Von/Wook, I am sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. Cancer is an insidious disease, it is cruel and once it is in the body of someone you love, it is in the lives of all the family and friends as well. My sons are now 8 and 10, at the time of my husband's diagnosis they were 5 and 7. At the time of his death they were 6 and 8. I chose the approach of being honest with the boys in relation to information, whilst trying to keep it an age appropriate level. Often when a question was asked, I would ask them what they thought the answer was and that would give me an idea of 'where they were at'. It helped me to not overload them with information that they weren't necessarily looking for. It helped me to clarify any misunderstandings that they may have had. On the occasions that I wasn't sure of how to answer (and there were plenty of them) or didn't know the answer ( ditto), I would tell them I didn't know and that I would find out, or that I needed time to think about it. I always used the 'correct' names for things. Kids pick up on so much, often (usually) when nothing has been said, they still know that 'something is going on'. I feel if I was honest with them, yes, they may worry, but hopefully it wouldn't be that their minds were running away by imagining all sorts of things........boys imaginations can be pretty full on!! I made sure that I informed the Principal and class teachers at their school, I had email addresses to keep them in the loop as to what was happening. Open communication was vital and they have been very supportive throughout the last 3 years. I'm not sure if any of my previous blogs say much about what I said to the boys at various stages of our journey, but perhaps you might like to look at them and see if there is anything there that is helpful to you. I can say that I am very proud and constantly amazed at how 'well' my two precious boys have 'coped/managed' during their Dad's illness and following his death. They are the reason I get out of bed every day. The routine of school is a very helpful thing for them to have, it gives them a place to go that is a safe and stable environment. We tried the counselling option, before Greg died, and both boys were VERY reluctant to attend and were even anti me going to see her on my own. When their world is being turned upside down, they need to know that they can trust and rely on the people within their immediate circle. You will know them better than any counsellor, trust your judgement. I wish you all strength and wisdom, courage and love, kind regards, Mrs Elton ... View more

My husband found that light exercise, eg walking, which he then referred to as his 'daily stagger', was helpful in relation to keeping his fatigue 'manageable'. Sailor and Harker both offer good advice, don't be afraid to indulge yourself and reduce your expectations, things have changed...allow yourself to let your thinking change too. best wishes ... View more

Barbara, My sincere condolences to you on the passing of your beloved John. Cancer is cruel. Love is eternal. Sending you love and strength in the days, weeks, months and years ahead. Kind regards, Jill (I apologize for the delay in passing on my condolences, I rarely come on this site anymore, but had the urge to do so tonight). ... View more

Bee, Another idea that I'm not sure how people will feel about....it is something that I intend to do for my sons (7 and 9) and myself........ I am planning (when my boys are ready to do it) for each of us to go through our favourite photos of us with my husband/their father and create a powerpoint presentation (my 9 yr old does these all the time for school) which will give me photos and their own text that I can then use to make a photo book for each of us (from Officeworks/Harvey Norman etc etc). What I also will do (again when we are all ready emotionally) is find the clothes that Greg was wearing in the photos and then a friend of mine is going to make a patchwork quilt using pieces of that fabric. I will have a few special photos on the quilt too, but most of it will be clothing patches. We will have one made for each of us, might use his ties and boxer shorts for the borders. It will be something that we can wrap around us for comfort and warmth in a physical sense but also a nurturing emotional sense. I'm not sure how you would be able to adapt that for Midnight Cupcake and her friends but I'm sure that a bit of brainstorming will find an appropriate answer. These suggestions are sent with love, I hope they don't cause pain or discomfort. Jill xo ... View more

Hi Bee, Another thought, what if all her friends try to come up with a cupcake that is their version of what they think a Midnight Cupcake would be, eg. chocolate cupcake with turkish delight centre. Each friend/family member makes their version, Midnight Cupcake taste tests them all and decides which one she likes the best. Then down the track, there will be something tangible that everyone can do anytime they want to remember her. Jill xo ... View more

Hi Bee, Midnight Cupcake, what a great name! If I think of anything else, I will pop online and send it through. My husband passed away on 30 May last year, his primary was osophageal cancer however he had a secondary tumour on the brain which was inoperable. It is so hard to see the people you love disappear before your eyes. I admire and commend you for your proactive approach to help give support to Midnight Cupcake and her family, It shows you are a truly special person. Kind regards, Jill ... View more

Hi Bee, I am so very sorry to read about this precious young girl and what she and her family are facing. Some suggestions Perhaps manicure/pedicure sessions with her friends crazy hair/hat - who can come up with the most 'out there' look (photos obligatory) cooking her favourite dish/cake/dessert etc and having a special meal with her friends everyone telling their favourite/worst joke (they could be written down and she has to rate them best to worst) everyone writing their own words to a piece of music and then singing it kareoke style mini Australia's got talent competition masterchef challenges - she comes up with an ingredient and her friends have to choose something to make using that ingredient. (they may or may not actually make it, just fun to hear what they come up) Yes/No game, ask people questions and they are not allowed to answer yes or no, if they do, then they are out. See who the winner is. Create a new word and give its meaning eg. awesomnia - so great you can't sleep if you have a scrabble game, put the letters in a bag/box/container, then pass it around, each person takes a letter and has to think of a name/flower/band (whatever you want to nominate) for the letter they pulled out. combine name of first pet, first street where you lived to create your royal title, eg Princess Fluffy Railway They are some ideas that have come to me, I hope that something in there is of use or may lead to another idea that will work. I was trying to think of things that didn't require too much movement/energy and that would also stimulate the other senses, taste/smell/sound. My best wishes to you all, Jill ... View more

Hi BJS, To send a PM, go to the box "my stuff" on the top right of the screen, click on 'messages'. Select, 'write new message', type in Mrs and a drop down option will come up and you just click on Mrs Elton, then type your message. Whenever I log in, it will show that I have 1 new message, but it also comes up on my email inbox on my computer. Good luck!, hope that's clear enough. Mrs Elton ... View more

Hi BJS, I'm sorry that you, your husband and family are on this rollercoaster that none of us would choose to ride. Cancer is an insidious disease, once it is in your loved one's body, then it is in the life of all who love them. I haven't been on this site for a long long time. However tonight, I felt the 'urge' to sign in and see what's happening........I have experience as the carer for a husband who has oesophageal cancer. You may wish to read some of my blogs, I am surprised to see that I am still running 2nd only to the great wise Sailor, even after not visiting the site for so long! I can't offer any recommendation for a good Oncologist at Peter Mac's as I live in WA. However, I thought you might like to PM me with any questions/venting etc etc.........just cos I've been there. I wish for you strength and courage, kind regards, Mrs Elton ... View more