I am having a really bad time at the moment. After fighting cancer I didn't expect to have to go through all the relationship problems I have been having. When I thought I had found my life partner and after being together for 15 years, he starts pushing me away and being really mean but then erratically changing his mind wanting to stay then go again all the time. Things haven't been right since the cancer but I thought you are supposed to be there for each other and support each other through the hard times. I don't know how to be on my own anymore. I don't even know how i'm going to support myself and afford the medical bills. People think that it would be fine just to go through the public health system but with the type of tumors I get I need a special doctor and I will probably need this for the rest of my life. My biggest fear is that if I cant afford to see him, no one else will be able to find my tumors and I will get cancer again and possibly die. When he found my first tumor it was stage 4 aggressive and it was virtually invisible and he only found it on a hunch. They said if it was one week later that I would have no chance of survival so I am very lucky to now be classed as a survivor. Then at my one year test he found and removed another one but this time before it turned cancerous. Which is why he thinks I may continually keep getting these all my life. If I had the normal kind shaped like a mushroom, I might not be so concerned about what doctor I saw. I thought the fight was over and we could start living life only to now find out that its all being taken away from me. I am still in the stage where I am hoping we can work things out but at the moment I don't even know where he is and if I will ever see him again. I am trying so hard to give him space but this uncertainty is terrifying. Fear of the unknown. I'm still at home at the moment but he could show up any time and kick me out. I just don't know how to prepare for that. I want this to be all over because I don't feel like I've got the energy to go through it. I need to look after my health but with the amount of stress this is putting on me I'm finding it really hard to even get out of bed/eat/sleep. Feel sick/tired all the time. I'm probably not even making much sense as I've got so many things rushing through my brain and with the lack of sleep I don't seem do be able to sort my thoughts out. I want my life back or at least something close to it - but I think that's just a dream now and every time I wake up I realize I'm back in this hell. ... View more

Hi, I have now survived cancer three times. Last bout was bowel cancer - stage 4 aggressive. I had 30cm of bowel removed along with a heap of lymph nodes. I finished chemo March 2015 but only got the all clear two months ago and got my port removed. I really feel like I'm not coping with anything in life and everyone around me thinks that I should be over it all by now. My Mum doesn't even acknowledge that I have had cancer and breaks down if I even mention it. My friends all backed away during chemo and now my partner of 15 years wants to end things because he doesn't understand I'm not the same person as I used to be and I should be back to "normal" by now. He says "your always sick". Aches and pains that the doctors cant diagnose. I just cant keep up like I used to. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. You cant put any of this onto a new friend. I have asked my doctor several times for help and have seen one psychologist already but she was really not a good fit and didn't seem to understand any of what I'm going through saying "its easy. Just work out what you want and go get it." Not helpful. Trying a new one on Wednesday and I really hope this helps. Thats why I came looking for this site, thinking it would be helpful to talk to others that have been through similar stuff. I am usually a positive person and stayed enormously positive through the whole experience until now. I think everything is finally hitting me. I feel scared anxious and very alone. Ruby ... View more