hi guys, Well 2 years after being diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable esophageal cancer i am still in the clear after having chemo and radiation.Now i feel in some ways i overreacted and in other ways i live with the fear of reccurence.I was told by the doctor in the beginning my chances were pretty slim of surviving long term and curing this type of cancer at stage 4 which had also spread to a distant lymph node was not possible and the treatment was just pallative with the aim of just prolonging my life.I read the statistics and i know most people with cancer probably at some point are curious and have to google it.When i see less then 3% 5 year survival rate it just makes my heart sink.I have even asked other people with the same condition on a few different american sites if this type and stage of cancer has ever been fully cured from just radiation and chemo and its pretty much unheard of when its inoperable.Am i overreacting when i accept the fact i will probably die from this horrible thing?My family and friends think im cured and say "just get on with it" "stop being negative"or my favourite is"look at neil armstrong!he beat it"well im not bloody neil armstrong am i!.Most of the time i am positive and forsee myself still alive when im 40 but then at other times i slip back into a mode of thinking "ok well i need to do this bucket list thing,and quick!".On two occassions this year for some reason i have been admitted to hospital with small bowel obstruction.After two ct scans,multiple blood tests,x rays etc my oncologist is telling me its not from cancer but my local doctor thinks he is not doing enough to determine what is causing it.I have an appointment with a GI specialist in a month to see if he can determine whats going on..also my abilty to swallow food is getting worse and i just think that something isnt right...I feel in a way its like if i find out one day that im riddled with cancer in different parts of my body and its terminal then the people in my life will finally realize the seriousness of my situation and understand what im going through.I will never forget the first time the oncologist told me it was incurable. Its like a monkey on my back...or a big bloody gorilla really.. dan ... View more

Hi, I dont mean to be negative and only ever try to remain positive and under the circumstances i think i have done pretty well but sometimes the strain of having cancer just overwheelms me.Its been 2 years now since i was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced esophageal cancer.Had my latest checkup last week and the doctor told me he is surprised i am sitting in his office and still have no recurrence.....good news hey...I have moments when my face lights up with complete happiness and then other times i feel just so down in the dumps...I feel lost most of the time lately,like no direction in life after having it turned upside down a couple of years ago.Being on a disabilty pension just doesnt cut it for me as i was always a hard worker so i have returned to work on two occassions this year and both times have lost my job due to being hospitalized with a small bowel obstruction which the oncologist is 99% sure is not cancer related so more good news.I just want normality back in my life...go to work...look forward to the weekends..have a beer with the boys watching the footy....not have people asking me hows my health all the time.. I asked centrelink if there is any options to obtaining employment where the employer is aware of my illness and i wouldnt be sacked if i had time off due to my illness but basically i was told jobs like that dont exist anyway.Just leaves me no choice but just to try and gain employment and lie about my health and just keep my fingers crossed i dont get sick.It hasnt been easy keeping a brave attitude since my diagnosis,I was never told i would be cured because i had distant metasis and im in a very small percentage of people that has good results 2 years after chemo and radiation...I know i should be grateful and believe me i am!I just need normality back in my life and i have tried so hard to make it happen but then i have been pushed down again.Im not really the kind to feel sorry for myself and be apathetic but after 2 years I really really just want to scream,jump up and down,tell everyone im p*$## off! I wish that i would wake up and it was all just a bad dream... ... View more

Hi everyone,:) Well a bit over a year since i had radiation and chemo for osophogeal cancer and still struggling to find some normality in my life.After first being diagnosed the thoughts of i didnt have long to live overwhelmed me.Then my results kept coming back in a positive way during 2011 and after my initial diagnosis and i know im really fortunate and actually a little bit in disbelief.My last meeting with the oncologist was a strange one as he is sitting there telling me he is astonished it hasnt recurred yet as it was stage 4 and in my distant lymph nodes,"what does that mean?"i was thinking"am i cured?""what" give me a definite answer""yes or no?"...12 months ago he said i was likely to deteriate as the cancer is aggressive and incurable in its later stages and all they can do is prolong my life.I will be honest i set myself up mentally to face death head on and now the game plan has changed.Sometimes i feel guilty and like i have been selfish what i have put my family through.Like it was just a faze and now i should be over it.I really dont know what to do.I havent worked in 2 years and would really like to but im scared i wouldnt handle it physically or mentally and i would realize im not the same person i used to be.I used to have many friends and always doing something but after all this i have withdrawn from everyone and everything.I know its probably depression but i just dont know how to snap out of it,i have these crazy thoughts sometimes where im hoping they will find active cancer somewhere else just so i can continue the journey i was on,i put so much energy into dealing with the initial diagnosis that im really finding it hard to see life in any other way and to be normal again.Im sorry to ramble on and i do realize i am very blessed and fortunate to have such a positive result and i know that not everyone is so lucky and my heart goes out to anyone dealing with cancer. dan ... View more