I have been reading your blogs Willow and I must say that your story sounds to me like major discrimination under the equal opportunity Act and very familiar!!!!
Why dont you leave that damm job if your doing admin roles now and not being treated equally?, take time for yourself, get some advice, some professional help.
You work to live now; not live to work.
I can understand your pain in this because i have seen it with my Mum. She was discriminated at work after her operation for throat cancer for a total of 7 months recently by a very mean mean woman, upon return to work she, like you, was made to feel incompetent after doing so much, 8 years of work and a promotion to supervisor -respect was hard for her to obtain within the place! They suddently assumed she had changed, wasnt competent anymore and they were becoming annoyed that she was taking so much time off! After never taking annual leave - only a week over Xmas each year!
The story is very similiar to you. In the end, we are all just numbers and as harsh and injust as that sounds Willow its reality.
Even though you demonstrated your loyalty and skills to the company and may have been irreplacable then by saving them a half mil, it sounds like your manager (whom is a pig) is looking at you like your a liability now; which by the way, i also would find highly offensive! If i were you, i would hold my head up high and get out of there before you lose your self esteem for good! If you cant escape due to financial commitments - start today, look for something else, call Centrelink - do some charity work???
My mum went down and was experiencing and still is experiencing the feelings that you described above; lonely, lost, desperate. Mum was unfairly dismissed on July 1 this year and consequently we are now taking legal action towards both the employer and client of the employer. Whilst my mum was happy to sit there and be treated like an idiot; i had to see the aftermath when she got home, the tears, the pain of being otrasised by her workers, being told i cant understand you on several occasions whilst the manager stormed off on her! ~ i stood up and said this isnt happening! My mum had throat cancer, and had her voice box removed. She also had breast cancer but has been clear for 7 years.
The pain of being so successful, like you, then having to fight breast cancer and then being told you are no longer working at an efficient pace is a joke and makes me quite sick!
I suggest you call fair work australia or the equal opportunity commission to get advice before you do anything, have you spoken to Human Resources about your unhappiness with the role and the behaviour that is making you feel the way you do by your manager?
You sound like a person who finds joy in accomplishment and achievement, as i do and to have that snatched off you by someone who has been through testicular cancer especially is not only bad management, lack of integrity and morals but is total inconsiderate and ignorant. He must believe because he got over it and dealt with it, then returned to work that everyone can! Funny how ignorant managers can be.
You described your mother as diminishing, again something i can relate to as i watched my grandmother slowing dissapear in a nursing home too, she passed away in April this year on Easter Sunday. That also was very difficult for Mum. I watched the guilt she felt and the hurt and anger every day until the end of nana's life.
I wish you all the best, please know that there is and has been a woman who has gone and is still going through what you are. As im sure; many thousands of others are too. But to connect with just one of those thousands may help you to overcome this battle. My mother is on here to her name is "No Voice". All the best 🙂
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After many hours of taking her through this website (4 to be exact) today and expaining all the bits and pieces of it, Mum wrote her first blog - im so proud! And was so excited when she received two responses!
Unfortunately there was a group chat tonight which i forgot to tell her about!! ARGHHHHH, But - I am hoping she can make it for the next one and every other one in the future!!!
Having a good day today 🙂
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Thank you! Congratulations on having the title of Survivor - that must be so empowering to write, im hoping my mum starts to think like that; she has survived two primary cancers of the breast and throat - a full mastectomy and larygectomy.
Its extreamly difficult and sometimes i feel like i have the cancer, but after coming on this site and listening to others i dont feel so bad. I have my days though. Im 23, so it takes its toll on me at times; due to the extra responsibility and time thats needed of me ive lost alot of friends and dont have much support.
I dont mind the support from friends, i do mind that her friends arent supporting her. Mum is on here as No Voice - im sure she would like to hear from another survivor with a bit of hope!
Take care - P.S can you send that medal anytime soon hahahaha
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I find it amazing that both our parents chose to keep smoking after the diagnosis of cancer - lung with your mum and breast cancer with my mum, consequently my mum later developed throat cancer due to smoking and your Mum developed brain cancer! hence i havent seen mum with a smoke for 1yr and a half, mainly because her throat was removed, and she CANT SMOKE or talk anymore. But at least that distructive life has stopped and i might have her around for longer now.
Mum has often said, that if the cancer had been anywhere else in her body she would still be smoking and drinking right now, it was her lifeline and is what she believed was an escape, the only escape for her (as with all addictions) - away to forget with an old "friend" she would say, a friend that ended up trying to kill her twice id say!
