This is really hard, but unfortunately you have to respect her wishes (that's one of the hardest things about being a supporter!) I think the only thing you can do is to be there for her before and after. You could ask her if it's ok if you call her after her appointment, to see how it went. You could also encourage her to take a pen and paper to the appointment, because in situations like that it's really hard to remember important details (and there's generally a lot of information to deal with.) You sound like a good friend to have- regardless of the outcome of the appointment, she's benefitting from your friendship. Good luck to all of you! love Emily ... View more

Hey Paul, that's fantastic!! I agree with GHT, returning to life 'after' is far from straightforward, but don't forget to enjoy it. And keep in touch! (I've actually found this site to be more helpful 'after' than during.). love Emily ... View more

Hi Lowanna, my heart breaks for you. What a hard position you are in. I can understand it a little bit- my husband was diagnosed with cancer in 2011, and I was his main 'carer' throughout the diagnostic process and 6 months of chemotherapy. I put the word carer in quotation marks, because the chemo never made him really sick- he was able to maintain a normal diet and even work full time (he has a desk job and was able to work from home 2 days a week). My reason for writing this is to advise you to think really carefully about re-starting this relationship. My husband and I had a really good relationship for 7 years before he was diagnosed, and was still have a really good relationship now, but even so going through that process with him was the hardest thing I've ever done. It took everything I had just to get through. And, we don't have kids to think about. Would it be possible for you to support him just as a friend? That would be an amazing thing for you to do for him, and that boundary would give you some distance from his outbursts. It would also mean he could just concentrate on his treatment etc, without being your main support person. After his treatment you could maybe see how things are, and re-evaluate then. Good luck with everything. Sending warm hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Jule, thanks for updating us. I'm really glad to hear about your Mum! I hope you have a good day. Emily x ... View more

Hi Koala, is this the 'forgotten cancers' study? My husband and I both participated (my husband has no family in Aus, so I did the study as someone who has had a similar lifestyle to him). It will not immediately benefit anyone, but will provide more information about people who developed the less well known cancers, and so may lead to some useful conclusions in the future. It's completely voluntary, so fee free to do whatever you like. Emily ... View more

Hi Karina, that's inspiring! Please keep posting. love Emily ... View more

Hi Aj, I'm glad you found this forum. It's a great place to vent/share/encourage/question and just generally try to cope with a horrible situation. Don't be suprised if your emotions are all over the place for the next while- when it comes to grief there are no rules. Be gentle with yourself and remember we're all here for you. sending supportive hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Koala, I'm glad I was able to encourage you. I am in Melbourne- whereabouts are you? Chris was at stage 4 when he was diagnosed, so there was no watch and wait- he was given B+R straight away. That's what the clinical trial was about; usually Bendamustine is given to people who had relapsed, this was trialling it to see if it was "not worse" (!!?!!?!?) than RCHOP as a treatment for the first appearence of NHL. It was definitely found to be that (I don't think Doctors would ever catergorically say one is better than the other, there are too many variables), and it's so exciting that it can now be prescribed! I hope you have a great day, Emily ... View more

Hi Koala, my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 follicular nhl in 2011. He was offered the option of being in a clinical trial of bendamustine/rituximab, and decided to join. He was given this(not rchop), and so far he's been doing really well. He had fairly mild side effects- occasional nausea and general fatigue. He was able to maintain a normal diet, and work full time (part time from home, part time in the office). And he didn't loose his hair. Obviously everyone is different, and you may react differently if you do have Bendamustine, but I have no hesitation in recommending it to you. He is coming up for 5 years post chemo next year, and is currently in training for the Ride to Conquer Cancer and also Around the Bay in a Day in October this year. I hope this has been encouraging, and I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. Emily ... View more

Hi Jenjill, I remember waiting for my husband's test results- it was horrible! I think most people on this forum would agree that waiting for test results is one of the hardest parts. All I can say is take it one hour at a time. Try and keep yourself occupied if you can. And know that we're all here for you whatever happens. Sending big hugs, Emily. ... View more