Sorry to hear of your loss.
It sounds like perhaps you and your Mum were close?
It's tough to get a diagnosis of Lung Cancer... or any other particular cancer at all really, but with any cancer diagnosis, it's completely natural to have a first reaction "Why Mom"... and even yourself, as a carer, "Why Me".
"She didn't smoke... Lung Cancer is a smokers problem. Surely this isn't happening".
We can feel cheated in some sort of way. And simple... I'll say it... sometime's its just not fair.
But coming to terms with life and death we have to realize that really, Cancer is completely indiscriminate for age/sex/size and shape and that too often - it takes the very people we love and care for too early.
KT...My name is John and my father has recently been diagnosed with an aggressive prostate cancer which we believe has metastasised in his bones.
He is 62 years old and the doctors have given him between 12 months and 5 years as a worst/best case scenario.
So,like what you have been going through in the past 3 months - I too am experiencing this right now... The pain, the anticipatory grief, the worry and anxiety...
While that might not make it any easier for you, I hope you'll see that like you a few months ago... and for everyone, in some shape or form - it's all a journey for us.
We're all here because we care for our loved ones and we are all here because we're affected by Cancer.
So... you know all this already... and perhaps I can share some of my thoughts that might help you.
I'm 31 and the youngest of my family. My father is 62 in December and it pains me to think that he "owes" me at least another 10 years to be there for my daughter growing up.
But the truth is that he likely won't make this. I can be hopeful, inspired and positive - but I can also be realistic.
But looking at life in general - It helps me understand that "Tomorrow" isn't promised to no one.
Not me, you or anyone going through anyone with Cancer or other serious medical issues.
So knowing that tomorrow isn't promised to no one - we each and every day need to learn to truly appreciate what we've got. Sure, we can grieve and mourn for the people we've lost... but we need to fully reflect that we ourselves will one day be in the same position... and that, it's 100% natural.
There is some old proverb or saying that lines the walks of a Portugese church, lined with skulls of hundreds if not thousands of people who have lived their lives as we all do.
And I can't remember it exactly... but above the skulls that are lying there, it reads something along the lines of "I was what you are. You will become what I am".
And for me - this grounds me a little to know that yes, I too will go through this again in my life, perhaps more than I want to... but in some crazy, irrational way... its natural and that we shouldn't be overcome by it.
Your mum was 67 years old. You're half that. There has been an eternity before your mum was even born - where you didn't mourn for her. So that to some degree - you can reflect on the great times of her 67 year journey - but don't mourn to much about not being here. We all travel on a path and for some, its shorter than others.
It's taken an unbelievable amount of people - all who have lived, loved and lost in their lives to make who you are today... and who your daughter will become.
I know its hard... but sometimes, thinking outside the box and being a little philisophical helps :)
(I've just realized how long this post is... sorry for the big download! All the best and if you want to talk more, I'm just a reply or message away)
... View more
Thanks for stopping by the forums.
Have you had a chance to browse through and ready some other peoples journey's and stories. It helps to know that first and foremost, you're not alone... and Cancer does not discriminate to age/size or shape.
It must be incredibly tough receiving news of advanced lung cancer - but can I say that I actually found your post quite encouraging... because, I don't know, you sound like you're actually being quite positive about it.
Ginnie, my name is John and I'm from Melbourne. My father was recently diagnosed with an aggressive Prostate Cancer and I'm in the category of caring for someone with cancer.
What I've found is that sharing your experiences helps a great deal - whether it be anonymously through the internet, or even with local support groups and of course, the Cancer Council (13 11 20).
So please - reach out and know that while it sounds like you have a great support base around you (Which is really wonderful as believe me, not everyone has their family/friends around in their time of need)... dig deep and make the small effort it requires to call the hotline and talk with people going through this
By my reply alone - i hope you'll completely realize that you're not alone at all. In fact, hundreds and thousands of us across Australia are going through this with you right now. This very moment.
Don't ever think you're alone in this and don't every think for one second, that tomorrow is promised to anyone.
All we have is this moment right now and you know what, let's make the most of it :)
... View more
Wow - 3 kids at what some would say is a young age (27) in today's society... that's really wonderful.
