I understand exactly what you are going through Terri. Dec 6th I was told that I had terminal pancreatic cancer with a timeline of 6 - 12 mths. Treatment may or may not extend the time. I had gone from a 45 year old who was fit, active, energetic with no knowledge that anything was wrong, to a 45 year old who was devastated. The hardest thing of all though was to see the effect that it had on my wife. It destroyed her. This was something that was not meant to happen and did not fit into our plans for the future.
Almost a month later, we are starting to accept things. The understanding of things is something I don't think we will ever achieve.
I recently spent a week in hospital due to some of the added problems caused by the cancer. During this time I spent a couple of hours talking to the hospital counselor. It turned out to be time well spent. Probably the most valuable thing I took away from them ( other then being able to sort things out in my head) was that life hasn't stopped. It still exists and still goes on. The main difference now is that it is much bigger as there is now more to take into account as you go. Don't let this horrible disease destroy you and your life. It's not easy to do, but try. In one of the booklets that was released by the Cancer Council, I came across this quote. "Don't think about the life you have lived, think about the life you are yet to live." It makes a lot of sense to me.
Work through things, share things with your family and friends, don't keep things bottled up. I think everybody hates their life when they are told really devastating news. I did for a while. But what are the choices that we have? We can lash out at the world, hate ourselves and our lives and grow bitter about everything. Alternatively, we could work through things and hold on to life, enjoying what we have for as long as we have it.
Look after yourself and take care,
Tim
btw: the only thing I remember saying when I was told my news was this:
while there is a slight chance, there is a chance. While there is a chance there is hope.
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