Hi @Crewzin22
It's fantastic that you and your wife have spoken more about your situation now. It's surprising how the people who know us the best maybe don't realise whats going on inside and they can't help you until you communicate. I had this after my surgery. My wife assumed I'd be selling the house, travelling the world, go skydiving (joking!) etc. She was all set for doing that, Actually no, I just want to get back to taking life each day as it comes. I'm genuinely grateful for each day because if I hadn't been so lucky to be diagnosed early, who knows how few I would have had. I feel that making huge plans for far off in the future is temping fate and puts pressure on me (to be alive!) She couldn't understand that I was just happy to pick up my normal life and quietly move on. That caused tension between us. And you can only address that by communicating. I'm getting better at making plans, but I'm still a tiny bit relieved to wake up every morning.
Maybe ease off on alcohol. It'll make you feel worse short term, lower your mood and you make less good decisions in that situation. I'm not saying you need to give up if you don't want to. My Surgeon's advice on alcohol pre and post op was that he had no specific advice. Don't overindulge, follow standard guidelines, it isn't any worse from a medical perspective that you are drinking more booze now you have cancer than if you didn't have cancer.
Going back to what I said before about your mental state...if you can't change the wait time, can you change how you feel about the wait time. Here's a question...you are going to have major surgery hopefully in the next month or so. That will be a good thing. But it's going to hit you hard physically and mentally. You know it's happening. Is there anything you can do now that help you at that point? Think about that for a minute....
Some people get a diagnosis and are rushed to surgery. They can't prepare. You have an opportunity right now. Might not feel like one a lot of the time, but you do. Can you get yourself any healthier? Quit smoking, lose a little weight, gain a little muscle, eat a bit healthier, drink a bit less alcohol, sleep a bit more regularly, etc? Spend some happy times with your family? All of those and more will help you now...and help you after your surgery. The surgery is significant and it takes a bit of time to recover...I had a small complication, nothing life threatening, but it did set me back a bit physically. You can do things now to help your future self. You don't need to go on a crash diet or an intensive training camp...what small changes can you make? you'll feel better for it mentally and physically.
If you take steps now to help your post op self you might be less hard on yourself. The other thing I had to learn to do was not ask how this happened. I'll never know for sure and at the end of the day, I can't do anything about the past. I can do things to help myself going forward. Keep up the persistence with appointments. Ask for help...nobody is prepared for cancer, but there are others who have walked this path and come out the far side...and lots of people and resources that were there to help them on the journey.
Don't get me wrong, me and the wife got drunk the day I was diagnosed (out of the blue.) Very drunk. There are also several studies that say a moderate intake of alcohol reduces your risk of contracting kidney cancer (this is true!) so please don't think I am chastising anyone for drinking. Get it out of your system and start thinking that the start of your recovery from future surgery is now. You'll feel less helpless right now and you will benefit yourself. Try and make the wait time as beneficial as it can possibly be.
