hey, i'm in the same boat as you. My dr said i will be on some form of chemo for the rest of my life. I have stage 4 colorectal cancer with mets to lungs and liver and was diagnosed 9 months ago. I'm on folfiri with cituximab so have fortnightly treatments and get the lovely bum bag and pump to take home as well. When i was first diagnosed it was a if they hadn't picked it up i wouldn't of made x-mas but since starting treatment i had 4 tumors in my liver and now only  have 1 large one and my bowel lining isn't as thick and the 2 in each of my lungs are down to mm instead of cm. the lung tumors in the last scan have strated growing again but are still only mm which is why he introduced the cituximab iv had 12 cycles so far i'm still inoperable and they won't do anything until my lungs are clear but Dr. B is now saying that if we get rid of them we can look at surgery. Don't give up hope. Enjoy every moment with your kids and grandkids that you can, the fact that you are still helping them out when you can is great. And your tumors have shrunk!! that is great news. I also struggle with feeling like my life revolves around cancer with chemo, blood tests, scans etc but you need to remember why you are doing it and why your are going through it. Every day you are able to help out or spend time with family is a reminder of why you are doing what you are doing. i'v started meditating and walking on my good days as well and i feel that helps (but i think it's more a control thing because i can't control the cancer or my reaction to the chemo but i can control what i'm eating or when i'm exercising) but also fishing it's one of the things i can do when i'm not 100% and being outside always seems to make you feel more motivated. and if you do it off the rockwalls you will always find someone to have a chat with. No one expects you to be positive all the time it's to hard, but if you focus on the now instead of the what might be it makes everything alot more easier to cope with and enjoy the little things. I wish you all the best on you journey, nikki xxx ... View more

update: spoke to my dr and he said if you would like to do it you need to register with the police which is a form that you need to get the dr to sign to say you only have 12months to live. thats so if you get drug tested it's ok. but... i don't think its cool that they put time restrictions on everything, like the councilor told me i should get my super out but to do that you need 2 drs to say you are going to die within 2 years. I feel like with cancer you try your hardest to stay positive and not to give up hope but then you are constantly made to face your mortality and be reminded that your expiry date is nearly up. I don't know thats just my experience maybe.   Hope everyone is doing well xx ... View more