Good for you, I'm sure they'll be wonderful support no matter what decision you chose.
I'm 31 and I've just had my first daughter with my wife who is 32.
I can't comment directly on what your expiriencing - but I wanted to welcome you to the forum and encourage you, if you haven't already, just to browse through the other replies/questions and blog posts by members.
It helps to talk with people and it can actually help give you a little peace of mind while you've obviously got a lot on your plate.
So sorry - I'm a male and don't have any knowledge what so ever what you're discussing 🙂 ... but I did, for what its worth, want to say G'day here and now and wish you the best of luck
... View more
First off, please call me John :)
Thanks for your detailed replies. I can see that you're very knowledgeable in this area - obviously having gone through it first hand.
In all honesty - its very new. This has all happened in the span of 4 weeks. Sure the pain has been around for a while for him - but really only 3-4 weeks since we heard the "Cancer" word and actually only today, at 11am, had my dad met with his Oncologist who delivered the news.
So you didn't have surgery? The doctors, I believe earlier, used the word "incurable"... and I guess we took that as now a path to ensure we could prolong his life as possible.
My poor dad was very nervous about today's meeting. He was truely expecting to be told weeks/months to live and I think he found some optisimim with what has been said to him (If he can hold it off - there is a bit of time for him still left.
I'm not kidding or fooling myself - I know that we are still to live day to day and we don't know whats around the corner... but I know today was very exhaustive for both him and my mum as they had a lot running through their minds today.
As his son, youngest and really not involved greatly in the decision making - I might mention clinical trials and things to him, but I also wouldnt want to get his hopes up to.
How do we have faith his Oncologist is truely doing the best they can.
Its such a mix of things right now. I could go on and on - but you know exactly what position where in.
Thanks again Sailor
... View more
Wow - you're truly an inspiration!
And I don't mean that lightly - I've actually just read some of your blog posts and I can see you've had a real struggle... but you my friend, well, you are putting up such a fight!
Thanks for popping in and giving me some encouragement. I genuinely want you to know that it means a lot to me that you'd take the time to reply!
It's early days now and to be honest, I don't know a great deal.
I'm torn somewhere between wanting to know "everything" about my dad's battle (and worrying like crazy) - to standing back a bit, being their to support and letting him take charge.
So bare with me if I sound naive.
Supposedly my Dad's cancer was aggressive and a "9" on a scale of 10.
The doctor has told him to lose some weight, eat healthy, the same stuff any Oncologist would say and yeah - 12 months or 5 years... so who really knows.
I know tomorrow is promised to no one... so watching my Dad go through this, I'm incredibly proud of him!
I believe its metastasised on to some bones or something - it all actually started as he was having pains in his hip/pelvis area and they finally tweaked on to it being Prostate cancer after many many scans.
He's on HRT at the moment and according to him, it's really eliminated almost all of his pain. I enjoy hearing that, but know it may not be forever. I believe in 2 weeks time he is having an injection or going on medication that will strengthen his bones... as some of his meds can weaken them.
He's being as optimistic as possible.
Sailor - you've been a great inspiration and if you can point us in the direction of anything - please, I'd love to hear from you.
My dad is 62 for your reference... and I'm half that, at 31. We don't really have a mentor - or a go to person - and I'm not asking you to be that... but I know that having people in a similar situation around him could help.
Again - thanks for your reply. I've really enjoyed reading your posts and you've done such a great job putting this cancer at bay!!! (Sorry to use the "Bay" term... considering your a sailor) 😉
... View more
Wet, windy and miserable - typical Melbourne weather.
Hard to believe it's mid November!
Just thought I'd touch base with you all. I hope everyone is doing well and getting on with life.
I mean - after all - that's all we have right... is to get on with life day by day! Tomorrow isn't promised to nobody.
My dad today had results come back from his prostate biopsy and its a bit of mixed emotions.
We were all kind of thinking the worst - and its still not the greatest, but my dad feels optimistic.
The Oncologist roughly said that he'd be looking at between 12 months and 5 years - of course depending on how things go.
My dad admitted he was preparing for a "6 month" or less type diagnosis and I guess there was a part of me that was thinking that too.
