Naomi, There really is not words that can do this grief and loss justice. It feels like your life as you knew it is now over, and that nothing can take you back to how it used to be any longer. It's so soon since your husband passed away. But not just that, you've also had to grieve before this when your husband was originally diagnosed with cancer.  It's like two for the price of one 😞   Do you have many family and friends around that can help with caring for you and your daughter? So even if they can't know what you are going through right now, perhaps they can help with care (you and your daughter)?   I know that it feels as if your life will never be whole again without your husband, but the pain will ease a little and will heal somewhat with time, and your daughter will always love you.   Have a look at the e-Books here regarding talking to children about cancer. https://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/types-of-cancer/childhood-cancers/talking-to-kids-about-cancer.html   -sch             ... View more

Hi NaomiW, I am so very sorry to hear this. It's such a very short time that you got to be together and seems very unfair to you and your family. We are all hear and listening to you. Not all of us have lost partners, but many of us have lost loved ones (be it partners or family).   You can also call the telephone support service. https://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/patient-support/   How is your daughter?   -sch ... View more

Hi cdoss71, Some days you sit there think, well this has been a shit year. That one could just piss right off and I wouldn't miss that year at all. Not one bit.   So what is the prognosis? What is the plan? And how are you?   -sch ... View more

Hi, In my experience, each time I've needed to have the contrast dye, it's because they haven't been able to see clearly.  I wouldn't read anything into the fact that they didn't administer the dye.  It's generally administered simply because they needed to see more clearly. Also,  I've found that the determination of your illness is not performed by the person who also does the scan.   That's just my experience. Contract your Doctor for your results.   -sch ... View more

Hi Georgie, I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you and reoccured. I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. I guess noone really knows whether it will return or not, but after 10 years! You never know, with a bit of luck, that might be the end of it. I hope so. Any further treatment plans or just scans for now?   -sch ... View more

Sorry, I'd had to post yesterday without finishing what I wanted to say. It's quite emotional draining thinking about it and writing it, and if I didn't post it then and there, I would have just deleted it again.   During this time while I was in this crazy state it felt very much like I was neither alive or dead, but in some half way house where  I could neither live or die. I was locked in. Often wandering the tunnels, in a world full of pain and torture that I couldn't escape from.  I felt like I was moving back and forth in time and space (all of this is actually  a condition called Post Traumatic Amnesia), with pockets of semi-consciousness. Often there was just nothing. But because I only had isolated patches of memory, I couldn't remember that I was unable to walk, so they had to tie me down to the bed in a straitjacket.   I recall thinking and praying, if there is a God and he loved me, where is he now? How could he leave me here like this trapped inbetween these two worlds? During one of the pockets of consciousness, I was laying on the bed (I was in a locked ward), watching TV and a priest from my local area was on television being interviewed. Was this a sign? Two days later, I was finally able to remember something that had happened earlier that day. After more than 6 weeks in a messed up living personal torture chamber I had completed emerging from PTA.   So, after all of this, does this mean I am religious? Personally I've found that I'm still no closer to an answer that I was before.   I just have more questions.   Which makes me think of this news article about astronauts.   https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-07-19/moon-landing-anniversary-astronauts-turned-religion-spirituality/11301606?sf215979870=1   During the address, given to a small crowd in a bowling club in a country town in north-west New South Wales — which must have seemed like galaxies away from space travel glory for Irwin — he described a personal moment that was profoundly affecting. Standing on the Moon and looking back at Earth, Irwin was able to close one eye, hold up his thumb and cover the entire planet — every mountain, every city, every person, every valley, every ocean.   All under his thumb. Irwin said it made him feel terrifyingly small.   He went on to claim that many of the astronauts involved in those early days of space walks and Moon visits embraced spirituality or religion. Some had existential crises and struggled to understand the meaning of their lives.     So whether we have been locked inside our own minds or we are astronauts and struggling to come to terms with our own insignificance, we are still trying to work out where we fit in.   -sch       ... View more

I don't really know what to think. It's all pretty stuffed up. I was involved in a major motor vehicle accident many years ago which resulted in a severe acquired brain injury. They had to drill 3 or 4 holes into my skull for drainage including one in to the middle of my brain because of a large brain haemorrhage causing high pressure inside my skull. I won't go into the gory details, but it gets a lot worse. The end result is that when I woke up, it's like someone had taken my brain out and put it in a blender, then put it back in again and left me to try and make sense of everything again.   I can remember being in a a hospital bed (unable to move or communicate - only move my eyes) and looking around and understanding where I was, but hallucinating like crazy. I can remember yelling in pain for hours on end, but who knows how long it was. I had amnesia for 3 weeks.   Coming out of the coma, I can remember walking through long tunnels under ground in darkness trying to find my way up to consciousness again. There is a lot more to this tale, but I don't know how to tell it. I'm not too sure if there is a God or not. But I think there is something.   -sch ... View more

Hi SimpleAstronat, How are you now? I have Lynch Syndrome too (HNPCC).  Similar to you but not the same. I had a total colectomy. I have a hernia in my stomach (3 hernia) and I need to have more surgery. I really, really don't want to go under the knife again. I've lost count of how many surgeries I've had.   -sch ... View more

Hi Anihcup, Everyone who is diagnosed with cancer is scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared of the future. Scared for their families. Everyone will feel anxiety about the surgery, the treatment, scared and anxious about the future. What differs is how we deal with it. Some people will shut down and not communicate, some people will become extroverted and others might become aggressive for whatever reason.   Everyone will deal with it differently, but I can tell you that everyone who has had cancer is scared at some stage. Just know that you are here with people who can appreciate the situation you are in.   The medical profession has made amazing progress in the treatment of cancer.   -sch ... View more

Hi Deb25,   No-one here can change the out come, but I'd like to hear more about your son as a person. What can you tell me about him?   -sch   ... View more