Friendships

[deejjay]

Samex what a lovely experience to have your friend acknowledge in front of so many others your difficult cancer experience. Jules I do agree that maintaining friendship shouldn't be so hard. Now I simply want friendships where it's easy to make arrangements with people who will commit to an arrangement and where I can be upfront with my needs. Of course I don't mind if a person says how about in 2 months and makes a definite commitment but I've got no patience for this wishy washy perhaps we should get together after such and such but we'll discuss it then and the I've been busy stuff. Nor then the why aren't you in contact with me. I'm now more likely to say if you can't make time to get together we'll probably drift apart and I'll leave up to you to get back to me WHEN you have a definite date in mind. I do feel relieved in a way about this friendship as I had felt very much I was doing all the grunt work and have wanted to say something so am pleased I did. But one does also find out who their true friends are and with mine now I'm through treatment I'm giving those who were there for me little thank you gifts. There was one friend who made the effort to visit me in hospital inspite of her own poor health and phoned regularly and another who lived quite a distance away who rang and emailed regularly but also said I'd like to either visit you in hosiptal or when you get home you let me know which is best for you. I choose at home as it was much more comfortable and fun and she thus came to visit.

[Jac999]

Deejjay, I think you were writing this for me too apart from the distance. This will make you laugh. My very good friend of 15 years and lives across the road barely sees me now. We saw each other often pre cancer days but now I think our street has turned into a one way road. Me going there. Me telephoning her. I approached her and asked if there was any problems. Her answer.....she was very busy and will get back to me. Still waiting......She will wave and makes a bee line for her car, front door etc. What can you do except pick up the threads of your loyalty, your values etc and share them with someone more worthy.

[veronica11]

Sadly, in 4 months that I was incapacitated, I received one visit.  My husband worked like crazy.  My two close friend never visited.  My brother and mom came once.  To be honest, I am the person who always drives and visits everyone.   I still feel hurt.  My friends literally didn't care to just stop by once.  I really needed the support.  Nobody knows until it happens to them.  Immature people and in their 40s no less!

[debbiev]

deejjay I can understand having just gone thru cancer myself and talking to my doctor having this illness has really changed my life and he agreed that it does. I look at it are some so called friendship really worth it. You really need supportive people around although some people can start being supportive they change and I think that is the time we need to change as I have recently. See my comments above I seem to being going thru the same thing like you are.