Dear Aylaah My deepest condolences to you and your family. Having recently lost a loved one I know there is really nothing anyone can say to take away the pain but I do hope you find comfort and take solace from the people around you who care. Sangeeta ... View more

Hi I too am a cancer widow. My husband had GBM and passed away in December 2009, 10 months after diagnosis. His too was a case of his body giving in and not being able to cope any further with the stress of chemo and the recurrence of the tumour. I would not wish that much pain on anyone. We were married for 11 years and have 2 girls. I am 36, not as young as you, but there is never a good time to lose your partner. I have been seeing a counsellor since May 09 but our sessions now are grief counselling sessions. I can't get my head around the fact that this time last year we didn't know there was anything wrong with him and our lives were so normal. It feels like I blinked and now am living an alternate reality. I am learning that grieving is a long process and that there some breaks I can't fix. What makes it difficult is that the scars I bear are internal and on the outside I look perfectly ok. Hope it goes well with the social worker. Sangeeta ... View more

Sorry to hear your friend has to face all of this again (albeit in a different form). Its hard to be reminded of the frailty of the human body. The human spirit can do wonderful things and I wish for your friend the strength in spirit to fight this next battle. My thoughts are with both of you. Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Sorry no instant fixes but I wish you and your partner better times ahead. Sending positive vibes your way for a new job soon and for a reduction in your stress levels. Take time to breathe. Sangeeta ... View more

Hey Jill Sending hugs your way. You are doing a fantastic job keeping it all together. Its hard to deal with the cancer and the grief of losing the person your husband used to be. While you bear the responsiblity of being his primary carer dont forget also to fulfil your needs. Do everything you need to do so you have a reservoir of memories to tap into in case he gets worse. The last few months of my husband's life, our relationship was filled with such tenderness. I eventually was able to accept the "new" him and to go with it and take whatever he could give. We spent a lot more time talking about nothing in particular, like every day was another lazy Sunday. Dont let the cancer be the focus of everyday, life should be the focus. My hubby also lost his ability to self-censor and I remember one time when we were in a queue and the person before us held us back and let some others through (he had been standing for about 15 minutes by then and just wanted to get in to sit down before he collapsed) and he called her a not so nice name. It bothered for all of 15 seconds because I realised that how she felt should mean nothing to me. Who was she to treat him that way just because he was six foot tall and there didn't seem anything wrong with him (at least not on the outside). Its not his fault that cancer has taken his ability to self-censor so people are just going to have to take him as he is...no need for you to feel bad. I guess what's hardest about the process is the need to face one's own mortality. Keep up the good work and if it helps to talk then blog and make sure you get your share of hugs (thats what I miss the most). Regards Sangeeta ... View more

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Hi I can only tell you my experience with such orders. When my hubby was in hospital the DNR order was explained to me by the neurosurgeon but no pressure was put on me to sign one and I did not sign one. My husband was deteriorating fast and there was a high risk of him having a heart attack. He was already in a lot of pain so any intervention should he have had a heart attack would have just made him more miserable. Point is though I was nto forced to sign one. My husband was then moved to a palliative care unit in Wantirna Health and I was not required to sign one for him to be admitted or when he was there. I was asked what we wanted from his stay at palilative care and because his body was already shutting down and based on his own wishes, we chose minimal intervention and even then only to make him comfortable. So, in my experience, no it is not necessary for a DNR to be signed for admission to a palliative care unit in a public hospital. Hope that helps in some way. ... View more

Hi First off let me say that I acknowledge that I do not know what you have gone through not being a cancer sufferer myself and I mean no offence. I was a carer for my husband who passed away slightly over 5 weeks ago from an aggressive brain tumor. He was only diagnosed in Mar09. I'd like to just offer a little perspective. Just as you feel frustrated with the lot you have been givne to deal with I feel frustrated that there are others given more time to fight and live when we lost him after only a 9 month fight. So, who has the worse lot in life? Noone really because we all have our own burdens to bear and thats what you have to remind yourself because we dont get to see the scars people bear on the inside. In the first few weeks after hubby's death I kept saying to my counsellor that I felt like the whole experience has aged me and that outside my little bubble of me myself and I everyone seemed to have a "lighter" life filled with mundane issues. She then gave me a very good piece of advice. I probaly wont do her justice in my reinterpretation but basically she said that we alienate others by over emphasising or putting our own lives under the microscope. Life is to be lived, shared and enjoyed not over analysed. So, have a whinge when it all gets too much or too annoying but remember your grass patch looks greener from my side of the fence. Regards Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Jill Its now 5 weeks since hubby passed away and still it all seems surreal. The girls and I are coping best we can but sometimes I think that because November and early December was so intense that we are still recovering from that. This time last year hubby was healthy (or so we thought) and we had no clue what was to come. My younger one Reva who is 3 has had lots of questions and yesterday she became really upset when she realised dad will not be joining us on future family holidays. I think it will be awhile before the permanence of death makes sense to her. I went back to work last week. I guess we'll find our new normal eventually. Sangeeta ... View more

Hi Jill I had sleeping pills prescribed last year but took one and like you realised it knocked me around a bit. My dentist (whom I had to go see because I ground my teeth in my sleep so badly that I chipped a tooth) recommended Valerian which can be found in the supermarket health aisle. Its a herbal relaxant. That worked for awhile. I am now taking a cup of tea before bed. Its a tea called "Sleepy time tea" and can also be found in the health aisle. I dont get many hours of sleep but I get at least 5-6 solid hours of dreamless sleep. Its allowed me to gain back some semblance of sanity. :) Take care of yourself....easier said than done but really vital to surviving the experience. Things got so hectic late last year that my treat to myself was a simple 15 minutes midmorning to have a coffee uninterrupted (even by my own thoughts). I'd take a cuppa into the garden and maybe a magazine and for that 15-20 minutes I had my bubble of peace. My thoughts and best wishes are with you. Sangeeta ... View more