its been eight weeks now and i miss him more than ever... its different now. Instead of waking up daily crying and not being able to do basic things, i get up, feed myself do what i do for the day (not back at work yet) and get on with it... the only thing is i find myself having these flashbacks of stuff... his death, his sickness.. the happier memories. I'l just stare in to space and think of him. I miss him so much.. his smell, the way he'd play with my hair until id fall asleep, the way he'd hug me and id feel as if all my problems have been taken away.... now i go to bed alone, i sit at a table of couples alone... i dont miss his cancer, i dont miss his pain.. but oh my god how i miss my husband. My beautiful, sexy husband! He was my whole world... we were a team. I promised him we'd always be a team. There's no I in team and thats what i am now. I. Im missing my other half like a part of my body is missing. Its there... im living with it. Thats it now... living with it. Not happy. Not moving on. Just living with it...