I have spoken to my mum about you and i asked her "if she was in your mums shoes, and i sat down with her and begged her to slow down this distructive lifestyle for me and for my children, what would she say and feel about that?".
Her response was "that as much as she loves me and the grandchildren, the fear of death and the unknown; the depression and feelings of seperation and loss at such a young age (under 65) would terrify her; she would still smoke but not infront of me - MUM SAID SHE WOULD ACTUALLY HIDE IT FROM ME cheeky lady. The thought of losing you and her grandchildren may seem sureal. I cant imagine whats going through her mind on those days when you see her sitting there staring into space, chain smoking. Its would be horrible for you to watch i dont even want to imagine it.
Mum also said that the smoking is a big part of her life right now and that to take that away or to lecture her would add extra fuel to an already burnt out fire. Her driving sounds like a way to still be "independant", driving for many ladies is essential to their wellbeing. I know that if i baby mum to much she cracks the shits.
When you feel, or are made to feel incompetent, you tend to rebel, your mum sounds lost and in despair, i hope you find a away to make her see sense!
If i were in your shoes.......mmmmmmm i would want to talk to someone going through this too. Im also watching my mum deminish and trying to make her see the bright side. I have lost the mum i knew for so many years and at times, especially when you think its the end of your life; mum said suddenly little things like smoking and driving (when not allowed) dont matter to much considering. Lifes to short.
Trying to stop fags and coping with cancer would be to much. Im so sorry you have to sit and watch this, if there is anything i can do to help you please PM (private msg) me! As a daughter who is caring for her mother i cant imagine what it would be like and the anger and frustration you must be experiencing towards her, i know its hard not to take things personally sometimes. Im barely coping now but i hold my head up to you, your an inspiration.
I hope, for your sake if not for hers that she understands and starts caring about the conseqences of what she is doing to herself
Stay in touch
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I wasnt going to write a blog today but now im quite upset and need to get it off my chest. I have been studying for a 3,000 word Bus Law assignment which i have had to put off for a couple of days because Mums not coping very well. I also have two test next week for Accounting and Economics which i have also neglected.
I have helped set up a blog on here for her, people want to speak to her and she seems interested - but everytime i try to get Mum on the computer, she doesnt want to do it.
Mum is complaining alot of pain lately, but she is on stronger medication than ozzy osbourne! Right now she is lying on the couch, depressed and sore and i dont know what to do. I know there is at least one beautiful lady on here who is wanting to speak to her maybe more. I know that by hearing there stories it will help, just like it has helped me. Writing this stupid blog helps me!
Why wont she get the extra support.........Im staying strong but inside im rageing, its difficult with no mates, no family and especially no mum (most of the time). I WANT MY MUM BACK !!!!!!!!
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I think i pretty much said everything in the subject line - im here 100% for my mum, i do EVERYTHING i can do whilst trying to study full time, amoung other things im working on.......
I have organised social groups, online chats, meetings with people who are going through what she is; but the loss of her job and the discrimination that occured prior to her termination after 9 years of employment has left her more scarred than i could of ever imagined. I cant imagine the feeling of loss and mourning she is going through.
What can i do for a person who wants to return back to work but is unable to speak (due to throat cancer) and isnt currently receiving benefits from Centrelink (long story - payout from work)???? Answer.....nothing.
I feel its my role as her daughter and only support network to make sure she is happy, at the same time; im 23 and need to live a life of my own before i get sucked down deeper into a hole of depression.
Mum wants to work, not socialise and discuss this cancer with people, she wants to move on. Payments begin in October for her, and hopefully the ball will start rolling soon as to a Job Capacity Assesment; but in the meantime im watching her deteriorate slowly and slowly. What else can i do for her?
HELP ME please!
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Ok so from 8am this morning im running around, trying to organise things for Mum to keep busy. A nice lady from our local council came over this morning, after speaking with a tearful girl (me) over the phone last night, begging for some sort of support group or activity group to get mum out and about again. The lady gave us some brochures, but still im not satisfied with support groups for people with a communication problem/issues!!!
Doesnt help that she isnt interested in things much since the cancer (depression mostly) and would rather sit around and sleep all day, then complain her life is shit because she does nothing! I have a test tonight at uni, my b/f is away (incarcerated) until end of Nov and i have very little friends. Sometimes, i swear i want to rip my head off and scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant be everwhere all the time.
Do i have to do everything - if i dont who will?? This is shit!!!!!! How can i be strong after so long, when im losing it too...........Im thankful everyday, but the aftermath is just as bad for us at home :-(
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.