Had cancer, got no friends.

[stevec]

wow I can't believe this came up from a google search! maybe I should watch what I say - nah, stuff that. This is one place people should feel free to speak their minds and be honest. Thanks for your replies everyone, I know this is a big issue for a lot of cancer survivors. KathyKate - perhaps as Sailor says, your friend can't stand seeing what's happening to you because she's scared to death of confronting it herself... or perhaps she's just someone thats not worth knowing anymore (I've had a few of those people in my life too).

[harker]

I like the idea of seeing friends as the people I can be honest with. If there's someone whom I am not being honest with, then that person can't really be my friend. There's no blame or fault about seeing it like that. It leaves it up to each individual to do their part. If someone has hurt you and you can't get to them to say so (which is more often than not the case) then that person is simply not your friend. You can't be honest with that person. Try not to blame or feel guilt. They are missing out on your honesty. I think that's what stevec is saying.

[#3]

Hi Steve, As far as friends are concerened, Andy and I had a better experience. The love and support from our friends and community is the only positive to come out of this disease for my family. We've been tightly embraced by most although there have been a few disappearences! But I need to mention a funny quote that my oldest and dearest friend (not anymore!)had said to me after calling to see how Andy did after an important oncology appointment: "bad news! bad news! bad news!!! Everytime I call you, all you give me is bad news!I can't take it anymore!" WTF? Umm.....sorry... So, I see it that I'm quite fortunate to be shown who in my life has got my back in times of crisis.

[Loraleeb]

Hi Steve - new to this site, but very excited to get stuck in! I had no friends throughout treatment and I found the isolation unbearable at times, and to think I thought I was the only one going through the loneliness. That's why I've made it my mission to reach out to those going through treatment and let them know they are NOT alone! We have the most supportive group behind us. I have been absolutely amazed by the support other cancer warriors can give and now have a growing number of friends to help and be helped by. It started by joining a support group and has grown from there. I now have more friends than I did before (OK, maybe one less SISTER!), and not only that -- they are the quality kind of friends I want. Going through cancer has made us question all our priorities in life and is a HUGE learning curve. Some people can't keep up with all the personal growth we go through. It really is a spiritual awakening that maybe only we can truly appreciate and understand. I wish you love and support and hope we can keep connecting. LLx

[AmandaC]

Loralee I love your idea that its because people can't keep up with our personal growth...maybe your right. I wish I was at the stage you are at I am less Uncle, Aunt, Cousins, Mum...I really could go on and less quite a few friends. You give me hope that thinsg will change. thankyou

[samex]

Hi guys, I am really fortunate in that my true friends have really beeen there for me. One strong group of very old friends has been amazing as there were 2 of us doing chemo together. We became "chemo buddies" and while he lived on the north Coast and I am in Sydney, we spent a lot of time on the phone talking as only we cancer people can. Unfortunately he died 2 months after I finished treatment and I felt very guilty - still do I guess. But in regard to friends, we had a breakfast with the 8 remaining of the group and after we had toasted Phil's life, one of our member turned to me and toasted that I was still there with them. It was possibly the most humbling moment (albeit brief) of the whole affair. Perhaps what cancer does is show us what and who are really important. Samex

[Nikki_YAC]

hey steve, what a great seed for discussion you have planted for us all to get involved in. thanks for your honesty in sharing your story. i agree that it is a common occurrence for many of us cancer survivors... - trying to work out who the heck our true 'friends are after cancer'. some disappoint you, some help you, some blow you away through generosity and understanding, some pitty you, some ignore you, others surprise you... if there is one things i have worked out in life through cancer.... it is that nothing remains constant... likewise FRIENDSHIPS will always change, disappear, evolve etc. Cancer just makes them more so!

[margro]

hi all.does anyone else realise what we have done?we are survivors!i had pancreatic cancer and was told i had 6wks in2005...i'm getting married next week,but,i keep forgetting...i am a survivor please don't worry about people who,i think,worry that they may catch what we have,and appreciate the fact that we are still here!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Quijote]

Hi, I went through a similar situation but on a smaller scale. Some people just don't know how to react and to be honest I would probably have been the same, looking from the outside. You just have to accept this and lead by example in the future. When I think of all the wonderful people who did make a real effort to support me, I know I have to reach out to others when they need it. Here in the Illawarra, I have met some incredible people. So my advice to all is join a support group, get involved and be open about it. Be proud of the fight you putting in. My prayers, love and best wishes to all of you.

[#10]

Nikki YAC, I think what you say is really important. Although I can understand people wanting to cut off non-supportive friends, allowing people to adjust to your situation is also important. We may have no choice but to face our illness, but some of our pals may need time to adjust. Having said that, I have had a few jaw-dropping excuses for not seeing me. (After I told one friend, who lives 10 minutes away from me that I'd just found out that my cancer had spread to my lungs she said "I'd really like to see you before I go away on holiday in two weeks, but I just won't have time")