I can't add anything helpful, except to tell you you're not alone   When I was diagnosed, my youngest son was 3.  My middle boy (then 5) is autistic and has an array of challenges with his development and schooling.  My eldest (then 7) had undiagnosed ADHD and needed help in order to get his education on-track.  And I have always felt deeply that my most important reason for being on Spaceship Earth is to steward those beautiful little boys into a happy and successful adulthood ...    .. so the idea of checking out early was a terrifying kick in the guts.   I'm sorry, I wish I could somehow reduce or mitigate your fear and pain, all I can do is tell you that youre not alone and that you aren't (I HOPE !!) gone yet.  Fight, pay whatever toll you have to pay to survive.  Even after a total mastectomy, you'll still be vital, beautiful people, don't get caught up on the costs & details .. focus on survival.  Don't get overwhelmed, find your anchor as you'll need a lot of mental strength to get through this.   Incidentally, I had a 50% chance of curative treatment, and if it failed, they gave me 6 months to live.  almost 2.5 years later, I remain cancer free and have a good outlook to stay that way (touch wood).  So the odds can be beaten.   Good luck, I hope you win your fight. ... View more

One other mid/late effect post treatment that I haven't mentioned at any point (because it's superficial) is wattle-neck.  You can get a dangly kind of neck a bit like a turkey (but it looks fatter, not wrinkly).  Its water retention from under-performing lymph nodes, if one or both got blasted by rads, you can expect to have a .. danglier, fatter looking face.   If you've already gained weight from the thyroid damage, it can make you look like a big ol' porker (I do at least), which can be demoralising as you don't enjoy food as once you did, and don't really overindulge, you've just taken a bad metabolic hit plus the underperforming lymph nodes. ... View more

Hey There   I mentioned these weird, insidious neck cramps that started happening about half way toward year 2 post-treatment, I think these late effects are under-recognised and worth mentioning for anyone who has been researching what to expect.   So effects that creep in late-game (a year or more post treatment):   Fibrosis/Cramps:  it's the radiation damage that gave birth to these fun adventures in fear and pain - basically if you had one or both lymph nodes blasted, there's very likely to be scar tissue and fibrosis where you open your jaw, so any kind of movement can stimulate the cramps .. like a yawn or chewing or whatnot.  The cramps themselves are like .. a creeping muscle cramp in the side of your face .. a bit like the leg cramps you can get when you overdo running or don't stretch (but a bit less painful).  On the pain scale I'd say "moderate", like ... 5/10 ... but they're disturbing because it's your face.  I haven't tried physio, the doctors say massage and moisturising help, but ... yeah, it's likely to be something to deal with for a while.  For me it started at 1.5 years post treatment and now is continuing with at least 1-3 incidents per week, at 2.25 years post-treatment.   Thyroid Damage / Weight gain:  if youre gaining weight at all, get your thyroid tested at your earliest opportunity, before the problem starts to snowball.  It's another result from radiation damage, you can suffer from 'radiation induced hypothyroidism' (or something like that), and it causes fatigue, slowed metabolism, all that fun stuff.   Still, all great problems to have, if they're the cost of remaining among the living.  It's important, even when dealing with multiple issues, to maintain a positive outlook and find fun & enjoyment in your life. ... View more

Rude version:   how long do I have to wait for you to die ? ... View more

"What is your prognosis ?"   Be courteous, respectful, listen actively, and if they show signs of clear discomfort, cease the line of questioning. ... View more

Also mate - on 'withdrawal from society'   For me, I absolutely turtled up.  Selfishness in the face of cancer i OK, I was protective of my own mental health, and also wanting to hide the worst of the struggle from my children, and I did a pretty great job in retrospect.   So a deliberate withdrawal if it's beneficial is good, don't feel guilty about it.   BUT ... if it's symptomatic of depression, then I'd strongly suggest to do everything you can to fight it.  Think of your strategic actions against it as medicine.  Medicine isn't fun, it tastes like shit .. but if you don't take it, you will be so much worse off.   Sounds to me like you need facts, you need numbers, you need to get a handle on your disease.   You strike me as a logical, data rational person, and there's a massive amount of data available - if you do searches about your disease type, and include "pubmed" you'll find stats and research info about the disease.  The news may be awful .. but sometimes bad news can liberate us from anxiety as it's better knowing.  But the news may be great too ..    My initial survival chance was 40%, and info was slow coming, in the 3 weeks between initial tentative diagnosis and the full blown treatment plan, there was so much uncertainty - and I armed myself with some of the above .. I learned that having a genetic marker called P16 (originating from HPV+ cancer) gave me a +20% or more survival chance.  I learned that having a spouse gave me +2%, I learned all kinds of little factoids like that, and just understanding my disease and my chances better allowed me to wind back and .... COMPARTMENTALISE - put cancer in one bucket, life in the other, separate them and do your best to keep them separate.  Face one, enjoy the other, wherever possible.   DISTRACTION - self indulgently throw yourself into whatever it is that feeds your soul the richest and deepest food.  I don't care if it's bulgarian online strippers or playing Dungeons and Dragons .. replace your anxiety with your most shamefully enjoyable hobby/pleasure/addiction (er .. except really destructive stuff like needle drugs and other disclaimers).  For me it was computer games 😕 ... View more

