I'm sorry to hear of your partner's diagnosis. This is a hugely stressful time for your family.
I too am a person who needs to consider/prepare for the worst, it is definitely a coping mechanism. Visit the 'idea' of worst case scenario and then try not to let it be what you focus on. I KNOW it is HARD and it will never totally escape your mind........the thing is, you are going to need to reserve as much energy (mental, emotional as well as physical) as you can, to get through each day, particulary for your son, as well as for your partner and of course yourself. Dealing with what is happening on a daily basis will be draining enough without using energy on the 'what if'.
One of the hardest aspects I have found when a loved one has cancer, it may be in their body, but it is also in the 'lives' of everyone they love. We yearn for control, but there is no control when it comes to cancer. It sucks.
Use this website to offload, friends and family are well-meaning and try their best to be supportive and accept all the help they offer.....a huge thing......the reality is, unless they have been through it themselves it is impossible for them to understand how this has affected your WHOLE WORLD. People on this site are living what you are living, the circumstances may be a little different but the emotions are very similar. Fear, anxiety, fatigue, anger, frustration.... the list goes on.
The 'positive thinking' line that you are going to hear over and over and over.........we all know how 'unhelpful' that is. If you have a friend/family member that you can talk to 'warts and all' then by all means do that AND write hear as often as you need to, your thoughts/fears/questions etc etc, just getting them out of your head can be a relief AND the bonus is that for those times when sleep is eluding you and yet it is 'not appropriate' to phone someone in the middle of the night...this site is here 24/7.
Remember that you can call the Cancer helpline anytime also and use what ever resources are available to you, if you're not sure what they might be, talk to the nurses at the hospital, find out if there is a social worker available. You may be eligible for a payment from Centrelink, Carers allowance and/or carer's payment, your partner may be eligible for a disability pension. Investigate this, it is daunting I know, by contacting Centrelink to advise them it may be a possiblity, they record the date of notification and then may be able to start payments from that date.
I've said enough, I'm sorry if it has been overwhelming, I found most things were once my husband was diagnosed.
I wish you and your family strength as you face this challenge together.
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Good for you for coming to this site and posting your first blog.
It takes courage but you will find that it can be such a release to be able to offload your feelings instead of having them continually churning throughout you.
I am sorry to hear of your father's diagnosis. Nothing can prepare you for the instant and dramatic effect that it has on you when a person you love is diagnosed with this insidious disease.
How is your Dad currently?
How do people deal with this? There is no easy answer and no magic pill. It is a matter of 'do what you have to do to get through each day, sometimes it's to get through each hour. Whatever works for you is the 'right' way and the 'best' way for you.
Expressing how you are feeling is a HUGE part of the process, use this site to offload whatever you are feeling, do it in the knowledge that people here 'get it'. Life isn't what it used to be, the insignificant things that work colleagues and friends complain about can be very irritating when you are faced with losing your precious Dad.
I wish you and your Dad strength and courage.
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It has now been 12 weeks since my husband died from this insidious disease.
Other people are getting on with their lives, the dinners don't appear at the door anymore, the phone doesn't ring. There are no more cards or flowers being delivered.
Once the kids are settled in bed, (they now need me to sit with them until they fall asleep), I sit alone on the couch. The tv is on but it doesn't take away the loneliness. I am tired but I hate going to bed, it is so EMPTY.
Three weeks ago I thought I was having a heart attack, I had a tightness in my chest and pain going down my left arm. I went to the local hospital emergency department, they did a heart tracer, chest x-ray and blood test - all of which came back clear for any issues with my heart.
Perhaps this is just what it feels like to have a broken heart.
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My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family on the loss of your precious Dad.
Treasure your memories of happier times with him, I hope that they will bring you comfort.
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I am sorry to hear of your miscarriage in April and of course for the cancer diagnosis.
I am glad to hear that you are 'ok' physically.
I can relate to your fear regarding your new pregnancy, I sufferred many miscarriages and early pregnancy losses, none of which could be explained.
When I was pregnant with our first son I was so afraid, based on previous experience, that something was going to go wrong. When I got to 9 weeks, I decided that I would tell other people as I felt if I kept it to myself then I was sort of expecting the worst and also, I knew I would need a big support network around me.
I wanted to enjoy the pregnancy but couldn't allow myself to get too far ahead, we didn't even start any kind of shopping for cot/pram etc until I was 27 weeks along.
I am now the very lucky and proud mum of two wonderful boys, aged 6 and 8, who were born after I had 10 pregnancy losses, (seven miscarriages and 3 ectopic pregnancies), 6 IVF procedures, removal of one of my fallopian tubes and I conceived them both naturally!! Now, after the loss of my husband and their father just 7 1/2 weeks ago, they are my rocks. They are my reason for getting up in the morning.
I wish you and your fiance, congratulations by the way, peace and joy as you face this together.
My very best wishes to you all,
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How similar our lives are..........I totally GET what you are writing and feeling.
I am so OVER the notification thing, I haven't made a single phone call about any of the stuff I should have since about 2 weeks after Greg died. It is so very distressing to continually repeat the 'new situation' that I find myself in and to have to 'fight' for basic information is ludicrous.
The call that broke my back as it were, was to an organization that Greg dealt with mostly online, it was relating to our 'company' and as I am now a sole director, the information should be 'easy' to obtain. After several phone calls with promises of calls being returned, that weren't, I finally got the right person to talk to, who promptly put up another barrier and then told me 'but you can still access online for all your transactions'........that is the bloody point, I DON'T KNOW THE PASSWORD and I have no way of finding out the password. AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH.
I haven't attempted to change the private health cover, and after reading your words, I am putting that back into the 'deal with that later' pile.
The silent phone, it sucks.
Reaching out is so very hard to do, asking for help....well I feel that I would be asking every 5 minutes. I know that people don't know what to say, but geez when they don't say anything it feels like they don't care.
Our whole world has been turned upside down, shaken and then dropped. It hurts and it hurts that everyone else can move on with their lives like nothing has happened.
Mrs Invisible, I see you and I care about you, keep sharing because I will listen.
Hugs and more hugs,
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I'm really struggling......again....still.
It's been six weeks since Greg died and each day it seems to get harder.
The permanency of him not being with us is becoming all too real.
The adrenalin that I was surviving on in the month before and after he died has disappeared.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.