Hi All It has been 5 days since my mums funeral.. She passed away after a very short fight with lung cancer.. I just dont get it.. How can someone so wonderful be taken from me.. I feel completely lost without her.. I am putting on a brave face for everyone but I am just crumbling inside.. I feel the sympathy only goes so far from people because she was a smoker.. Even i want to be angry with her but I just love her too much to ever be angry or disappointed with her.. Should she have gone to the doctor earlier?? I know she didnt suffer, it all just happened so quickly.. I just miss her so much.. i dont understand how someone can have a problem that no one can fix.. Everyone, even myself have said "if she could have written the script for her dying days, it would have looked pretty close to what it was" but she's gone and i just want her back so badly.. I feel completely consumed in my own self pitty.. Please tell me it will get easier..... ... View more

To those of you who sent your well wishes after I posted my first blog "Where to start" I would like to say a big Thank You.. Unfortunately my mum passed away on thursday (17/9/09) after a very short but grooling battle with lung cancer.. Mum was only diagnosed with cancer 8 weeks age and we only learnt that it was terminal about 2 weeks ago.. Mum passed away at Holoywood Pallative care unit.. the staff were amazing...Mums admission was a recommendation by her onchologist at her routine appointment on Tuesday. A meeting was organised with our family only 16hrs after mum was admitted. At this meeting we were told that mum would pass anytime from then and the next 48hrs....Mum passed away 29 hrs later... Myself, my dad and my grandmother (mums, mum) never left her side. This has all been such a surreal experience.. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think i would witness a persons last breath, let alone my own mums.. I just dont understand how we got here.. 8 weeks ago we were told her cancer didnt need treatment 2 weeks ago we were told her cancer could be treated but not cured which gave her a prognosis of up to 2 years Friday the 11/9/09 we were told she had a progosis of up to 6 months Then Tuesday we are told she had less than 48hrs... I just don't get it... Last week I was stunned that my life was then all about tests, appointments and medications.. Now its all caskets, burial plots and viewings. I cant believe we are expected to organise all this stuff when I feel like my heart and world was been ripped apart only days ago.. Mums funeral is this Thursday.. I just want his week to be over with.. I dont know how to process what has happened with so much going on.. I seem to only have time to cry when I am laying in bed trying to fall asleep... I wake every morning exhausted as I dont know if I have slept or just cried the night away... I may be regarded to as "The Rock." But this little rock feels like it is crumbling as it goes rolling of the cliff... ... View more

My mum had just been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She only found out on Wednesday 8/9/09 and attempted suicide almost immediately.. My father has completed crumbled and at this point not able to make decisions regarding care for mum. I have now organised "silver chain hospice service" and even that was a shock as i am aware this service is only available for people with less than 6 months.. It's all happening sooo quickly. Mum only became unwell 2 months ago. Three months ago i was just plodding along, now its all, hospitals, tests, appointments, suicide, tears and grief.. And we still have the funeral to look forward to... I don't really know what i'm doing. I cant believe i'm the one that everyone is calling "the rock" and i'm not sure its a role a want. I am so afraid for my own mental well being.. i know there are so many people out there going through the same thing, but this is so new to me.. I have always felt like the luckiest person on Earth as my family has never had to experience grief or loss.. My daughter has a complex form of epilepsy which affects her learning and that has BY FAR been the most overwhelming experience of our families life... I feel so unprepared, i feel so overwhelmed and I am just soooo sad... ... View more