hello john,,thanku so much for ur reply,,i am so sorry to hear about ur dad,,i have read ur reply over and over and somewhat u have given me a bit of strength,,my mind has 2 sides rational and irrational,,i no that no one is promised tomorrow,,as i said to my mum,i could drop dead right now of a heart attack or anything,,but then the irrational side starts rearing its ugly head,,the whats ifs?? and i no the what ifs may never happen,,i have battled depression since i was 24 i am now 40 and always the negatives are there,,i ask god for peace,,but at the age of 24 i started suffering panic attacks ocd sub thought,,and when i sought professionally help,,the doc said the death of my dad would of been why,,he said a lot of times something can happen and a lot of times it will start in ur 20s,,mum has always been a nervous person,,and living right opposite i have been there my whole life,,been in a domestic violent relationship,,where as for a lot of years i dont have one single friend,,because of the person i was with,,its always been only my mum,,and i do feel guilty as i no there are little children fighting for there life with this hiddeous disease,,i do wish i could heal everyone..and erradicate the c word..i do have a lot of family members battling cancer,,but not close to me
like my mum..
... View more