To Hell and back

[Richard1]

• We’re to start. It began in Dec 24 when I had to go to the hospital due to the worst stomach/back pain I’ve ever experienced. Waited almost 7 hours to see a doctor, the wait still haunts me. The seconds ticked by slowly, I’m embarrassed to say that I was crying, howling, throwing up and rolling on the cold floor. When they finally wheeled me through, gave me drugs to settle the pain, I thought great, this can only get better. Wrong. I did not expect the doc to come back after taking blood to say ‘You Have Cancer’. Shock and disbelief  WTF. This can’t be happening. Mum was by my side, she was shocked more than me. After that moment everything went by in a whirlwind blur of pain, crying, depression, anger and other emotions I can’t explain. Before the surgery the doc told me I had maybe months left if this went unchecked. What do you do after someone tells you you have less than a year to live??? The surgery was a success, all of it was cut out and so far I’m cancer free. But not out of the woods just yet. Currently going through chemo therapy and working full time. Every day I just want to give up. Feel so emotionally and physically broken all the time. I hate having doctor appointments all the time, I hate having cancer, I hate not being able to play with the kids like I used too, I hate chemotherapy, I hate that I may lose my job and be unemployed because of this f$&6ing sickness, I hate feeling fragile and useless. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel…

[Felicity_CCNSW]

Hi @Richard1 , 

Thank you for sharing your experience with diagnosis. It is such a shock and trauma to receive a cancer diagnosis. It can be helpful to talk about it, and share your experience with others. 

Please know that you can call our information and support line and speak to a health professional at Cancer Council on 13 11 20. 

Here is also a helpful fact sheet on emotions and cancer. 

Perhaps others would like to share their experience with diagnosis?

Warmly, 

Felicity

Cancer Council Online Moderator 

[Richard1]

Thank you for your help and support Felicity. It is most welcome.

[Cindi54]

Hi @Richard1 ,

Wow you've had a hard time, I'm sorry. Also sorry I only just saw your post.

I used to be on this forum a lot more while going through my cancer journey last year, but not so often now.

I see it was some months back, when you were diagnosed, so what's been happening?

Are you coping ok?

I know Chemo sucks but it does work, it does also knock you around , you need to try to eat and drink plenty of water. I used to call the chemo " the good poison" !

Hope you didn't loose your job, if your boss has a heart at all you'd think he'd give you time off.

So sorry for you, but you got to keep pushing on and try to be positive.

Sending you a hug,

Cindi

[Richard1]

Hi Cindi. So far so good. 8 days until I finish chemo. Still working somehow, it’s been a struggle. Gained some weight, doctors are happy with my progress. It’s still difficult to get out of bed, but I just do it. Still can’t do the things I used to do, tired all the time. Im coping okay, just surviving.

Thanks for the love and support, how’s all your stuff going?

PS really scared that it might come back…

[Sumeet]

I appreciate you for being open and revealing such a genuine part of your experience. What you have been through is beyond belief, and it's completely understandable to feel broken, frustrated, and overwhelmed. You have encountered something truly frightening, yet continue to stand strong and engage with life, even as you go through treatment and work. That shows remarkable strength, no matter how you may feel about it at this moment. Remember, you are not alone in this. There is a light ahead, perhaps dim today, but it still exists. Healing requires patience, and feeling tired is perfectly fine. Be kind to yourself. You're doing more than enough just by making it through each day.

[Richard1]

Thank you so much. I finally finished chemo and feel so much better. Wanted to give up everything so many times but I’m glad I sucked it up and got on with life. Dr says I’m all clear, regular test every 3 month and NO MORE CHEMO, yay!!!

[Cindi54]

Hi @Richard1 ,

I'm so happy for you Richard, yes it's hard I remember wanting to throw the towel in too sometimes, it's very tempting, but you didn't !! good on you ! Now it's all over.😁

Really great. But keep up your appointments, hopefully it doesn't return. Just try to keep yourself healthy & fit , hope you'll be ok.

🤗hugs from Cindi xx