Not where i thought id be

[Rubes1984]

The last few wks have been tough; I've been feeling quite down, even depressed, very angry and finding myself getting very frustrated at myself and others. Seems my memory and cognitive abilities have gone off on a lovely holiday together and have no intention of coming back. Haven't been sleeping great, feeling very sick, tired and sore..... Bloods came back last Wed showing I was neutropenic, very low red bloods cells too and my platelets were all out of wack. Last wk has sucked limiting what I eat (no fruit, nothing raw) and only having heated or well cooked; spending heaps of time resting or in bed; taking horse sized antibiotics to help me fight a mild yet uncomfortable cold (horrible headaches, aches, pains, sniffing, running nose) and feeling SICK - someties I can feel kinda normal and not like a cancer patient. So last wk chemo was postponed but bloods were safe enough to progress this wk. I'm half way through my chemo regime and then will have a full ct scan in next month. Hopefully we will get some good results from this scan and maybe some normality can return to our lives..... Something we both crave so much...... Killing me to watch dan in so much stress, pain and fear actually watching stress make him physically and mentally sick. Trying to refocus this wk and learn from this rollercoaster ride, to see why I was chosen to fight cancer and how our lives can be made better by this experience. Its hard sometimes to see the positives in such a negative time and place in our lives..... "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I need to be" Douglas Adam

[little_stitcher]

Hey Rubes, it sounds like you've really been through the ringer. I'm sending you ((((((hugs))))))) and heaps of good wishes- I hope your scan results are great.

[SILLY]

Sorry to see that you're having such a tough time . I've never had chemo but from others have seen that it can be very difficult . I hope it doesn't get worse ,only better . Despite being a bit down I can tell you're still trying to be positive . I hope your scan shows a positive improvement too. Be kind to yourself . I never tried to figure out why I got cancer .Still wish that it hadn't happened .The only positive for me was making new online friends .

[Jules2]

Hi Rubes I felt very angry when I was going through treatment. I had to figure out why and what I was angry about and then I could sort of work through it a bit and get a bit of normality back into my thinking. I hope your flu/cold is getting better for you and that your bloods hang in there to enable you to finish your treatment. It is always a bit "tenterhooks" time waiting to have a scan and then subsequent results. Don't be too hard on yourself. Most often we treat ourselves way harder than we would anyone else that was going through the same thing as us. Thinking of you. Julie

[loz]

Hi Rubes I am a bit like Silly and havent have chemo but have watched my mum, cousin and sister in law all go through this and sound like you are doing it tough. Hang in their, remember the expression, What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Sending you good wishes and positive thoughts. Loz x

[Rikki]

Hi Rubes So sorry you are doing it so tough. My chemo didn't effect me so badly but they all seem to be a bit different. Sending you good wishes, hang in there. We are all cheering for you Rikki

[suzie_s]

Hang in there Rubes! We are all stronger than we think we are - you can do this!

[Rubes1984]

Thanks everyone for ur comments, I am barely hanging in here..... Keep thinking tomorrow is a new day and it can only get bette.... Fingers crossed breathing gets a bit easier this wk (lol ha that made me laugh, a lung cancer patientbreath easy with half lung). Ok maybe bad taste but that is still making me laugh Lol. Take care of each other, Talk more soon :) Rubes

[Kasa]

Hi Rubes Hang in there!!! I've just been through the chemo bit, only lasted one lot of chemo, bloods fell through the floor. Platelets so low that my blood wouln't clot, neutrophils nearly disappeared completely, and I ended up anemic. I've had a blood transfusion. Three weeks in hospital, no treatment at all for a month. I only had 11 sessions of radiation. They gave me an interim scan and the tumour has disappeared OMG!!! Back to complete the radiation just to make sure the sucker has gone for good. (also changed oncologists which is making a huge difference) Half the battle with this is remaining positive. Give Dan a big hug, and make sure you rest!!!!! Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way

[Rubes1984]

Kasa what fantastic news about ur scan results! And I say continue with treatment plan to be sure u kick that suckers butt! Having great news like that makes this whole pros a little bearable :) Thinking of u, keeping kmy fingers crossed for much more positive news to come. Rubes

[Rubes1984]

Kasa what fantastic news about ur scan results! And I say continue with treatment plan to be sure u kick that suckers butt! Having great news like that makes this whole process a little bearable :) Thinking of u, keeping my fingers crossed for much more positive news to come. Rubes

[Kasa]

Thanks Rubes It certainly was news I wasn't expecting. Especially as the original oncologist was telling me I wasn't going to get well. I'm having the problems with the swallowing, finding it's worse in the morning. If it's getting painful speak to your nurses. I've had a few different things I've been using, mainly a difflam gargle which can numb your throat (you don't swallow it), just check with them and see what is available and suitable for where you are at. I'm finding that if I chew each mouthful as much as possible its less painful. Hope this helps. My new oncologist said that we (young women with lung cancer)are more likely to get through this, especially if they caught it early enough. So fingers crossed for both of us 🙂

[SILLY]

Rubes ,I hope Kasa has helped you greatly . Glad you had good news ,Kasa .