Congratulations Harker - wonderful achievement, Awaiting my copy in the mail 🙂 Hope you are well and enjoy the outcomes from this great venture of yours. Zen ... View more

Hi Emma - gosh it's hard isn't it? I am 7 years in remission from an aggressive breast cancer and it's only this year that I've come to realise that I've been treating my body as the enemy and I need to do something therapeutic around it. I used to panic a lot about whether it was coming back; how long did I have; how could I face a relapse and more treatment etc etc - my comment to my Oncologist during the early stages of post-treatment was "I think I could have prepared well for dying - it's the surviving and living on that I'm not sure how to do!" Reality is that cancer changes us on all sorts of levels and our task is to live on, and integrate these changes into who we are. I found talking to a therapist really helpful - and setting small but enjoyable goals for myself. I remind myself every day that I'm so blessed to be here and to be cancer free TODAY. What tomorrow brings is up to the Universe - I'll help by doing everything within my power to stay healthy and well. Hope you feel a bit brighter soon - it gets better, one day at a time :) Zen ... View more

Hi Artist - I joined this site just before you headed off due to study load, and I remember being in awe of your amazing writing. It's good to "see" you again, and yet I, like others have said, am sad that it's a relapse that has brought you back to this space. Thinking of you and wishing you well. Zen ... View more

Ah Loupylass. I am with Harker. This sounds very familiar. It's not crazy in my opinion. I think of it more as the new world order, and yes grief stricken is a common theme in this world. And how about that living in the moment ?! I said to a really annoying person in my early days, I am trying to take it one day at a time like you are telling me to, but I am so scared right now in this day!! I too am very selective about who I talk to and how much I share. I remember a friend stopping me in the school yard at pick up time and grabbing my arm, saying But How Are You REALLY??! I was nauseous from chemo and looked sick, and I said - Great thanks but what about you? Are you Ok?? She was caught off guard and blurted out, I'm ok, it's not me whose got cancer! I think I went through a peverse time when I was capable of deliberately confusing people, which was new to me. Now I talk to one or two who know how to listen and who know that I am not asking them to fix me or things- that I just want some care. So hang in there Loupylass - love the name! This new world takes a bit of getting used to. For me there are moments of light and moments of profound meaning; I hope you find some of this for you. Take care. Zen. ... View more

Hi Emmaround, It sounds like a tough time for you and your mum, sorry to hear that. I guess after being on this site for a while, I've come to realise that everyone experiences a lot of fear in the beginning, and everyone wonders what to do. So you're not alone, and hopefully coming online here will help you feel less alone. Maybe talk with your Mum about just dealing with things in "bite size chunks" at this stage. Just take each thing, each day, one at a time. Find a really good person in the treating team that you can talk to - I"m sure they will have suggestions about what might help both you and your Mum. They have some great treatment for pain, and they will try to help. One thing I"ve learnt is that nothing ever stays the same - everything changes. So for me, each chemo was different, each time I went for radiotherapy was different - sometimes I expected it to be awful and it wouldn't be too bad after all. I learnt to not look too far ahead - just stay in the moment and deal with the moment. None of this is easy to do but you have lots of love and strength combined, and you will find your way through this. Just being there with your Mum, and sharing some of your strength and courage with her - your willingness to hope for the best - these are the gifts you can give her...it mightn't take away the pain but it will help her feel better within herself. Take good loving care of you too Emmaround... Zen 🙂 ... View more

Thinking of you for tomorrow Tim - whatever it is, hope you get some answers. Zen ... View more

Hey John - love that you're getting things done, even if you do get the odd hiccup re pain etc! Isn't it the way... I did the same when I was having chemo - cleaned out every last cupboard and dark corner that hadn't been touched for years. And had to just grit my teeth on the days when I couldn't get up the stairs because my body was so fatigued and sore. Hang in there! Good luck with the house sales, and hope you and your fiance find the right place for your life together. Enjoy! Zen. 🙂 ... View more

Hi CJF - yes... I am 3 years on, no cancer in sight, and I find myself "sabotaging" my body left, right and centre. Sometimes I wonder if it's me being angry at my body for "letting me down" and getting sick when it was the last thing I expected. I wonder if I'm beating up on myself - some kind of subconsious challenge - daring my body to "do it again" - it's a hard head space to be in. Last week I had a memorial activity to go to for a friend who has died, and I found myself crying - just thinking, "I'm sorry, I don't know why you died and I've survived!" And I got this mental picture of her laughing, and reminding me that just because I'm here today, doesn't mean I'll survive tomorrow. So I got to thinking it's all about timing...my time will come, whether it's the cancer or not, so I need to let go these negative thoughts and just trust that I"m meant to be here, and get on with enjoying it. I suspect you probably are strong CJF - I think "strong" is about finding the courage to talk about the fear of survival. Surviving is bloody hard! Hang in there - 5 is only a number - it's not really what life needs to be about. :) Zen ... View more

Hi Hev Good to have you onsite - you sound like you've had quite a time! Glad to hear you found the gawler foundation so helpful. I've heard from a friend with cancer, and his wife, that they found the quest for life centre in NSW good too - Petrea King runs it - there's some good books by her that I found helpful when I was going through early stages of treatment for breast cancer. Her recipe book is really good - lots of vege recipes, not so much vegan. Anyway - good to hear the kelpies are enjoying the exercise too. Take care and welcome. Zen. ... View more

Wonderful news Sailor - brought a tear of gratitude to my eye! The "old man" cancer? Pffft.... thinking of you with lifted spirits! Zen ... View more