A line in the sand can be altered in many ways. The wind and the surf, for instance. The surf is a constant. As the tide changes with the passage of time.  The breeze or wind is another factor that can alter that line. And imagine all the other variables. The line drawn is established concept of the goal, the end result crafted in design with purpose and intent. Cancer treatment encourages hope and a path forward, beyond the line. As long as the line is constant and  visible.  Chemo and radiation therapy are variables with evidence to encourage the reinforcement of hope. The counsel of the care providers and all of the other people in support, give an enormous sense of satisfaction in the will to believe there is another path awaiting. Honestly, I am uncertain, with mixed feelings. but I'm also one to embrace the positive of looking forward. The power of Positive thinking or mental attitude. Borrowing a phrase from Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. I believe our bodies are very capable and designed to maintain good to excellent physical health. Given we do our part in proper care. Meaning healthy choices over time. Like the long term of our life span. Our bodies do all these wonderful things behind the scenes without much thought to the actual goings on. I also like to believe consciously we can direct our bodies to get well. I mean, why not? We have a mind and a brain, a spirit and soul.  So I'm attempting to be optimistic  about the process of healing and restoration to a healthy state of being.  This week I resume chemo in a lower dose. As to minimize the effects. It is difficult for me to not focus on the downside of the chemo. So I need to practice on my positive mental outlook and empower my thoughts to believe in the process that will heal and restore. Meanwhile, back to living life, Right?  Back to my drafting table drawing nature as I see it. Spending good quality time with my "Wooki". My faithful labordoodle, best friend on the planet. Pictures later, maybe. At this moment attending to cranberry orange muffins fresh from the oven. Have a great day.                 ... View more

My first round of chemo was so intense. First of all I sort of identify with the very idea of a nature boy, in tune with the mother herself. Oh I've enjoyed the early years of mind altering state of being and the likes. Probably helped me develop the character of what I am today. I used tobacco and cannabis enjoyed the mushroom world. And of course the liquid spirits of all sorts. But at the very heart of nature have always had a deep connection to the natural world. Especially when eating healthy foods because not they were always delicious, but because I instinctively knew these were essential and good for my well being. Out in the wilderness where I feel at home and so free. One would find me grazing on what ever the land had to offer.  This being said. I steered away from processed foods and the ubiquitous junk food. Pretty much my body has been free of harsh chemicals. So... fast forward to this moment and thought. Chemo therapy. My first reaction to the introduction of that stuff to my body was, to say the least terrifying, mentally and physically. And I knew from the beginning it would be that way. I had a sincere premonition that I would be intensely sensitive to the chemo. And sure enough it was a rodeo I am totally unfamiliar with. We are not talking bulls or broncs. This was a beast from another planet. Finally today I almost feel somewhat normal after a month long pause from the chemical. I had to take time out and evaluate the reality of  how this works for me. Or at least try to understand the concept. Mentally I had to embrace the idea that there are no guarantees that the chemo will improve my life as it endures the cancer. So I'm thinking wow. I'm not feeling well here. I'm sick and need help. I want the best of the best. The most brilliant of doctors and specialists. Well, I've got them in as much as anyone else. These people are informing me they are practicing with the latest information and documented TRIALS.  So they have a play book from previously treated patients. And are applying so of the same prescriptions to help my body fight off the radical cells trying to run my world from the biological sense. My mind, body and soul took a serious hit from the introduction of the chemo.  Yesterday I met with my PCP and discussed things going forward. I clearly pointed out that I can not fathom the idea of feeling or even getting sicker to feel better. I understand the theory, but with the know factor of no proof evidence of cure. That does not frame up with my feelings going forward. So I said to the Dr. I might as well let this thing run its course and enjoy today, the now for what it is and prepare for the inevitable to follow. Imagining myself laid up near the end pushing the button to the morphine. It is the realty of the matter for sure. However I do want to spend more time in this world and experience life to the fullest. Perhaps somehow do something worthwhile, contributing to my fellow beings a good measure of honest works to impact a life in a way positive and encouraging. So that the next oerson might carry the torch to the other. The Dr. and I discussed the concept of low dose chemo. Previously I was scheduled to recieve treatment in 3 week intervals. Which meant I was getting a strong dose. The Dr, explained a weekly appt. would mean much lower dose and the idea being my body would not be drenched in chemo. I'm goiung to give this a go with a positive outlook. Knowing that I will indeed feel the effects. Though perhaps it will not be so intense. And perhaps this is the approach best suited for me. I am hopeful. And perhaps again will I discover I am, in the place, and time I should be.   Thank you for your thoughts and comments and the hearts of encouragement. I do hope my written expressions help and encourage you also. Nobody should endure this solo. Even though it is an attack on our most personal lives which we individually can truly understand from the inside looking out.         ... View more

