4.30am

[willow]

Hi. 4.20am. Cant sleep. Thanks 4 ur replies. It is looking like i might have 2 go back in2 surgery. I have pain & am not coping with all this. I should never have agreed 2 the operation. I was doing ok. I lie here thinking, i survivef cancer (for now) and this will probably fimish me off. A little dramatic - maybe - but the tears are coming again and i feel so alone amd as if noone understands. This was supposed 2 b an easy procedure. I feel as if i am jinxed, as if maybe this is my time. I need 2 stop now. Im being silly . There are so many people out there so much worse off than me. I will try and sleep . I just want 2 go home & cuddle my cats. You would think that after all the cancer treatment this would be easy - but i am being a real sook at times and shaking when they come near me to treat me. My pain thresh hold is nil. Thanks again 4 letting me talk. It calms me down cause i feel like im chatting (whinging) 2 friends who do understand & dont judge me as being a little crazy ( even if i am) I hope u all slept well and have a good day whereever u are. All the best and thankyou again for listening, Willow xo

[#2]

Hi Willow, You are not whinging, i for one did and still do try to express myself and what i am feeling as it all helps,you are not doing it alone as we are all with you on your road to recovery. Hopefully you will get some well earned sleep and rest. TC Dave

[Vicki_Anne]

Hi Willow, We are thinking of you and its not whinging to vent out your feelings. Especially as we all have some idea of what you're going through. Take care of yourself and know these feelings are natural and ok. As long as you can still see the light. Cheers Vicki

[samex]

Hi Willow, 4.30 is such a terrible time at the best of times. You know that you can "talk" freely here. Can you share what is happening to you? Would that help at all? Hoping that today was better for you. S

[Jules2]

Aaah, willow ... i was also awake at that hour this morning. Just a few jitters before my checkup in Perth today. Got the all clear btw. You are not silly or crazy ... you are just fragile from your previous experience and that is totally understandable. I hope you managed to get some sleep as that really helps with healing inner and outer. Julie xo

[Zen-moment]

Hi Willow Lots of thoughts and healing wishes to you! I agree with others that it's understandable how you're feeling - we get traumatised by the whole experience, and you are just reacting as one who has to face stuff that feels too hard. Is there someone there on the staff - maybe a good nurse, chaplain, social worker, who you could talk to, and maybe get some help with your current situation? Hang in there - this will pass, and you'll be back cuddling those cats! Lots of strength to you, Zen

[bev]

Hello Willow, Have you tried calling the helpline 131120? They have trained staff on that line and are there 5 days a week from 9:00am. I was stressing myself out before I had my first colonscopy, had a good cry over the phone to them and then they asked for my phone number. A few weeks later, when everything settled down, just out of the blue I received a phone call back from them to make sure that I was ok. I also do volunteer work at our local cancercare centre and always recommend to patients and even carers to call that number. It is good to know that you are anonymous with them too. They will ask your name, so they can call you by your name while talking to you. Never think that you are whinging while on here either. We all understand what you are going through.