Hi Jo, As you may have read on previous posts of mine, I have had 'issues' in the past with feeling like people don't care. Some people have surprised me by their 'absence' and others have surprised my by 'stepping up to the plate' when they are not someone I would have regarded as a 'close' friend, more like an aquaintance. Other people have come out of the woodwork (we don't see or hear from them for months/years) and as soon as they hear about Greg's diagnosis, they want to come around and 'catch up', almost like it is to make them feel less guilty for not being around previously. Most of those people we see/hear from once and then it's a loooooooooonnnnnnngggggg time between hearing from them again. I don't have the energy or inclination to bother with anybody right now. The christmas card list will be well and truly culled for next year, not that I bothered to send ANY this year. The people who have been there for me in these last couple of weeks are the people I will be focussing on. If someone else has a problem with that, then that is their problem. I've got enough of my own, without taking on theirs as well! Friendship is a two-way thing. It can't rest on one party to be the giver all the time and receive little in return. It is give and take,when one is down, the other is supportive, and vice-versa. Not sure that I've said what I was trying to say very clearly, basically right now I suggest you focus on Rob and yourself, true friends will understand and support you and be there for you long term. Everyone else can get knotted! Jill ... View more

Hi Julie, I haven't been feeling very festive, all my usual pre-Christmas activities have fallen by the wayside this year. The carols on Christmas Eve always make me feel like it is really Christmas. I have just helped the boys choose a christmas cookie and piece of rocky road with some coca cola for Santa, and the reindeer have carrot and water on the front lawn (the boys are worried the kangaroos will get to it before the reindeer do, they could be right!!) We have hung the key on the door, our eldest son told me it didn't fit our lock, but I told him that it only works for Santa, we don't want just anybody being able to get in!! Hope that brings some christmas cheer to people, christmas really does come alive when there are children around. My very best wishes to you and all on the site for a day filled with precious memories, old and new, love and laughter with family and friends. Jill xx ... View more

Thanks Julie, What are you doing up at this time of the day??!! I will see how I go today in making contact with some counsellors that I have already been too earlier in the 'journey'. I felt comfortable with both of them and having started a 'relationship' with them, would probably be easier to keep going with them if I can. Obviously it will depend on whether they are going to be available when I need them, so will get back to you once I know a bit more. Thanks so much, Jill. ... View more

Thanks Nicole and Alana, Your acknowledgement is appreciated, I know there are no words to say, just having you message is something I am grateful for. I got a few hours sleep, Greg is having a lot of his hiccup/belch/burp stuff happening and it doesn't stop while he is trying to sleep. There are lots of strange bodily noises going on as a result and it is difficult for either of us to get a decent rest. I ended up going to the spare room for a couple of hours (Dad didn't stay here last night, so I could use that room)and while I was in there I did get a bit of sleep. I went back to our bed around 4.30am but have to be honest, just lay there thinking and then tried to stop myself thinking. Thought I might as well get up and come online and see what I found. A friend is taking Greg to radiation treatment today, so her two boys will stay with me and our boys. Our boys are looking forward to that. Jill xx ... View more

Hi wifeyb, Sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. It comes as such a shock and turns your whole world upside down. Finding a balance between the role of wife, mum and carer, in a nutshell, it's bloody hard work. I found that my children were my number one priority, simply because they are more dependent on me. Naturally you are a wife too, however hopefully your husband has a little more patience and understanding than your children do! Sometimes I found that I simply had to be wife and mum and take the carer hat off for a while. You will need to be sure to take care of yourself, as you are the one caring for everyone else. It is really hard to accept, but when help is offerred, take it. In small bits at first if you have to. Taking care of your children is obviously a priority, I found it easier to accept offers of help that related to the children, eg. playdates, picking up from school etc. You know your children best and trust your instinct, even when you feel like you're not sure, you are probably closer to the mark than you think. I found it really hard to ask for help when it came to something for me, I thought I was being selfish, but it is all part of the coping strategy that you will need to develop. One thing I did after my husband's diagnosis, was to make up a spreadsheet/register of people who offerred help. When they said, "If there's anything I can do, call me anytime" I asked them to add their name to the list, with all their contact numbers and when they WEREN'T available, eg. weekly sporting committment, work etc. Whilst most of the people were people that I already had a number for, or could have easily got their number, I felt it showed them that I was taking their offer seriously by getting them to write it all down AND it was one less thing I had to do. I carried a clipboard around with me, with the register in it and then got people to complete it as soon as they offerred to help. I take it with me whenever I am out, so that I can easily contact people if I need to. The reason I asked them to put down when they were not available, is I didn't want to make 10 phone calls to people who were busy on a Wednesday afternoon. I could look at the list and say OK don't bother ringing that person, try this one first. Sometimes, no........ lots of times, you are going to feel over-whelmed and isolated, that there is no-one that you can talk to who understands how you are feeling. When cancer enters your husband's body, it enters YOUR LIFE and that of your children. Everyone has to learn to adjust because life simply is not the same as it was. When you are feeling overwhelmed and/or isolated, come online here, post your feelings, no-one will judge you and it makes such a difference when you can express exactly how you are feeling, warts and all, no need to put on the brave face or the 'be positive' front. There are people here who understand the range of emotions you are likely to experience. I wish you and your family all the best at this very difficult and challenging time. Kind regards, Mrs Elton ... View more

Hi Julie, Thanks for the cyber hugs, can use all that we can get right now. We will be doing our best to have a good day on Christmas day, I've just been wrapping presents, Greg helped with some, I think we have gone a bit overboard this year, not just with our boys, but with the whole extended family. The presents aren't what really matters but to the kids they do. We will have to take lots of photos and video.I will probably be behind the camera for most of it, cos I think I will be a blubbering mess if I think too much about it. I'm not intending to tell the boys until after Christmas, I want to try and get some family counselling sessions organized and in place. This time of year it is difficult as so many people/services are taking time off, naturally. I'm thinking a weekly session for the boys might be helpful. Better try and get some sleep, Jill. ... View more

Hey Cats, Not sure where you are, but here in WA, it is still your birthday, so I hope that you are still celebrating!!! So glad to hear that you have enjoyed your day! Happy Birthday! Best wishes, Jill. ... View more

Sailor, You always have the right words!!! Like everyone else, I hope this level is a 'glitch' and I hope that the next three months can pass without 'too much' worry but with plenty of scotch and sodas!! and the odd 'bugger'!! to help pass the time! Jill. ... View more