Be kind to yourself Jill. When you find you have nothing left to give, somehow you will find the energy to give more. But also its a signal that perhaps you should accept any help given by anyone. Its little solace but please know that there are people who understand what you are going through and who are here to provide what support they can give. Hug ( a big long one) Sangeeta ... View more

Willow Just want to add my 2 cents if I may. This trip is for you too so you have to consider if you can put your concerns at the back of your mind and enjoy the trip (provided there is no risk in delaying the tests). I am not on very much as I am busy trying to run house, having lost hubby to cancer last December but I have read a lot of your posts and I know that you have been the carer for others but have not had anyone really step up to nominate themselves as yours. So for now, til you get that you have to be your own champion. Don't forget that its your trip too. You have said that you want the trip to be perfect for your daughter but I guess I reckon we get close to perfect when everyone gets a bit of what they need. As mothers we tend to sacrifice for everyone else around us but that is not necessarily the best solution to all problems. You are right about feeling bad sometimes. Yes I am or was a carer and not a sufferer but we too have down moments. I finally bought us a house on the weekend (forced to move coz landlord has sold the property we are renting). I was excited on the day but on the very next day I broke down and had a massive cry because this was supposed to be our big city adventure and he's not here to share it. Its not simple is it. We move forwards but not necessarily move on. Hope you are feeling better. Regards Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Jill and Tonya Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending hugs your way. I feel your pain and share your sorrow for the loss of innocent times. I am not ready to relive the memories of the last few weeks of last year and that says a lot about how hard they were. The practicalities of life are keeping me busy and keeping the hard thoughts and emotions at bay. Just found out this morning that my landlord is selling the property with vacant possession so I have 7 weeks to move.whoppee... Anyway, this is meant to be a message of support not my gripe about how annoyingly hard life sometimes get so I'll end off with wishing you some peace and lots of love. Sang ... View more

Dear wifeyb I am so sorry for what you are having to go through. I lost my husband last December after a short 9 month battle with GBM and like you I have kids, so to an extent I know where you are coming from. You have all bases covered so I can only add that you are not alone and that many on this board care and are here if needed. Hugs Sang ... View more

Hey Jill Belated birthday wishes! Glad you had a great day! Sangeeta ... View more

Hi 4 March will be 4 months since my hubby passed.I know what you mean about moving forward without being criticised for moving on but you are right, your husband would not want you to mope forever. I went back to work in Jan because as you say the bills dont pay themselves and I have two little girls who need me to keep things running.The thing to remmeber is even when you are ready to get involved with life again, it does not mean your grieving has ended. We all grieve differently and you may be ok most of the time but be set off by certain events or memories. I have given myself permission to move forwards but I know I continue to grieve. Although the wedding vows say til death do us part some bonds are just never forgotten. I can understand what you are going through. Be gentle to yourself. Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Jill I am sort of going through the same thing. Almost same timeline as well. One year ago, on 20 Feb 2009, hubby collapsed at work and after a trip to emergency we found out that he had a brain tumour. Last week was hard because I kept thinking this time last year my life was so normal and I was content. Well, Feb 20th was first anniversary of the start, Feb 27 will be 1st anniversary of diagnosis. We will have a lot of firsts this year. I sold hubby's car on Saturday and driving to the delaership I found myself tearing up because its the first of his things I was attending to. Mum and dad left yesterday so last night was my first night as the only adult in the house since hubby's passing. This Friday is the school picnic, our first without Paramjeet. Lots of firsts and I am sure I am not going to like all of them. Just want you to know you are not alone and I am thinking of you. Regards Sangeeta ... View more

Willow I am sorry that at a time when you should be taken care off you are instead having to be the carer. You are in no way self-indulgent. I agree with all the suggestions that you seek the help that is available out there to give you some respite from your heavy burden. If cyber hugs count I am sending you some. Sometimes I think that there should be a fairy for a day/ week service available to cancer sufferers and their carers. Someone to take on your daily tasks for a short while so you can sit and breathe. Take care Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Jill There have been many an evening since my hubby passed that one or the other of my girls has wanted to just sit in my lap and cry...yes even the 9 year old and its ok for you to cry together because eventually you will heal together. As I understand it though at that age of 8-9 they r more concerned about the day to day things...will we stay in the same house, if dad picked them up from school - who will pick me up, things like that. At one stage last year my 9 year old (being faced with dad dying) asked me what would happen if something happened to me as well. I had no answer for her but I did my annual health check and showed her the results. Noone else will understand what you and your boys are going through because noone knows their dad like you three do but they have you and you have them (his legacy). Although you face hard times make the most of the fact that physically your hubby is still around and leave nothing unsaid. Everything else can wait while you try to capture a lifetime of memories in whatever time you have left. Hugs. Sangeeta ... View more

Sending hugs too. It might help to explain to the boys that dad's meds (and or tumours?) are causing him to act differently and it is not within his control and that he loves them no less. I repeated that to my girls quite a lot. I even likened it to having a horrible toothache when even the nicest people aren't their normal self. Take care of yourself too. ... View more