I also work in the health industry and have been astonished at the amount of insensitive comments from colleagues. I think people are uncomfortable with painful situations and feel that they need to fill the void with ill-thought statements. Hugs to you at this tough time ... View more

What a terrible thing for you to have to deal with at an age that should be positive and fun. Well done on making it to the end. All the best for a bright and healthy future ... View more

Hi, Well done on getting out of the other end of the treatment cycle. It sounds like you've been staying strong for so long that it's only once it's over are you allowed to breathe and relax. It's only natural that this is when the magnitude of what you've been through comes to the surface. Cancer is tough, and it doesn't matter how well you cope with it, it is an extremely stressful life event. Like you, I am a mother of 3 battling cancer. I am also continuing to work between chemo cycles. It is challenging but generally I am strong and positive. I had a little 'half way meltdown' last week, and wouldn't be surprised if I had another downer after completing treatment. It's an isolating experience, and not many people understand what is like. Talking to a psychologist helped affirm this for me. Hang in there, Catherine ... View more

Hi Annie, I've been taking a week off for chemo and going back for the 3 weeks between. Some shifts I struggle and others feel normal. I find it helps to keep some normality (plus the bills don't stop coming in!) I only work 3 days a week, but my days off aren't restful as I'm busy with 3 kids on the other days. Work have been supportive and I have a lot of colleagues asking why I'm at work. I fear that too much time alone with my thoughts could be more harmful. I love my job, but it is physically and emotionally demanding. Thanks for the interesting comments all, Catherine ... View more

Thanks John, you're probably correct with the statement about keeping busy. I appreciate your supportive words. In terms of depression, letting the tears out is a good way to prevent depression. Bottling up feelings and keeping a strong exterior is more likely to send the mind into a depressive state. It's when the feelings of sorrow and despair overpower daily functioning that depression rears it's ugly head. I have had a history of depression, and as such it has surprised me that I haven't ventured down that road yet. I do however, liken depression to rainy weather. If we have an umbrella in hand, we're more equipped to cope when those big black clouds come looming. Our metaphorical umbrella could be a Psychologist/Counsellor, the Cancer council helpline or Beyond Blue or a trusted family member or friend. You are not alone and it is human to feel sadness and despair. There are no medals for sweeping the feelings under the carpet. Your dad is lucky to have such a caring son. ... View more

Hi John, Oh you have been dealt so many blows, it's little wonder you're having difficulty coping. Sometimes life is unfair, and there's nothing that anyone can say to make you feel better. Have you touched base with any support services or a counsellor? I'm sure as a carer of cancer patients you are aware of the services available. This site is a good forum to vent as we all have been touched personally by cancer. I'm only 34 and I'm currently fighting Lymphoma while juggling 3 kids and a job. I've had a tough year too, a month after my Nanna passed away I was diagnosed with cancer. My mum also had Lymphoma 4 years ago, so I can also relate to having a parent with cancer. Thankfully she's been clear since her chemo, which has made it easier for me to have a bright outlook on my future. Hang in there, you're not alone! And congratulations on becoming a dad, it is wonderful to bring new life into the world. I should know, I'm a midwife. Kind regards, Catherine ... View more

Hi, It sounds like a really tough time for you all, I hope your wife is managing well with her treatment. How are the kids coping with the turn of events? I am 34 with Lymphoma and my kids are turning 4, 7 and 12 soon. It has been difficult for them to manage their emotions and anxiety at times, but at other times they're just normal kids struggling to understand that mum is sick and not as energetic as usual. Juggling cancer treatment with young kids is tough. Most patients in the Chemo day unit are over 60 and can come home to rest, without school and kinder runs, tantrums and constant demands. My husband is shouldering more of the load with housework and kids and I feel guilty about this. I'm also aware of how he's affected emotionally by having a wife with cancer. Thinking of you both at this tough time, Catherine ... View more

Thanks for your comments anniem and minx. Wow, there really are some amazingly insensitive people out there! You're right in saying that people are trying to be comforting and shed a positive light on a negative. I guess what people don't realise is that there are times in life where there is no 'bright side' or 'silver lining'. Sometimes there is real true gut-wrenching pain, that can't be softened by an optimistic comment. People are uncomfortable with this, particularly if they've been lucky enough to not experience true heartache or grief. I had another good one yesterday... I haven't lost my hair from chemo yet, but someone cheerfully said "if you lose your hair it might be great as you'll get to have a new hairstyle!" Yes, being bald is a hairstyle I've been unable to try until now, I could never go to the hairdresser and get a buzz cut. Are you kidding me? Perhaps she should shave her head for a fab new look ... View more

I am so sorry for your loss Miso, and my heart goes out to you at this tough time. It sounds like these friends of your partner were absorbed in their own feelings of loss without consideration of your own loss. Clearly they didn't understand that grief isn't supposed to be a competition. Perhaps they blamed you for the fact that your partner didn't wish to have them around at the end, or they felt that you should provide support to them. Perhaps they're just selfish and insensitive. Either way, it is a time where actions like this are the opposite from what you need. Some people really do lack the ability to think about anyone else and speak without care for how their words might make other people feel. I hope you have loving and caring friends that are giving you the support you need. Try not to dwell on the negativity. My post does reflect some bitterness and anger at how rude people can be, but from these lemons I am trying to make lemonade. Sometimes we have to laugh or we'll cry. Have you touched base with any support services? There might be benefit in getting some support from people not emotionally invested in your situation. All the best, stay strong. ... View more

Oh I forgot one more... 7) "Are you going to have a party to celebrate having time off work?" Are you kidding? Celebrating having a couple of sick days to have Chemo and feel like rubbish? Perhaps a party when I get the all clear at the end would be great, but not at the start! Cancer is not worth celebrating... ... View more