Not sure about the approach to navigating these pages. I'm writing here to express myself. Perhaps in hope it may even in a small way contribute something to brighten the moment of another. As I believe we as people are destined to inspire those around us. To encourage a positive way forward in life. In this circumstance, one might pause to  evaluate the challenge of cancer. What's next? Why, what happened? There is a host of speculative answers I can imagine. Environmental, genetics, life style choices and in the interest of science, the laws of natural selection. all  of the above  are viable towards understanding the possibility of cause.  When we humans entered into the world of industrialization. We wandered into to the unknown. In the sense of process. And left behind years of toxic blunders. Evident to this very day, In the quest for a better life, economic gain, and even medical research. The scars of our endeavors are oozing toxic waste known to trigger cancer. This is all reflective of our blinded efforts to advance our path forward to a better way of life. We know this to be true today. And we should learn from our mistakes. Furthermore clean up the mess.  I am not well versed in genetics. Though  have to realize there are many factors involved that can alter our individual biology, from generation to generation. Science is on the leading edge of unwinding the wander of DNA sequencing. And correcting the code to write cancer out of the chain. Then lets look at the effects of life style. Which is known to carry over genetically. Especially through our choices to indulge in habits that seem to make us at the very least momentarily feel good in the immediate short term. It could be our desire for the gratification of fast food, high sugar content beverages. Or even worst, artificially sweetened beverages and food. And the list is long with tobacco, drugs. Healthy life styles have for years been neglected. We have been more interested in the immediate gratification of taste. Rather than the benefit of healthy choice. And mother nature. Let us never ever forget we are creatures of this earth. And the laws of natural selection do apply to all of us. Thus cancer can be a controlling factor in how nature screens for genetic excellence. This can be remedied through science as we unlock the codes to isolate the genes.   And finally as a God fearing Christian, I do ask myself how God figures into all of this.  I believe God wants us to learn and grow. He did give us from the very beginning. The freedom of choice. With choice come consequences. Some good and some not so good. Example. Sugar substitutes, we have learned  some cause cancer. Yet the product is still on the market. As are cigarettes. Generally the first one won't kill you. But over a life time it seems those things cause cancer. Now God being God, nothing is beyond His divine ability. He could have chosen to make a perfect world for us. No challenges, no obstacles, no sickness. Happy all the time. No sorrow. From what we know we can't figure the thoughts of God. But He has said much about His being and His intentions and will. I'll put my hope and faith in that. Meanwhile I am experiencing the consequences of chemo therapy. Wow, very uncertain and honestly fearful. As there are no guarantees. There are known side effects. Some of which are extremely obnoxious, debilitating. I question my choice to go forward with the treatment. As I am already sick with the cancer. Now I have to choose to get even sicker with the chemo, with the idea of hope it will in the long run greatly improve the quality and longevity of life on earth for me. I'm at a cross road, I'm asking of the Dr. the questions I feel are important. I want resolve to this cancer. I want to feel better. Especially I want to feel better to the point of enjoying life, feeling life, experiencing life, living live. In doing so it is my desire to hope the best for all and contribute in as much as I know to enhance the lives of those I may encounter in the wander. God Morning from the PNW, USA     ... View more

REALITY, I have been diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable lung cancer which is subject to migrate. Makes a fellow wonder. The treatment plan is radiation followed with chemo, In the interim of all this my employer realizes and recommends to me that I should consider retirement. As of the 15th of August I am retired. And seemingly "In A Minute" became honorably  accepted into the community of senior citizenship. Literally saying I fit the mold. In a few short weeks I have lost  my enjoyable energy levels . And have noticed my  strength has diminished. I picked up my guitar the other day thought I might find my thoughts. The strength in my left hand, the one I use to make chords and finger the fret board. has weakened to the point it requires a serious attention to grip. In order to get some clarity from the strings. I think I can manage with a few daily  exercises. This is becoming a challenge to comprehend.  And the one thing that confounds my thoughts the most. I have never felt comfortable worried about me. I have been in the service of others all my life.  Today it seems that I may not be fit to continue in the way I am familiar with towards offering the helping hand. There is much to do as I see it. Rainbow trout need to know I am still a threat and will stay close to the waters that be. There are countless camp fire to discover   ... View more