December 2013
Wow, what a whirlwind of life changing experience for you and your family!
I hope you're managing ok with the loss of your adventure. I too found that breaking the news to people has been difficult. How do you drop "by the way, I have cancer" into conversation? My diagnosis was in July, and word spread quickly at work but I am still finding colleagues that don't know. I have been surprised by the variety of reactions, from sympathy and concern to complete discomfort and insensitive remarks.
I also had Stage 4 cancer at diagnosis (which is common for Lymphoma), but someone from work assumed that it'd been found early and chirped "at least they've found it early." I struggled to cope at first with the thought of being riddled with tumours, but once I started chemo it felt like I was getting somewhere.
How many kids do you have? How have your husband and kids been coping?
Catherine 🙂
... View more
December 2013
Thanks Lyanin for sharing that you feel the same way. I guess it helps to have simple pleasures in what is a particularly unpleasant time in our lives. Staying upbeat and positive helps to ward negative feelings away. I haven't tried any crafty activities during chemo because the IV often gets in the way of ambidextrous work. Good on you for tackling it!
... View more
December 2013
Hi Reny,
Thanks for your kind words. I do have a good support network, and it helps that my mum is in remission from having NHL 4 years ago.
While cancer does affect the whole family, I think women and men manage it very differently. While my husband has been privately upset and stressed by my illness, I do feel very alone in my fight. His way of showing support is to help with the housework and kids during my chemo week and sit with me in the chemo day unit. In terms of emotional support, he really doesn't feel comfortable. I am rarely upset, but when things get to me he has trouble giving me hugs and supportive words. If I complain about the insensitive words of others, he will defend their intentions instead of acknowledging my feelings. Us women are more adept at putting ourselves in the shoes of others and nurturing those we love.
My children have been upset and anxious at times, but as time goes on it seems like 'old news' and life is some semblance of normal for them. This can be a good thing as it reduces their anxiety, but not so good when the side effects worsen each chemo cycle.
Each family copes with circumstances differently but at the end of the day the common thread is strength and unity.
Catherine
... View more
December 2013
It really does feel trivial to hear others speak of their troubles when cancer trumps their problems. It really isn't an experience that people have comparison for unless they've been touched first hand.
This forum is an outlet that allows us to release feelings to people who understand, instead of potentially hurting our loved ones. Try not to harbour guilt and anger together. Have you considered putting the negative thoughts into a diary? It is a way to release how you're feeling without potentially hurting others. Or write letters to your loved ones when you're in a positive mind frame about how much they mean to you and they might be forgiving if you snap at them on an irritable day.
Thinking of you
... View more
December 2013
Oh Kaelee, my heart aches to hear that you lost your mum so recently.
It must be bittersweet to know that your mum thought of the future milestones and left you letters. Weddings and births are the times that will be hardest. I hope you have a close relationship with other relatives, to share in future celebrations.
I hope you make your mum proud by achieving your dreams and finding love and happiness. In the meantime, stay strong and let out the emotions as they arrive. Life is sometimes unfair but I am a firm believer in 'what doesn't break us makes us stronger' (it just appears that some of us are destined to become stronger than others!)
Sending hugs your way,
Catherine
... View more
December 2013
Thanks for your comment Rosey. I imagine the journey ahead is scary when you feel well now.
I hope you continue to stay fit and well in the meantime, and all the best for your surgery and recovery :-)
Catherine
... View more
December 2013
I sit in the chemo day unit having chemotherapy pumped into my veins, but feel like I don't 'belong' there. You see, I am surrounded by 'sick' people, cancer patients. As people keep telling me, doctors and nurses included, I look well. I haven't lost my hair. I haven't lost weight (I am ashamed to admit I may have actually gained a bit).
A good majority of the other cancer patients are elderly. They have a daughter or son sitting by their side for support. Most of these daughters and sons are somewhat older than me.
I sit with my husband by my side. We read magazines and chat. Snacks come by far more often than I actually need.
This is not to say that I feel well. For the 3-4 days after chemo I feel like I've been hit with the worst hangover known to man. I feel like a lead vest has been put over my entire body and I nap on the couch a lot of the time. Then my energy levels improve and life resembles some kind of normal for 3 weeks.
This mind-frame of not feeling like a sick person could stem from optimism and strength. Refusing to let myself become a victim. Refusing to let cancer destroy my hopes and dreams. It is in stark contrast to how my body feels after chemo though.
Sometimes I think it'd be easier to get treated with sympathy if I looked as sick as I feel. If I lost my hair and looked like a cancer patient.
... View more
December 2013
Yes you have come to the right place.
It is hard to remain upbeat and optimistic all the time. I retain my good humour and strength most of the time, but at times it gets tough and I lose my temper. Cancer sucks! It is unfair! Allow an outlet for this anger. Have you considered speaking to a Psychologist? I found this helped once I saw how my emotions were affecting my marriage.
Hang in there and try not to harbour guilt about having a normal human response to a really stressful event.
Hugs,
Catherine
... View more
December 2013
Hi,
I have Follicular NHL stage 4, diagnosed in July. I am 34 and am 4 months into a clinical trial chemo-antibody regimen. I am having Bendamustine and GA101 every 4 weeks but would've been on R-CHOP if the trial wasn't an option.
It is tough, but I am trying to stay positive. There aren't a lot of NHL patients under 60 so it is isolating dealing with this while managing 3 young children and a part time job.
Happy to discuss and compare notes etc.
Kind regards,
Catherine
... View more
December 2013
It's little wonder you're having conflicted emotions. High school and Year 12 should be time to focus on schooling and friends, not feeling upset and scared about your mum.
You shouldn't feel guilty about needing time to cry. I'm currently battling cancer, but my mum also had cancer 4 years ago and her diagnosis upset me almost more than my own because of the fear of the unknown. On top of this I have watched how my own kids have been anxious and upset about their mum having cancer.
This awful disease creates a lot of stress, and the reality is that people who haven't been affected directly rarely know the right thing to do or say (no matter what age they are).
I hope you're doing ok and finding some happiness in your life. Have you seen a counsellor to help cope with the emotions? I found talking to a professional helps me.
Thinking of you,
Catherine
... View more
