Good morning Rick,   What went wrong? As you know, I'm an IT Guy. It is never a problem with the software. It's the end user. Never too bright. Doesn't pay attention. Thinks he knows what he's doing.   Same story. Instead of software, there is a drug, but in this scenario, I am a user. In a nutshell, I wasn't too bright, I didn't pay attention and I thought I knew what I was doing.    Pssst ! Rookie!   I got confused with what I was fighting. Chemo is supposed to hurt. Chemo sucks balls. It is certainly not supposed to make me feel like I'm walking on sunshine. By comparison, I expected it would make me feel like I was walking on the sun... or at least Mercury. Probably in reality,  a hot tin roof, but I prepared myself for a walk across the sun.   Yay me. I passed another test demonstrating I can be tough and brave instead of inteligent and strategic. Guess by my tone. Am I a little hard on myself?   The lesson I take away from this is, it is possible to be tough enough and be brave enough to some serious damage, if not kill yourself in the process.    What else? There is a line in the sand. Crossing it is defeating it's purpose.   What else? When you reach the line in the sand, take the appropriate action.   Too cryptic for readers? I should stop beating around the bush and spit it out. It's probably because I'm a little (with sarcasm) embarrassed that I let this happen. But I shouldn't let it get me down. I'm feeling much better this morning. I've got a lot of positivity. It's a big beautiful blue sky outside my window. Speaking of which, Canberra gets more sunny days per year than the Barossa, attributing to the local fine shiraz. Which, I will add is stunning with cheese.   Mmmmm. Cheese 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🍷   Right! Get on with it!   Fight cancer with Chemo. Don't fight chemo. It will make you feel bad, but it can be  worse. It is a toxin for your body. I was trying to ride it out instead of saying too much. That's not the point of chemo. It is kind of a suck it and see approach. If it's not destroying you... fine. If it's destroying you, let's reassess. I didn't understand that.   I think of myself as having an easy cancer. Cut it out and all gone. Then chemo for 3 months as an insurance policy. I feel like am arse talking about it because so many people reading have much longer treatments and greater life impacts than I can expect. So it kind of makes me feel I shouldn't complain and just accept what's coming. Who want's to be marked as the lucky guy who get's off easily and still whines about it. Not me, but that's how I feel. Maybe the mistake is comparing my journey to others' and forgetting that my journey is unique.   Bringing me to the last point. When to say when. A new phil-osophy. Instead of trying to identify if I've reach the line in the sand, ask someone else if they think I have. I wasn't aware I jumped over it and charged ahead. I wasn't experienced enough to know when too much was dangerous. I should have asked the people who deal with it on a daily basis. But..  you know... I didn't want to be a bother.   😐   ... View more

Hi Lampwork    If things are going well for you, you are part way through your 10 hour sleep cycle. 😔😴😔😴😔😴😔😴😔😴😒   Not me. Back in hospital. 🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒   I'm a sad case. Didn't spot the warning signs early enough. 🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑   My chemo cycle has been much harder than the first. I thought I was just being soft and I had to just keep on fighting. 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺   No. Not quite the case. I was actually in danger. ☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠   I actually should have pulled the pin on Monday, maybe even Sunday, but pushed through Wednesday. 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢   Are you digging my illustrations? Maybe a little immature but it's nearly 3:30 in the morning and I'm BORED! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭   So lesson learnt. Don't kill yourself fighting chemo. Supposed to fight cancer. 👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👨‍🎓   Still here. Crisis averted. Safe and sound in the big house. That is "big house" from a sick person's context, not a convicts. 🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥   Settling in for a few days of gourmet food. I can almost taste the sarcasm.  🍲🥗🥘🍛🍝🥩🥙🍜🥮🍰   Want to know the funny bit? I was part way through having dinner, preparing to take my chemo tablets mid meal. My Oncologist arrived and interrupted. He told me this cycle is now being aborted. I was literally about to take the next dose when he arrived.  😂😂🤣😂😂🤣😂😂😆😂   Not that funny at all really. I thought it was a matter of treat the symptoms while on chemo. But no. Stop the chemo because it's killing me. 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕   That's my latest and greatest newzzzz . Chemo cycle 2 ended today. 🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁   I have 2 weeks until the next cycle starts. That's worth celebrating in my book. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳   I Hope You slept well.   Cheers   Phil   ... View more

Hi KateKat   I've been waiting for a Wednesday song. Any luck?   I found this one. This guy was the guitarist in the Red Hot Chili Peppers      As for me. I'm now in hospital. Chemo blues got me. Probably just over night. We shall see.   Cheers    Phil ... View more

