I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your children receive the love and support you need at this difficult time. Sangeeta ... View more

Jewel I have no words of wisdom, no panacea for your pain. The process of grieving is one of the hardest things we have to go through and so it takes time. There is nothing anyone can say that will make it better. Lots of well meaning people will want you to pull yourself together and start moving on with life. You do what you need to do to get through today. Its been coming up to 7 months since I lost my partner in crime and I still can't sleep without a cup of sleepy time tea (yes that's actually what its called) every night. It ensures I dream no dreams. The first few weeks after his passing I was exhausted because I got no rest. I also ground my teeth so hard in my sleep that I chipped a tooth. My dentist then recommended sleepy time tea. I saw a counsellor for about 3-4 months but that did not quite work for me. I still hear him in my head sometimes and I talk to him quite a lot ( no I am not crazy ....its part of how I cope). I guess what I am saying is its ok to take your time. I feel your pain and wish you strength to continue your journey. Be well. Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Shelley88 My husband was diagnosed in Mar 09 with a grade 4 brain tumour (GBM) which they removed at the time. We were told on 10 Nov that there was a recurrence. On 17 Nov he was hospitalised aand moved to palliative care on 22 Nov and although he put up a brave fight we lost him on 4 Dec. He lost mobility on his left as well and from the time he he was hospitalised he lost speech. From the recurrence or news of the recurrence he lasted 3 weeks. I know your loss was more sudden and for that I am very sorry. Its been 6 months now but my wounds are still raw. Talking to family doesn't quite work for me because to them he was a son or son-in-law and to me he was a soulmate, my best friend, my partner in crime and the father of our beautiful children. They can't understand what its like to lose that. I am learning slowly to let him go. I have been dealing with the day to day without really dealing with the letting go. Here if you need to talk. Regards Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Bigmumma I know its not quite the same but I found that when my hubby was diagnosed, we lost some of our friends and even family members. From what I have read here, that's quite common. Those who can cope stay on and are there for you whenever you need them but those who cant deal with the "C" word leave quite early in the scheme of things. Its a massive let down and feels like a betrayal but you need to focus on the positives and not let the negatives affect your recovery. On our journey I was fortunate to meet some very wonderful people. I wish you all the best in your battle. Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Km The first couple of months after the initial diagnosis is a blur of what ifs and other questions. My husband was diagnosed with GBM last March and we lost him in December. We were told he would have anything between 7 months to 2 years. He lasted 10 months. I wouldn't say there is a balance but I'd recommend you think about what you want to do for your mum and what you need to do with your mum for you to be ok should her time be limited. We are the ones who have to pick up the pieces of what's left of our lives when they move.Leave nothing left unsaid...that helps with the grieving process. Also factor in what she wants to do. My husband worked 3 days a week right up to 4 weeks before he passed and I had to facilitate that by driving him to and from work. The drives to and from work (about an hour each way) gave us time away from the girls (we have 2 little uns) to talk about everything and nothing in particular so in facilitating his wish I filled my memory bank with many precious moments. All the best and know there are people here to listen. Sangeeta ... View more

Dear Jill May you find comfort in the memories that are yours to cherish always and strength in the companionship of those who share your loss. With deepest sympathy Sangeeta ... View more

Jill My thoughts are with you. Nothing can prepare one for what you are going through and nothing I say can take away any of the pain and heartache you are feeling now. Just know that you have a support network and rely on them as much as you can to help you carry on. Am here if you need to talk. Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Jill Like you I wanted to cry but the tears would not come. I fond I was not coping so I saw my GP. We discussed options including seeing a counsellor and taking anxiety medication. I tried the anxiety meds for a week but did not like what they did to me so I stopped. I started seeing the counsellor at the same time and saw her every 2-3 weeks til end Feb this year. I found that our hourly sessions were filled with me bawling my eyes out. I still think its strange that I could not let go anywhere else. It became my safe haven to "fall apart". I saw her on my own without the rest of the family and I think it helped that she did not know me so I did not have to hold anything back.Some weeks she'd give me some advice on things to try and some weeks I had so much to unload that thats all we did, talk. We have or try to have so much control of our lives that the dying process and the uncertainty is so hard to deal with and thats what she talked me through. Hope some of this helps. Sangeeta ... View more

Oh Jill If Greg is well enough can I suggest you try to find a day for yourself. Getting away from things even for a day or better still a weekend may be the boost that you need. You need time to yourself to process what has been thrown at you, to grieve the situation you have been put in and to come to terms with it as best you know how. Taking care of you now will mean you have better resources to take care of Greg and the boys later. Sangeeta ... View more

Jill its a question of choice. We can all get on with life which will in the end mean we lose out on a lot of it or we can choose to live life and submit to the fact that we will have very good moments but also some really bad ones. Funnily enough a lot of our battles are not battles of the heart but of the mind. Being positive helps but its also giving your brain the time to not be positive that helps achieve some balance. We all tire of being positive all of the time. Our bodies have their own defence mechanisms (or so I have learned over the last year or so) and sometimes you need to let go of control and let some of this kick in. Existing might be good enough for now. Some of us need permission to be happy when life is so crappy. Have you let yourself be human? Do you cut off the feelings of frustration and anger and fear that you feel as soon as you feel it so that it bubbles within and just gets worse. I know I did for quite awhile...building my own volcano of feelings. Looking to the future...hmm we take that too much for granted. The thing with cancer is that it makes you realise that we occupy frail human bodies that have an expiry date. Fatal accidents happen every day but we never think its going to happen to us. I hope you find peace in your today so that you are setting a foundation for your tomorrows if they come. I feel your pain and share it. Sangeeta ... View more