Hi Wegotthis,
Unusual name. Irish?
You could have picked a later post. This one was too optimistic, obviously. Back then I was thinking I managed to prevent it spreading. Maybe this time around.
I can suggest a cure for issues with telling things to your wife. Get her to sign up and follow your posts. My wife was a little bent out of shape if I posted something that I didn't tell her first. The reality is, when writing a post, if something pops into my head, I don't think about if my wife is already aware of it. She got over it eventually. She got bored of following my posts too.
I realised I had accepted cancer too easily and I was ready to go if it came to it. It was a rude shock, that it wasn't acceptable to other people. It's easy to think me, me, me when you get cancer. I can honestly say that I have a new reason to live and it's to be here for the people who need me in their lives. The people who need you will probably cope less than you. It sucks when you are the sick one and have to be the strong one for others, if they can't be strong for you. Meh! Who ever said life was fair?
It is funny when you are on the cancer bus. It's easy to talk to the other passengers about their cancer journey. It's easy to talk to the people who join you on your journey. There are going to be a whole lot of people who avoid you. It's hard to talk to someone about their pending death. I used to be an avoider. I didn't know what to say to people who had cancer. You can only talk about the weather so long before health comes up. I was worried about upsetting the sick person, when they probably had no issues with it. Not my finest display of friendship.
I tend to keep my close circles up to date with my progress. I don't mind if they avoid me. It's annoying when everyone asks how I am. I do group updates every now and then. I try not to answer individuals when they ask. It gets too repetitive. And the story gets more dramatic every time I tell it. So I send group messages when I feel there's something new to say. I try to always include a joke, because I can't not laugh at it. It's a way to help stop them worrying so much.
In general, I used to be the sort of person who would hide weaknesses. As a stupid man, I was looking be strong, smart, popular and successful. What can I say? I don't give a shit about that anymore. I have cancer. I might die from it. I might catch covid19 and die from that. A guy like me could even die from vanity cause I'm just soooo good looking. Was I trying to make a point here? Not sure. Just waffling I think.
Anyhow. Just talk about it. Let people know you are okay to talk about it. Tell people you'll haunt them; or leave them out of the will if they piss you off. If they want to know who inherits the car, tell them you are getting buried in it. Beyond the lighter side of it, it might lead to some other serious conversions about how much you mean to others and how you'd like them to remember you. I didn't have those conversations with my Dad. I didn't know how to talk to him about his death before it happened. I don't want to take that opportunity away from my kids. I regret not asking him a lot of things that I'd like to know.
Just remember, if you know there's a chance you'll die soon, you have time to prepare. It's when you don't expect it, you run the risk of people finding out what's in your browser history. Make sure you clear it out before palliative care.
Take it easy and get some sleep.
Cheers
Phil
