How do I tell my adult sons that I have cancer

[Louise_M]

Hi Ive just turned 52 and was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 2 days ago. I have 4 adult sons ranging from the age of 24 to 30 and I have absolutely no idea how to tell them what is happening. I am terrified that the youngest one will not cope and will hide from me. We have no history of cancer in either mine or my husbands family so I just don't know where to start. Can anyone offer ideas? Thanks

[little_stitcher]

Hi Louise, such a hard situation! However, I think the best thing would be to be as honest as possible, as soon as possible. The longer you leave it, the harder it will become. If your situation allows, could you get all your sons together (maybe over dinner?) and tell them all one night? (It will save having to say it 4 times). Do they know you've seen a doctor at all? If not, start with that, then just tell them what unfolded. Allow time for the inevitable questions and expressions of disbelief (you may even have to repeat it a few times)but please don't put it off for too long. It will be difficult, but it has to be done. You could even post on here straight after, if you need a debrief. We'll all be here for you. love Emily

[kj]

Louise I agree with Emily if you haven't already you need to explain to your sons exactly what is happening in regards to your diagnosis,the longer it is put off the harder it will be for all concerned. take care kj

[Louise_M]

Thanks Emily I'm really trying to have my sons come visit on Saturday but it is difficult as they all work different shift work. None of my sons are married but they are all in long term relationships 2+ years. I love and respect their partners. Should I also inform them at the same time? I'm hoping that my sons and their partners can lean on each other for support. No my sons do not know that I have visited a doctor. I have never been sick before and have never had to discuss my health with them. I will definitely take you up on your offer to post how it went. My sons are all very different. One of them is very reluctant to show any emotions other than strength and I am particularly worried that he will stay away from me because he can't fix the situation. Thank you for your response Louise

[Louise_M]

Thankyou kj Thank God I have a very supportive husband of 29 years who is going to help me discuss this with my boys. At the moment as soon as I start mentioning cancer I just start sobbing and this is not what I want to do in front of my sons. I want to tell them that my destination has just taken a little detour but will be back on the path I want when I am ready Louise

[kj]

Louise That is very good you have a supportive husband to help you discuss your diagnosis with your sons and their partners and provide support to yourself, it is a very emotional time when the Cancer word is used, the uncertainty of what lies ahead can be daunting, but just take it one day at a time ,I found after I was diagnosed that the support of family and friends eases the burden.You are right some men keep their emotions inside but you may be surprised, I found it helped me to talk openly and freely with my family after the initial shock was over. take care kj

[Louise_M]

I did it with the help of my Husband. We had our sons over for morning tea this morning and told them everything. The son that I was particularly concerned for was the one who first hugged me and cried on my shoulder. A lot of questions were asked and a lot of support offered. I know that the information hasn't sunk in completely for them yet but am hoping that they feel comfortable enough to keep contacting me and express any feelings that they have. Thankyou for your support. Tomorrow I am visiting my parents and discussing this with them. This is also going to be difficult as they are both in their late 70's with some health issues. I am one of 10 children and none of us have had any real health issues so this is going to be a bit of a shock for Mum and Dad. Thanks all Louise

[little_stitcher]

It must have been really difficult, but you did it. We're all standing with you. love Emily

[kj]

A very traumatic day for all involved,I like the way you have stated this is a detour and you will be back on your path. best wishes informing your parents tomorrow. kj

[Louise_M]

Ok last week was an absolutely emotional nightmare. This week I have no more tears. I'm finding that I'm consoling family and friends. Is this normal? Tomorrow I see the surgeon to discuss the CT scan and bone scan that I had done 3 days ago. Hubby is away tonight and I'm scared!! Do you ever get over being scared?