My father had some sort of cancer in his face and neck probably 16/17 years ago. He still suffers from the radiation side affects. My mother had breast cancer 15 years ago, had a mastectomy and chemo. Sailed through it all really well. 2016 I was diagnosed with Nodular Melanoma.  Surgery. Then appeared in a lymph node. More surgery. Then Melanoma  blind immune therapy trial. Then massive side affects from that. Nearly died. Now my mother has just been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer recurrent. 15 years after original breast cancer. She has now been told it's not curable but is treatable.  So starts aggressive chemo next week. She's 80 in May. I sure as heck am not ready to lose her! She's determined to fight it with everything she has. Plus my sister in laws mother is days away from succumbing to gynaecological cancer. How do we get off this roller coaster ride?! ... View more

How can you tell I love you? I kiss you when you are sleeping I tickle your back to help you sleep I like to touch you when you sleep I check to see if you are breathing during the night I hold your hand when we're out walking together I rest my hand on your leg when you are driving I sit with you for long hours in hospital I don't want you bored for endless hours sitting waiting for me in hospital I worry about you I nag you about your health because I care I cut your hair, trim your beard I like to snuggle and I like you spooning me I go into boring shops with you, including shopping I sit with you whilst you watch countless hours of American Pickers I check on you when you're late home I worry you work too hard I worry when you don't sleep well I don't want to lose you I love hearing you laugh ... View more

I yam what I yam, That's all I can be. I'm sick of this illness, That keeps plaguing me. My scars I liken to pages in a book, Each a reminder of another breath I took. Clexane is evil, sinister and sick, I detested each and every painful prick. My lungs are shit, my thyroid has died, Kidneys aren't great, my fitness is fried. Steroids have been the bain of my life, For everything they fixed, they caused more strife. My who body aches, from my head to my toes, Will I ever be healthy? Who bloody knows!? A decent night's sleep, with no aches and pain, Is something I wish will happen again. I went on this trial to live longer each day, But instead of achieving that, it nearly took my life away. I'm the sunscreen Nazi and you must wear a hat, If I see you without, then we're in need of a chat! Life can be cruel and it nearly beat me, I wouldn't have made it this far, without friends and family. ... View more

I'm pining for the life I had, My aches and pains make me sad. I've lost so much, my healths not great, I have a new normal to add to my slate. 12 months have passed oh so quick, The 15th of Jan will always stick. I have flash backs of that God awful day, I nearly died, I nearly went away. 3 ambulances caused a bit of a stir, 5 hours to stabilise me, I'm thankful of her. (Dr Bethel) A Medstar flight to the RAH, Poor John had to travel alone by car. I spent a week in intensive care, John by my side, was always there. I was in a bad way, I couldn't walk, But they sure were glad when I started to talk. Another 3 weeks before I was transferred back, A further week in hospital, then I was back on track. Finally home, finally free, Family come to visit, to babysit me. I came close to knocking on heaven's door, But thankfully for me I was needed here more. ... View more

Growing old is the pits, You get greying hair and sagging tits. It hurts to move or when lying still, Your list of jobs makes you Ill. Where's the toilet, I need to pee? Five times per night, is not good for me! The lines on your face, deepen their groove, I'm not functioning yet, it hurts to move. Laughter lines? I don't think so, Where's the toilet, I need to go? I can't open jars, my hands are weak, My energy is draining as we speak. Climbing a chair, easier said than done, I have no spark, no sense of fun! By 7 o'clock we're all done in, It's off to bed for some light readin(g). Can't sleep, mind won't let me rest, I get up in the morning, not feeling my best. I toss, I turn, I hurt, I pee, Goodness, what is happening to me? When I want to wear pull ups, what can I say? Getting out of bed, is there an easier way? Hurts to stand, hurts to walk, Hurts to lie here, doesn't hurt to talk. Your skin is fragile it marks and tears, Something I now hate, bleedin(g) stairs. Will it get better, who bloody knows? I can't even bend to wash my toes. Getting bigger, putting on weight, Prednisone has sealed my fate. Where's my pain meds, Where's my pills? Is it time to update our wills? Where did my youth go, it has come and went, It's 9am and I'm totally spent. Where are my glasses, I cannot see? Oops, hang on a minute, I need to pee. What's that you say, it wasn't that clear, To top it all off, I can't bloody hear!   ... View more