Very nice. I'm looking forward to the rest of the week.    I forgot I knew how to play that song on guitar. I will have to practice it and refresh my soured brain with the lyrics. The only other Stones song I tend to play is Mother's Little Helper which seems appropriate with the number of tablets I'm taking daily.   Sun is nice in Canberra, yesterday and today. Can't stay too long because I'd have to slip, slop, slap and yesterday, I didn't even have the motivation to drink water. My body is suffering today but my mind has bounced back a little. It's nice here because I can hear the water running in my hydroponics system, which is a nice babbling brook sound. Unfortunately my lettuce aren't showing any signs of growing.   To segue momentarily, big thanks to my friends Jean, Russel and Steve (who will probably never know I thanked them here) for putting together a working bee to finish construction of my green house around the time of my surgery. Hip hip! Hooray 🥳. So my citrus plants didn't die in the frost. YAY!   So anyway, strawberries, raspberries, (thornless) blackberries, grape vines, olives, apricot root stocks, roses, climbers, tomatoes, carrots, herbs... everything is going off in this beautiful warm sunshine.   So Kate... here is a song for you. I've been listening to the Cure a lot lately. I think it's a chemo thing but at least this isn't very depressing.     ... View more

Hi Jerry   He looks every ounce a buddy; and a family member. Looks like you've got an SG sitting there in the background.   Thanks for posting the photo. How have you been going?    I've been suffering chemo blues lately. It's a drag. I try not to complain about a drug that could be saving my life, but it gives me a lot to complain about. On the other hand, it silences my own motivation to  complain.   Take care. Keep posting. Tell me about your guitar.   Cheers   Phil ... View more

Workplace conversations. I avoided telling people at work, but word is spreading and people stop for the chat.   When I started my journey, I reflected on how I'd avoid talking to people if they had cancer, but if I had to talk to them, just act natural and don't bring up the C word. Whilst reflecting from my new position of wisdom, I thought I was just being a coward and I should have reached out while the opportunity was there.   Now, back at work (but not today), dealing with colleagues who want to start talking about my health in an open office, I struggle to answer simple questions like How are you today?" I could be polite and say I'm fine when I really feel like a shipwreck. The conversations can be so long and I don't like to be rude, but it's hard enough to focus at work. I'm not doing full hours again yet and there isn't much time to feel like I'm contributing.   Sorry Claire, chemo brain has me today. Not sure if my rambling is going anywhere. Hopefully a few people in your workplace will just treat you normally and not want to dredge up stuff.   I've made it out into the warm sun this morning but not for long. I think I'll curl up in bed until my lovely wife returns home.   Peace out! ... View more

🐄🐃🐂 = 🧀🧀🧀 ... View more

An old time favourite from my youth. ... View more

I'm quiet because of the chemo doldrums, but I've been reading.   🤓 ... View more

Thanks Ginger,   I haven't even been dressing up for my return to work. Jeans, shirt and trademark vest. And just after chemo cycle starts, I include some poorly styled warm gloves and big coat. Canberra winters. At the end of cycle, feeling better, looking healthier, but still can't manage a natural looking smile for the selfie. When they said they were rescheduling my interview, I had a panic because I thought they'd push it past the start of cycle 2. Fortunately, it was just at the end of cycle 1.   I must admit though, it was nice to dress down again after the interview. I guess my journey has taken that energy out of me. Feeling comfortable is my goal. My beard got a descent trim as well. I think it is suiting my bikie look, but my bike is unregistered now until after chemo and I plan to shave it then, so I won't be riding with the beard anyway.    I don't know how brave I've been feeling. Just going through with the things I need to do. Relying on all my coping mechanisms. Not sure it's enough. Certainly couldn't do this journey alone.   I have some song ideas, this one is a pick me up. It has mojo.   But maybe you need a sad song from Elton, which is designed to make you feel good.   Or maybe just sway to the way you feel and find your own song. I write many songs this way. Have a look at this photo. One of my favorite guitars. It sounds so mellow and sad. Perfect for writing sad songs. It's been in storage since before I moved house. I got it out last weekend and played for a few hours without a pick. Checkout the tarnish from the strings and the worn out fingernails. I needed to play out some sadness on the old girl. My fingers were in agony, but totally worth it.   Moisturiser! Moo Goo. Check them out online, they offer an Oncology pack. Deliver it cheaper than you can buy from a shop.   Getting up so often in the night. You make me feel like I'm sooking again. I worry about waking my wife. I'm still not working full time hours, but she hasn't stopped. So, pressure is on to keep her functioning. I hope your impact on hubby is minimal.   Post cancer diagnosis = celebrate every day. Tuesdays and sunny days especially.    Take care Ginger. We are keeping you and your family in our thoughts.   Ciao   Phil ... View more