Mate, I can only tell you what works for me, and what I think MAY work for some people ...   Distraction & Compartmentalisation.   I have friends with full-blown anxiety disorders, and I understand that it's not a "shake it off soldier" kind of situation, it can be pervasive and progressive.   What I reckon is a viable approach:   - keep a diary of all the cancer stuff .. appointment dates etc, so you don't forget anything - aside from the diary and participation in treatment, do your absolute best not to dwell on it - when you start thinking about cancer and the future with cancer, instead choose your favourite hobby and indulge shamelessly in it.  If you're an online gamer, spend six hours gaming, if you're a fitness guru, run for two hours - totally inject yourself in your favourite hobby   Anxiety wants to get it's hooks in and once it does, it's like trying to remove a fish-hook .. more likely it's going to drag you further in a direction you don't want.   I think that selfish, gluttonous distraction might help (and if nothing else, might give SOME fun along the way).  I think of it as a bit like bathing in thick glutinous vaseline, such that when the hooks land on you, it's possible they may not catch and instead slip past, leaving you unscathed.   It's probably a bit of a daily battle, but if you can find some kind of habit-forming strategy that allows you to bypass the anxiety, I'd work on it.  I think it's important to step back and strategically experiment with it, rather than get caught up  in (and dragged down by)  the pathology/symptoms of the anxiety. ... View more

"I guess what I'm saying is I don't disclose current health condition(s)"   I want to be careful not to advocate any specific course of action, but note this advice about using credit card cover.  Those credit card insurances are typically not .. great .. as far as terms and limitations go, and .. by not disclosing health conditions, you're technically in breach of your Duty of Disclosure.   BUT .. they provide this 'set and forget' insurance, and it's easy for them to do, and from a business sense part of the cost of that is having to untangle 'tricky' claims where there has been a false / failed / incomplete disclosure.   Anything unrelated to the cancer ?  You claim is most likely going to be completely fine.   Anything that may directly or indirectly be attributed to the cancer ?  You may have some uncomfortable discussions with the insurance company regarding your improper disclosure, and where and how their liability ends.  (And note that even if they outright refuse to be on the hook for the costs of claims, they are still experts in travel/medical emergencies, and can help you limit your costs).   Every day, when people buy insurance, they answer "NO" to that question "Do you have a Pre-Existing Condition ?", and they get their insurance, unaware of the breach in their Duty of Disclosure.     If you fell into that bucket, you'd have a policy, but if you had a cancer related problem, it would get messy.   So .. don't travel against medical advice, and have enough money in the bank or equity in your mortgage that if something went cataclysmically wrong and it's cancer-related, you can deal with the emergency.  Otherwise, the insurance actually wants you as a customer and wants to cover all those non-cancer claims, it's just a very murky and tricky area for all parties. ... View more

Hey Mate   When booking the cruises, did you know about the cancer ?  And did you buy travel insurance at the time ? If so, my advice (personal and off the record, not representing any specific company) is simple:  claim. The cancer was not a pre-existing medical condition at the time, because you didn't know about it.   Now ?  It's a "volatile" medical condition.  Insofar as any condition that's hospitalised you in the past 12 months is automatically off the table for cover in most insurances.  And yep, if you make a full disclosure when buying insurance, the companies are regrettably too conservative and will likely say "sorry, we cant"   So, that leaves only a couple of options:   - go anyway, uninsured (you personally carry the risk of stuff that might go wrong) - a person who didn't understand the disclosure questions and all that PDS stuff could buy a travel insurance online - if a claim were not medically related at all, it would likely just be paid out, if it were medical but no relationship whatsoever to cancer (eg, car accident), likely same - the cancer issue would probably go undetected.  But if it were something like food poisoning or whatnot and her medical history came out, the insurer could potentially fold their arms and say "you didn't disclose, this is your problem, we are not financially liable!"   I can't advocate sneaking around the complex and tricky terms & conditions surrounding insurance - but the reality is these companies all sell online, and they allow others to buy the insurance on your behalf, so disclosure mistakes happen all the time.  If they say to your face "no we wont cover you", that is clearly their intent .. but in a large majority of insurance purchases, it's a quick 2 minute online transaction, and the policy is in place, with the insurer on the hook.   But in any scenario, if there were a claim that clearly related to the cancer, there's a high likelihood that it would be challenged, and you'd have to plead ignorance on the duty of disclosure stuff built into these policies.   It's a tricky area of insurance, I think the prevailing view is - dealing with cancer ?  Put your holiday on hold and rest.   BUT ... there's a bucket list aspect to this disease, and personally, if I had spent a massive amount of money for some lovely cruises, I'd find ways that enabled me to take my trip.  (It's a shame if you didnt arrange insurance when slapping down your deposit on the cruises - in which case I'd probably claim and travel in a year or two when things are settled).   Final note:  if you don't get insurance and decide to still go, note that most of these insurance companies will resolve major emergency incidents on contract - basically they're monolithic insurers with big bucks and relationships, and you can ring their emergency assistance arms and say "I'm an aussie stuck in denmark, I don't have insurance but I need to organise an air ambulance and repatriation to australia as cheaply as possible" and they will do that on your behalf (you're on the hook for costs, but those costs can be tremendously mitigated given the networks & experience at play). Sorry, I can't give you a clear-cut black & white advice, just the ramblings of someone who knows a little about the industry and products. You need to weigh it all up and form a strategy on this.  In your shoes, I'd find a way to go and take as much joy in the trip as I can (unless her cancer made it non-viable).  Seriously, cancer treatment does give you horrible waves of fatigue.  I'm more than 2 years out and I still get awful depleting waves of fatigue that can shut me down out of nowhere. ... View more