Still waiting. I want to know and don’t want to know the results at the same time. Tick tick tick, this year has been one long difficult wait. It’s all in gods hands now. As I walk down the valley of shadow of death I shall fear no evil. ... View more

So todays the day I have a scan and see if it’s all clear. Very nervous and anxious to get it over and done with. Later this year I have another colonoscopy, nov or dec, doc has not set a date yet. Again, very nervous. My mind won’t stop thinking the worst. It’s so mentally and physically draining, yet I still somehow keep going. I just want to sleep and dream the days away. I never thought my life would turn out like this. Please god let it all be okay. I don’t think I have the strength to go through this again. ... View more

I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety before and got through it. This time it feels worse, I don’t want to go on meds again so I’m fighting through it solo. I just feel dead inside and then super anxious all day long. I’m not suicidal but death seems like a blessing. As I get older life gets harder, bills, work, house maintenance, car maintenance, doctors appointments, looking after dog, watching parents get older. Once a month I have rush my mum to the hospital in middle of the night. Having to struggle with external life problems and fight internal health problems is tough, almost impossible.  I don’t know what to do… ... View more

No joy, no happiness, no anything. Nothing makes me happy, just never ending physical and mental pain. My head hurts and I want to sleep. I try to sleep but the stress keeps me awake. Is there an end to this? Please stop this pain, please please please please please. This world has broken me and I don’t think I can be unbroken. Talking to others is all good, facing your fears is all good, but it doesn’t help. I live in my head 24/7 and I hate it. I hate my life, I hate my job, I hate bills, I hate everything. Please fix me… ... View more

Thank you so much. I finally finished chemo and feel so much better. Wanted to give up everything so many times but I’m glad I sucked it up and got on with life. Dr says I’m all clear, regular test every 3 month and NO MORE CHEMO, yay!!! ... View more

Hi Cindi. So far so good. 8 days until I finish chemo. Still working somehow, it’s been a struggle. Gained some weight, doctors are happy with my progress. It’s still difficult to get out of bed, but I just do it. Still can’t do the things I used to do, tired all the time. Im coping okay, just surviving. Thanks for the love and support, how’s all your stuff going? PS really scared that it might come back… ... View more

You are going to feel all the emotions. The beginning of this journey sucks, but it’s not the end. Once you make it to the other side you will be so much stronger. Focus on that light at the end of this train ride. Set yourself a goal, Maybe a holiday, new cloths to wear whatever you like, some think to look forward to. Its okay to be scared, just don’t let it be the new you. ... View more

Stay strong man, cancer f$&king sucks. Eat healthy, exercise, don’t do drugs, don’t smoke, don’t drink, keep it clean. I’m 6 1/2 months in, almost finished my chemo. The pain is real. David Goggins it, stay hard!!! ... View more

I wish I could tell you other wise but it’s going to be the hardest moments of your life. You need to be there for her every step of the way. Cancer caregivers are amazing so don’t hesitate to ask them anything no matter how trivial. High dependency care after surgery is a nightmare. Chemo sucks and feels never ending, it helps to chew gum for the hangover feeling. Drink lots of bottled water, rain water is a no go. Theres going to be lots of crying and depression so prepare your self, try to be strong for her and yourself. If she’s got heath insurance use it, get that organised asap. How old is your mum? Im sorry to be so negative but it’s the truth and it sucks. I’m living that nightmare. Also there are good days, it takes time but it does get better. ... View more