Cancer wants to control your mind

[Wegotthis]

Funny before knowing that you have cancer how easy it is not to think twice about small things happening in your body. 

I woke up this morning with a sore throat. 

Before knowing i have cancer my first thought would be that I'm coming down with a cold. 

Not this time. My first thought was is the cancer worse than I know. 

Thankfully I pushed that thought out of my mind quickly. 

I seem to be paying more attention to what is happening to my body. I have gotten warts  on my left hand in the past. I have a developing bump on the side of my finger that I thought was just a wart. Now I'm guessing it's not because it doesn't look nothing like a wart. 

I emailed my reg Dr to see if she can take a look at it. 

Looking back now that I know the signs of my cancer I believe my body was showing signs over a year ago. I  tell everyone that we caught this early.  But in the back of my mind I know it's been over a year that I have lymphoma. 

My CT of my chest was clear. My mind is now questioning is my brain clear. I have been dizzy and off balance for quite a while now. With is usually for me. 

I never really thought much about it until after learning more about lymphoma..

The dirty mind games is something I guess we have to get use to?

I hope you all are having a great day 😀 

[LindaG]

Hi Wegotthis, I totally relate to what you are saying. Any little pain always makes me wonder “what now”?  I also ended up having a heart attack 2 months ago so I have more questions “is that my heart “?  I guess as time goes on I might stop thinking like that. Apparently it’s quite normal to have those thoughts!! Have you got your diagnosis yet? Xx Linda G 

[Wegotthis]

Hi Linda, 

Sorry to hear that you had a heart attack. 

Do you think that the treatment may have caused it. I understand that lymphoma screws up the immune system. Ill have to research heart related issues with treatment. 

No I haven't heard about what exactly I have. I just saw my surgeon for my post op. We talked about the waiting and the possibility about him having to put a port in me.

Lol...I spent sometime researching port's. 

How are you feeling.  I hope all is well 🙏 

[Reverend]

I understand. Every day when I wake, it is a battle for the mind, and I lose often, and the worry just drowns me. My Wife is sick of me complaining about pain, and I worry so much she will leave me. I find new lumps all the time, just when I have hardly got over finding the new one before !! My heart goes out to you. God Bless you.

[Wegotthis]

Reveren 

Sorry to hear about your struggles. 

Im sure its safe to say you believe in God. I'm a follower of Chirs. I know He is in control of my situation. If its His well I will be healed. 

The last few days I been getting painful headaches.  I never get headaches 😩.  I think last night I was moaning loud enough that my wife could hear me .

Its a long story but I know God's plan for my life. 12 years ago I went to pre marriage counseling with my wife and her pastor.  I told my wife after our wedding I would never attend church. Funny how God changed my heart. I'm now head of children ministry and security at our church. 

I have been a father for over 35 years. I screwed up my first marriage. But think God for getting me the wife I have and a purpose. 

This is my walk so please don't feel like I'm judging you. 

My purpose in life is to sever God. He has given me a heart that loves helping people. 

My kids and grandchildren has served alongside me. They have seen me praise God because we have been very blessed with things we don't deserve. 

We have lost 5 young adults in our family. They were the same age as our oldest son. 

As the head of my family my job was to help my family try to understand why God would let bad things happen. 

Easier said than done when it happens to other people. 

How that I have lymphoma cancer it's time for me to walk my talk. I tell my family I'm very thankful that I'm the one with cancer. Not my wife or children.  My wife and family is watching me closely. How I react is going to be a life experience. 

I don't never complain about any of this cancer stuff and inconvenience. Yes at times I feel bad. I lost my hair on my head. I no longer have facial hair. Sometimes I feel like throwing up. My armpit where they removed a few lumps hurts. But these are reminder that I'm still alive. If I die from cancer or a car accident I want my family to remember me as a man who trusted God and understood that I used cancer to praise God for allowing me to live 55 years and allowing me to be a grandfather.

You still have time to change things with your wife. If you really feel that she is tried of your complaining then stop . She may be feeling helpless. Again I'm not judging. But why would you want to put her through more than she has to. As a husband I feel it's our job to protect your wife from anything. If you see her as a gift from God like I do my wife you will put her before yourself. I kills me knowing my wife is worried that I may not be here because of cancer. I  have no control of how she handles this 

But I have control of how I react .If I die tomorrow I want the last thing my wife to  hears or see me do was something positive. 

Trust God no matter what the outcome is. Be thankful that you have cancer.  

How would you feel if it was your wife that had it.

I know this is selfish but I pray to God that I die atlases a day before my wife. She is amazing and I couldn't handle watching her go through cancer and treatment. 

Thank God I have cancer 🌹