Hi JudyMJ Lots of thoughts with you as you face this storm - you and your son have had storms aplenty by the sound of it, and I hope that you manage the current one with the same, if not strengthened, resilience you have found over the last 6 years. Can understand the feeling of lost and frightened - in my darkest moments I've kept saying to myself, this too shall pass, and somehow the sun does rise the next day. Good to see you here - take care, and all the best. Zen ... View more

Beautiful Samex - how lucky are we to have such a beautiful place to heal in! Wishing you peaceful times in your special place, and beyond. Zen ... View more

Hi JudithAllison Like Samex, and you, I found that by the end of chemo I was so fatigued, I could barely walk up and down the stairs in my house! I found it quite frightening and wondered how I had gone from a woman who could walk 10km a day to a woman who couldn't walk 10 steps. I remember getting out of the car one morning, parked down at the beach that I used to walk on for 2 hours at a time, and realising that I couldn't walk down to the sea and back as it was just too far. Sitting was all I could manage! I did find radiotherapy "easier" than chemo but more because it was a half hour each day rather than long session of chemo and feeling sick. It was exhausting but a different kind of exhausting. The only thing I can say is that it passes... hang in there - you will be through it eventually and the fatigue will pass! I am now 18 months out of the radiotherapy, and I can walk and swim and have energy again, but I still get very fatigued, and there are some days where I just can't do much at all. I get frustrated with that as I feel like treatment was so long ago - I should be feeling better. But the reality is that it's going to take a long time to recover and I need to allow my body that time (and my spirit!) The oncologist told me at my last appt that I need to give the fatigue 5 years before it will pass!! I'm just glad to think she thinks I'll be here in 5 years time!! It will come right JudithAllison - just rest whenever you can,and all the best for the next step. Lots of deep breaths for radiotherapy - and good skin cream! Zen ... View more

Oh Sailor... remember when Saturday nights were so very different? I salute your patience, your fortitude, your compassion. And your ability to be so present for another, when your own wellbeing is challenged. Truely a resilient sailor! Take care. Zen ... View more

Hi Frangipani How very special to be a grandma! Makes the hard survival stuff all worthwhile! I am a breast cancer survivor but haven't needed reconstruction. However a friend of mine who had reconstruction 10 years ago at the age of 45, tells me that it was the best decision she made (she too had double mastec for genetic reasons) She said that at the time she didn't think reconstruction was important, but went ahead with it as she was encouraged to by her friend, a surgeon, and she later realised that it helped her feel "feminine" and helped her adapt to life after breast cancer. Only one person's opinion but I hope it's helpful to you. Guess we're all different, and you'll know what's right for you. All the best with your journey. Zen ... View more

Hi No Voice I would like to join Harker, Reindeer and Samex in saying welcome to the site, and blogging. I admire you getting into the blogging - I have been on this site in groups etc for a while, and still haven't found the courage to blogg! I like how you expressed that sometimes it's hard to see the bright side, that you survived. I struggle with this at times too. The emotions go up and down, and I work hard on living in the moment, and appreciating what I have rather than what I've lost - but sometimes it's hard, sometimes I don't know how to enjoy the simple pleasures. I do get a lot of inspiration from the people here though - sometimes I come away from this site with my spirits uplifted, or my courage strengthened. This is a good place to be - an oasis in the world that has carried on after my cancer crisis. I do hope you find some relief from the pain, and that you enjoy your time on this site. Take Care Zen. ... View more

Hi Bella2010 Wishing you gentle times ahead... I remember reading CS Lewis where he says, "No one told me that grief felt so like fear." That feeling of not feeling safe anymore is so very real, and something I have struggled with in my grief. But something else that struck me reading your words is that your mum is "with you" still because you say you know what she would say - it's like she's still telling you how to care for yourself. I don't know if that helps, and sorry if it feels wrong... I just know that I still speak to my loved one who died many years ago, and I still think of what she would say or do, and I"m sure she helps me in the tough times. So I've learnt to carry on loving her even though I miss her desperately, and somehow the world brightens. Of course, we're all different, and what works for one may not work for another... take care, healing will come as surely as the sun rises and sets. Zen. ... View more

I'm with you on this one!! I had a 25 minute session with my GP this week, going through my list of pains and bumps and marks and symptom after symptom!! Why do I have this recurrent pain in my right armpit when it was my left breast that had the cancer? Is this mole OK? Is this backpain the sign of bony mets? And on it goes...He was wonderful. He gave serious attention to each of my symptoms, then gently reminded me that I am well, and recovering, and then, some gentle questions - had I been taking time to enjoy my friends and children, and some social life?? My mantra is "I am well and healthy" and I say it over and over as I'm walking on the beach. There is an explanation for every pain, and all is well. But I am so sick of having to daily manage these thoughts, and manage my fear of the cancer returning. Oh well...one day at a time! Wishing you all a rest from the pain, and the thoughts! :) Zen-moment ... View more

Hi, How very special to have a dad that you love so much. I think the hardest thing about life is knowing that the joy and sorrow accompany each other - because we love so deeply, we hurt so deeply. I've found that for me there are things that have helped with the pain - I call it my legacy box - I have letters and videos and photos and recipes - a whole lot of stuff from the person I love who has passed on. Even though she's died, I can still hear her voice on the tape, and remember the gift of her life shared with me. It takes time but the pain does ease, and there is always a sense that she is with me - just in a different way. Your dad will always be with you, even after his "being" passes - the trick is to work out how to continue loving him and being loved by him in a new way. Take gentle care with yourself, and enjoy this time with your dad now. Wishing you all the best on this part of the journey. Zen-moment ... View more

Hi Deejjay I agree with Julie - it is tough to try and work out our capacity to work, and then what a new manager and team would think of our needs, given we're often not sure ourselves about it. I've been wanting to move on in my career too but after much "doing my head in!" thinking, I've made a decision to just sit tight with the team and management who have supported me well through my treatment, and focus on recovery (year since I finished radiotherapy, but still exhausted) so I"m letting the job opportunities pass, working in my old job part time, and focusing on getting my physical fitness back, and doing some mental recovery too. I've promised myself that I will review this decision in 6 months time. I"ve had to put these boundaries around my thinking otherwise I felt like I was missing out and getting left behind, when in reality what I'm doing is recovering and looking after myself. Hope you find a way to work it out for you - we're all different in our recoveries and how we approach it - but I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. Good luck with it! And thank god we're well enough to work!!! Zen-moment. 🙂 ... View more