Hi Dean, I am so sorry on the loss of your wife. So young and such a short time after diagnosis. I always say 'it is hardest for the ones left behind' and I really do feel your pain. It sounds like you will have the help you need with your son, from family, etc, but you must make sure that you get any help that YOU need! I hope things settle down a little bit for you over the coming time, but throughout all the sadness, please remember the good times. Take care and remember, there a some lovely people on this site, just ready and willing to talk to you and listen to you. Take care of your son and yourself! Di ... View more

thanks Sqweege, been on the drug for 2 weeks now (2 weeks on, 1 week off) - so am now just about to start the week off. I have had a few 'different feelings' over the last 2 weeks, so I have pretty much guessed that there are side effects. Will just have to wait and see what happens over the next week. Di 🙂 ... View more

Hi DPC thanks so much for your response. Boy, is that information overload. I really didnt understand much of it, which is precisely why I was asking if others online had tried Xeloda. I really just wanted to 'layman' version. But, once again, thank you so much for taking the time to supply the info - I really appreciate it. Di 🙂 ... View more

Hi again Sqweege, firstly thank you for your lovely response to my last post - but rest assured I'm not amazing. I just read your post, and felt your hurt and just wanted to send kind words your way. I'm so glad you had a chat with your dad, I just knew he would talk to you about this when he was ready. I cant imagine what it must be like for sufferers who thought they had beaten this horrendous disease first time around, then be hit again with the news that it had returned - these are the truly amazing people! My initial diagnosis was advanced cancer, having already spread to my bones before it was found, so I figure that I am luckier than the 'second time round' sufferers. Your dad and others like him, must have a million thoughts running through their minds. I was also going to mention to you in my last post that I personally think it is much harder on the family and loved ones, (the ones who ultimately will be 'left behind') than on the actual patient. I remember the hurt for me when mum and dad were ill, but now I see that same hurt in the eyes of my children, grandchildren, partner and family. When I am facing a 'new problem' I dont know whether I should tell them all, or whether I should keep it to myself (and partner). I want to spare them the extra worry - but then common sense kicks in, and I decide they have a right to know. This 'journey' is really hard going, for everyone concerned. What your dad says about Bub is so true. My daughter has 5 children. One is 3 (born 12 months after my diagnosis) and the baby who is 18 months. I had a lot to do with the minding, visiting, etc of the 3 older kids (14, 13, 12) when they were younger, but I find I just cant do that anymore with the 2 littlies. They absolutely drain me. Dont get me wrong, I love them very much, but they are just so loud and active. Like your dad, sometimes I just cant handle this. I will have the 3 older kids up to visit on school holidays, as they amuse themselves, but I just cannot have the younger two without my daughter here. Thankfully she understands this, but I often think I am missing out on them. Just remember, Sqweege - we do what we gotta do - to get through this journey - and that includes you! Take care. Di (big hugs) :) ... View more

Dear Sqweege If only I could give you some 'magic words' that would make this whole process easier for you. I suppose what 'worked' for me and my dad, will not necessarily be OK for you. All I can suggest with your dad not wanting to discuss anything with you is:- Give him a hug (if he will let you) and just tell him that you will be there for him whenever HE wants to talk about his fears and concerns. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he is seeking solace with his g/f and appears to pushing you away, because he just cant stand to see the pain in you and your brothers eyes! I'm sure he realises what a devastating effect this is having on everyone. Rest assured that if he love you both BEFORE cancer, then he still loves you both now! I can actually look at the whole cancer experience 'from both sides' - from losing parents to cancer and now, from ME being the patient!! My mum and dad were given no treatment options, so thank god I didnt have to watch them suffer through chemo! I, on the other hand, have had IV chemo and now undergoing a course of oral chemo as we speak. I DO know what your dad is going through, the unbelievable tiredness that swamps our bodies, the grumpiness, the feeling of being hit by a MAC truck!!! Apparently I too was grumpy with my partner (so he says, haha!). I would have my chemo on a Monday, then every Wednesday morning, I would be in the middle of my morning coffee and just burst into tears FOR NO REASON! He tried to take really good care of me, repeatedly asking me what I wanted to eat, if I wanted coffee, etc but I just felt so crap that after saying 'I dont want anything' for the 3rd time, I would get grumpy, tell him to leave me alone - then HE would get upset 'cause he was only trying to help, then I would get upset 'cause I upset him! And so, the vicious circle just went 'round and round'. I will say though, this only lasted a couple of days, but then would be repeated after each cycle of chemo. There is an old saying - 'we only hurt the ones we love' and I found this to be so true whilst undergoing chemo (speaking from my OWN experience of course!) I guess Sqweege, what I am trying to say amongst all of the above ramblings is - dont be afraid to show your dad that YOU are hurting. Dont be afraid to cry in front of him, or with him. You are not letting you or him down by crying in front of him, you are just being a normal, loving daughter, who cares deeply for her dad. If he 'pushes you away', dont stay away - just tell him that you are 'here for the long haul!'. Remember that he loves you, but this is just his way of trying to deal with what is happening to him. He knows he is dying and now he has had a taste of the medicine that will try to prolong his life, but unfortunately, whilst doing 'its job' - is going to make him sicker! Life is a 'real b..ch' at times, but you will get through this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is all so overwhelming at the start of the 'whole cancer' process, but you will have good days ahead. Treasure you dad while you have him, be prepared for him to be a bit grumpy - CRY AS MUCH AS YOU WANT, and look forward to the 'good days' that WILL surface soon. My heart is with you. Take care and dont be afraid to be normal, I just cant emphasise this enough. Dont try to be 'the macho' someone that you're obviously not! Di xoxo (big hugs to you) (always here if you want to 'chat'!) ... View more

Sorry Blackcat, cant help you out on that one! My 'baby days' were well over when I was diagnosed. Good luck!! ... View more

Hi Meandma, Thanks for your lovely response to my previous post. All I can say is, 'my heart goes out to you and what you are going through'. Unfortunately, I have witnessed cancer from 'both sides of the fence' ie: carer and then sufferer! Dont be so hard on yourself. Your comment above re: 'It's not about me' - this is so untrue. It IS about you and your feelings and how you cope with them. I cried a bucket of tears whilst helping to care for mum and dad, and yes, on some days, I cried with them! It's our natural response when anything 'bad' happens to the ones we love. If it is any consolation to you, we are all here for you! Take care. Di (big hugs) xx ... View more

Hi Dave, one good thing - think of what you save on tooth paste! I do have names for the goats actually - they are Bobo; Blaze and Ginger (the later two have red heads, hence the names). My partner and I made a deal 3 years ago when we purchased our 10 acres - anything that has a name - IS NOT FOR EATING! Needless to say, I name everything that moves. haha They are all my little babies!!! ... View more

Hi Dave, Sometimes we just have to laugh dont we? Its good if we can also laugh at ourselves! I often make 'jokes' about my cancer/prognosis but unfortunately it upsets my partner and he doesnt see the funny side! I cant imagine what you have been through, with reconstruction, etc. Have you lost your teeth due to the op, or the radiation? The radiation business, I do understand. Although on different areas to yours, I know the damage it does to the taste buds, skin, etc. My theory on all of these treatments, no matter how bad they are, is: if it works, then all the side effects are worth it! I hope you are staying well. Have a good day! Di ps: thanks for the friend request! ... View more

sorry Hev, cant help you out on this one! This is not one of the markers that I have checked. Hope someone else can help you! Good luck. Di ... View more