So I don't know how to really feel about this "12 month or 5 years" type outlook.
Of course - I told my dad to still continue with every plan he had about travelling and making the most of it ....and I just pray (not that I'm religious) that the drugs can do what they will and they'll give him his full 5 years.
I know that's really optimistic... and if we don't get that time, but my Dad lived his days being truly happy, then it wouldn't bother me as much to say good bye early.
I'm such a worry wart. Now I've been worrying that he won't get his 12 months.
Ahhh... always thinking and worrying ahead. It's so consuming
Ahhhh, the mind games we're all playing. What a time this is for everyone who goes through this.
So yeah - 12 months to 5 years. Whatever the hell that means... it is what it is
... View more
Hey Riding Low
Great - sounds like a lovely weekend with the wife and kids.
My name is John and my father has Prostate Cancer. His diagnosis is only very new, but we believe its quite aggressive.
I wanted to touch base with you and I'm really glad I did. You're reply sounds wonderful... and it bought a smile to my face. I don't know you, but I had this vision of 3 little juniors running around a car with a bucket and sponge! What a great image.
And lucky you getting outside to wash the car as in Melbourne where I'm from, this weekend, well, not the greatest of weather.
Riding Low - As you're journey continues, be sure to touch base in the cancer forums from time to time. I know I'd love to hear from you, but more so, everybody here who is going through this enjoys each others stories as we all gain strenght from different things.
Stay positive - and I'll be thinking and hoping that the tumour starts shrinking away to thin air!!
... View more
This week I've been travelling pretty well - thinking really philosophical about things and its actually been helping a bit.
I know for some it might be a bit much, but for me - wondering, pondering and exploring the concepts of life and death kind of help.
I know my dad has Cancer and that perhaps his time is limited - but at the same time, if I take the "cancer" away from these thoughts of life and death... and think that in general, everyone's life is limited... as a journey that we all must take... it tends to help a little.
Each and everyone of us here, effected by cancer... and each and everyone who is not... we all still will make the same journey one day.
It sucks that for some, it has to be sooner than later... but again, we're all here for some sort of purpose and we're all here propelling the world on!
I'm drifting off a bit here... Sorry :)... I came here to say that seeing Dad today was a bit tough. Only because he just looks the same "Old Dad" that I've always known before the Cancer diagnosis... and to some degree, it saddened me that he's only going to get worse.
I know that sounds ridiculous - my mind tells me to enjoy every moment and enjoy the moment he's at his best, but at the same time... this "anticipatory" grief tries to pull me down and focus on the bad of what's to come.
The mind really does play tricks.
I so desperatly want to take it day by day and this week has suprisingly been really positive for me in many ways coming to terms with all of this. But today, well... today was a bit tough and I'm feeling a bit gloomy.
Thanks for reading. My best to everyone out there tonight!
... View more
Here's to it shrinking and shrinking and disappearing!
How else have you been?
How is your family?
It is a difficult time for you first and foremost, but I just want to check in and see how you're going with your 3 kids
... View more
Sorry to hear about your story but I'm glad you took the time to reach out to this website again.
I'm also glad to hear that on his initial diagnosis, he kept the fight on going for 18 months.
It sucks to learn somethings haven't worked the way you planned and yes, I've read that HRT can have an emotional side effects.
My father is on HRT, only recently, but he is suffering from Prostate Cancer and we believe some secondary cancers. We're hoping for the best for him and hoping that each and every moment we have with him is positive.
If its possible, be sure to constantly keep an eye on your children. They are both of such an impressionable age - the 18 year old soon to enter the world of adult hood...and your younger, about to enter into their teenage years.
If its possible, try and communicate clearly with them and encourage them to feel all the emotions that naturally come with caring for someone with cancer.
Remember - its OK to cry. It's OK to worry. It's OK to anticipate the future... but also remember, these are very natural thoughts that come and go... and its so important for you to think positively about each everyone of our journey's in life.
Best of luck and it would be great to hear from you. I strongly encourage you to reach out, even just to vent or share your thoughts on this forum.
You have my personal commitment that I'll be here to listen!
... View more
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.