I lost my partner two months ago. I was there holding his hand as palliative care medication took effect. It was what he wanted, no more trouble breathing, he couldn't eat, just wanted out....and for the caregiver also it is so hard, wanting your loved one not to suffer and to have release....yet afterwards it is so final, so so final.....I'm finding useful You Tube videos, TFT modality and bereavement support. But no matter what, it's hard and grief doesn't go away. At the same time my mum is 92 and tho feisty and alert, is getting frail, so I'm with her now, overseas, friends only available on the phone. Challenging in many ways. Carers Victoria and the Hospice offer free counselling. I had 1 session before and 2 after bereavement. Very helpful, and a monthly group meeting here was great as well. I hope there will be a section on this site or connected to it where memories and grief can be shared. Just having an outlet, whether a journal or online, makes a difference. I am developing a whole new level of compassion out of this experience. Crying is resilience, so is nurturing myself with a massage or quiet time. Hurting is hurting....not to get too caught up in it is the thing....One memory helps me - As we waited for the ambulance to come to take T to palliative care, a very bright rainbow unexpectedly appeared. T managed to sit up and view it, told me to grab the camera and take a photo....we shared a deep feeling of peace and everything's all right. Family and friends later said they'd seen it too! That picture enlarged and framed kept me going all the time I packed to move, and the memory of it sustains me when the pain cuts through. ... View more

Hi Sharon I've been going through exactly what you describe. My friend is home on oxygen after 6 days in hospital with "pleural fluid." Oh, the medicos tell him, your pain could be from blood clots or pleurisy, both are common with metastasis in the lungs. Well, they say to him, we can't really do much more but come back anyway in a month to onclology and we'll review your case (meaning, you will probably be in hospice by then). I went to a counsellor for carers who listened while I talked for an hour, I just couldn't seem to stop. It was good to uncork the bottled up feelings. By the time I go again in a couple of weeks, who knows what will have happened. I wish I were a better nurse, gifted with patience, patience and acceptance. As the serenity prayer says, to have the wisdom to tell the difference between what I can change and what I cannot.....and it seems what I can change is my consciousness, my perception, my interpretation, my attitude. That's a lot.....I have come a long way, far enough to see how far there is to go. And for my friend, how much more difficult it all is! To go from active to inactive takes a lot of adjustment. Thank goodness for the Palliative Care team and the Royal District Nursing Service for their support. It makes it bearable. I am being as brave as I can and crying if I need to....and remembering a bigger picture of what's eternal and infinite, (whatever that means to you). My heartfelt good wishes, Louise ... View more

Hi Morris What are the qualities Petrea King considers important? I'll do a search for her website as I've heard of her work before and was interested to see you mention her. I went to a one-day seminar about Advanced Cancer in August. It was good to meet other carers and hear the range of different experiences, while people with cancer met in a separate group. There were speakers on several helpful topics too. No matter how much I've searched online information, real people speaking seem better, partly because of the chance to interact with them. Thanks and good wishes Louise E ... View more

I'll put in a Silly Joke "Doctor, Doctor, I want a second opinion" "Ok, come back tomorrow" Laughter is the best medicine and I love getting a positive feeling. I'm so happy I discovered this part of the blogs! Cheers, Louise E ... View more

Thanks for all you've written here - this is very similar to the past few days for me. All the best, Louise E ... View more

Hi Livey I'm happy to hear your op went well....you have a wonderful attitude and I know it will help you go through everything with courage. All the best, Louise E ... View more

I too practise positive thinking, now I'm practising acceptance as well. Hard to do when I really want a postponement of the inevitable. There's a saying "Grant me the wisdom(?) to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" that sums up my current outlook. Just knowing others find it tough going is somehow comforting to me. I'm usually the strong one, hard to accept I am as vulnerable as I feel at times. I am starting to realise how important it is to care for myself and I've just spoken to Carers Victoria about getting counselling because now it's more about facing the facts. I still head into denial even as I say that. Anyway, I hope you are doing ok Doreen. ... View more

It is so good to read all these comments. I know you will all understand the tears in my eyes when I got to the end. My friend is organising his paperwork so it will be easy for the family to carry out his wishes etc and he wants to make a simple will. I try to remain optimistic about his having quality of life for a while longer. I know if I were the one coughing blood, getting breathless from tumours in my lungs, facing chemo without much help from it.....I would want to get my affairs in order too. And I'd really want someone to believe in me and encourage me too, at least up to a point, but sometime denial has to be replaced with acceptance. I'm signing off to call Carers Australia as per Louisa's blog. It's good to have a few options for myself and this "safe place" is invaluable. Good wishes to all. ... View more