Pushing people,friends and family away

[missy_moo]

Does anybody get to the point where they just push certain people away for any type pf reason. I get to the point where i feel i can't cope and handle certain people now and there lives in general. Is this normal? Am i being irrational? Confused? Thanks Missy Moo

[Sailor]

Hi Missy Moo No you are not being irrational, you are being very normal. It is a feeling that I and many others have expressed from time to time. You are having to deal with a lot and don't need some of the trivialities of saome other people. Hang in there. Sailor Any fool can carry on, but a wise man knows how to shorten sail in time. Joseph Conrad

[Jules2]

Hey missy moo, Although we have an age difference you and i seem to run parallel in feelings and experiences. 🙂 Am doing the difficulty with coping with friends thing. Family is fine with me but i am having problems with friends who expect me to be the same and i am not. I am changed quite dramatically and that is a normal experience because having cancer and treatment is life changing. Only problem is my friends cannot and do not want to see that and they havent really changed. Terribly difficult to get our heads around i find. Do we forsake our friends? Some of these people i have known for over 20 years ... it is a lot to just throw away but i am finding it difficult to deal with. Julie xo

[Teacher_Mum]

Hi Missy Moo, Do it all the time, it has become part of my predictable repertoire my husband says - wanting to run away and escape from it all and we will do anything we can to push people away whilst trying to get 'the hell out of here' wherever here is for us. Absolutely and totally normal Missy Moo - take it from someone who has divorced her husband in word oh, about 37 times in a month or so 🙂 generally before the blood tests are due or I am scheduled to have something done 🙂 xxxx Teach.

[samex]

Hi Missy Moo, Ditto what the others have said. Unlike Jules I have found a core group of friends to be unbelievably supportive and understanding and in fact I am one of the rare people I think, who have work colleagues who make allowances. This has been particularly true since I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety as well. My immediate family(husband and sons) on the other hand, do not want to know anything about either my cancer or mental illness. With this in mund, I often wish that I could runa away to the Buddhist temple at Wollongong and just hide. I lost a great friend in June 2008 who dealt with cancer and chemo at the same time that I was (his was much more protracted than mine) and the other day I really missed him as I realised how true his words were that only those of us who have experiencd it, really understand. As I have written about in other posts, sometimes the trivialities of the lives of others is frustrating. Irrational - never. Just trying to manage. Take it easy, S

[#6]

Hi there Missy Moo, No i don't think you're being irrational cos there are too many of us that feel the same way. We can't all be irrational can we. I'm frequently pushing people away without even thinking about it & i agree with the others because i find i get very frustrated listening to other peoples trivialities. I just wanna scream sometimes. I agree with Julie that having cancer is life changing & what i get angry & frustrated about is when others expect us to be back to "normal" like nothing's happened & when i try to explain a few home truths they either don't want to hear the truth or just choose not to listen! That's one of the reasons i push them away & just can't be bothered with them & i just want to run away to a deserted island! 😄 :) Unfortunately i think unless you've been through it you will never totally understand....worst luck hey? Take care Missy Moo cos you are not alone Mez 🙂

[missy_moo]

Hi all, Thank you for your comments and useful advice too, gosh i thought i was the only one feeling this way since being diagnosed with B.cancer...obviously not! I sure do feel normal now and i guess i shouldn't feel bad the way i feel too, especially what i have been through and other cancer patients have ( which all of you have experienced too). I think its society, family and friends expecting us to move on and to forget about what had happened to us which isn't realistic and not possible.I guess we have moments where we don't think about cancer but cmon its always going to be with us even if we are cured or not.... so i have decided i am only going to have the people i want in my life and the ones who are not important who cares for them and what they have to say....

[Jules2]

Hey Missy moo It is a hard decision i find. Some of my friends that are not understanding have been friends with me for some years now and i am finding it quite difficult to have to deal with their "not being able to understand" or perhaps it is just that they dont want to understand. Either way it leaves us both with a situation ... i am not sure i can walk completely away from the friendship and i dont really want to either. So i am kind of putting a bit of space in there and hoping that things will resolve a bit as time goes on. Think i must be a pacifist. lol Julie xo

[chris_martin]

Hi there. I am coming from a different point of view from you. It is not friends but my brothers who I am pushing away as they can only say about my beautiful dad "he is old and we all have to go sometime" but at least I know how my dad feels and he is coming tomorrow for 2 weeks and I think he is ready to move in with me and let me take care of him which is what I want and as far as my brothers are concerned well I think that is their loss and I am so tired of trying to get them on my side. I am just so happy that dad wants to spend his time with me. I just want my dad to be happy and at the moment he is saying that is what he wants for me. So to hell with my brothers. Their loss !! Chrisxo