but never seem to do so. As many of them are coming into their teenage years, my husband and I will be escaping in 2021 to travel around Australia. One lot of teenagers was bad enough. I don't want to go through it again with these new teenagers that live in a much more precarious and difficult world. Phil - I also love long car rides with the grandchildren. We do the best ever - rendition of Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody. I love that they share their music with me too. Our holidays are often all singing, all dancing and entertaining adventures. Most of the girls do dancing, and/or drama, music, aerial fitness and kung fu. I think it's why it is so loud when they all get together with big voices, music, singing and dancing. Magical times and I hope I get to enjoy many, many more of them. I will definitely be introducing some more Elton John to them.
I guess this diagnosis gives us perspective. What's the most important to you? What do you value? It usually comes back to love and family. What we can give. What difference we can make in this world. What time and attention we can give to a child to make them feel loved, special, hopeful and confident in the world. My youngest daughter's birthday is tomorrow. (Yes, I did bloody well spend my birthday in the labour ward once)!! I bought her perfume and told her that because it was called JOY I wanted to give it to her because that's what she brings to our family every day since her birth. She loved it and she is the essence of joy.
Ending on a more positive note - it's lovely and quiet now. I might even get up some courage today and make some glass beads. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
and please accept my apology. 
kinda funny really. 
