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So Angry

Sunshine006au
April 2012
I am feeling so angry at the moment, Im angry that dad is not here with us anymore, Im so angry at that rotten cancer for taking him away from us, Im angry at what the cancer done to dad, how he fought his battle with such strength always putting us first,I Miss Him so much, that rotten disease has taken away a wonderful man, my mum is so depressed & she is so lost without him, we are all lost without him, I keep seeing dad as he was in the hospital & it breaks my heart, I hope one day thoses images will be replaced with happier ones, ones of the times we spent together, laughing & just being happy together.I just can't accept that Dad has gone... To all you beautiful & Brave people fighting this hideous disease, to the wonderful carers looking after their loved ones, I wish you Strength & I send Big (((HUGS))) to you all. Love Alison xxx
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13 Comments
wombat4
Contributor
April 2012
Hi Alison, I know what you and your family are going through.I have been going through the same since my wife died 21/12/11 58yr of age from colorectal cancer. I feel that my heart has been ripped out. I do not feel anger there seems no point, but I do feel an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness, that I think I will never get over. Its not only the loss of my soul mate but the loss of the future we had planned, a simple low key retirement, but even that was too much to ask for. I am sorry for your families loss Alison, you are not alone in this. It seems so so unnecessary and unfair. wombat
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Sunshine006au
Contributor
April 2012
Thankyou Wombat, the pain is so unbearable, such a hideous disease, it takes far too many people. I am like you & feel I will never ever recover from the loss, Dad was my world, my bestfriend.....
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lizzie1040
New Contributor
April 2012
I feel the same most days now... I feel your loss, I to lost my best friend to this terrible (C) word. You are not alone.... lizzie1040
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Sunshine006au
Contributor
April 2012
Hi Lizzie, it doesn't get any easier, we lost a work mate this morning to this hideous disease...
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SILLY
Super Contributor
April 2012
I think it is natural to feel anger when someone very close to us dies,whether from cancer or some other means and more so if you think they should 've had many years yet to live . I felt that way at my dad's funeral and mostly because I felt it was wrong that my mum was widowed with children. The anger soon passed and then there was sadness,later a sad acceptance .The acceptance took many years but the sadness never really went away.I did learn to live with it.
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lizzie1040
New Contributor
April 2012
I know I go for more test results on tuesday next week. I wish there was a way to handle this (C) word better than what I am trying to do at the moment..
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Sunshine006au
Contributor
April 2012
Thank you for that Silly... How are you ?
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Sunshine006au
Contributor
April 2012
Hi Lizzie, I pray the test results are good news xxx
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SILLY
Super Contributor
April 2012
I'm well and pretty happy thanks .I hope you will be able to say that later.
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chris_martin
Contributor
April 2012
Hi Alison. I have been reading your posts since you started here. I too lost my beautiful dad to cancer 19 months ago. My dad was my best friend and my rock in life. He was only one I could talk to when I had a problem. Everyone else could see he didn't have much time left but not ME. I was in total denisl and was even making plans for him to come and live with me. I was shattered when he went and even 19mths on I still cry at the drop of a hat. The only thing that gets me through now is all the beautiful, warm, funny memories I have of our times together and even though he is not here no one can ever take those memories away. I chat with him every day and I can "feel" he is around me. And when I do lose it and cry I just have to relive those memories and then find myself laughing with him. But I would give ANYTHING just to give him one more hug and tell him I love him but he knew that even at the end. So with my experience the hurt never goes away but it can feel better thinking of all those great wonderful and fun times you had with your dad. Take care. Chris
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chris_martin
Contributor
April 2012
Hi Alison. I have been reading your posts since you started here. I too lost my beautiful dad to cancer 19 months ago. My dad was my best friend and my rock in life. He was only one I could talk to when I had a problem. Everyone else could see he didn't have much time left but not ME. I was in total denisl and was even making plans for him to come and live with me. I was shattered when he went and even 19mths on I still cry at the drop of a hat. The only thing that gets me through now is all the beautiful, warm, funny memories I have of our times together and even though he is not here no one can ever take those memories away. I chat with him every day and I can "feel" he is around me. And when I do lose it and cry I just have to relive those memories and then find myself laughing with him. But I would give ANYTHING just to give him one more hug and tell him I love him but he knew that even at the end. So with my experience the hurt never goes away but it can feel better thinking of all those great wonderful and fun times you had with your dad. Take care. Chris
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chris_martin
Contributor
April 2012
Hi Alison. I have been reading your posts since you started here. I too lost my beautiful dad to cancer 19 months ago. My dad was my best friend and my rock in life. He was only one I could talk to when I had a problem. Everyone else could see he didn't have much time left but not ME. I was in total denisl and was even making plans for him to come and live with me. I was shattered when he went and even 19mths on I still cry at the drop of a hat. The only thing that gets me through now is all the beautiful, warm, funny memories I have of our times together and even though he is not here no one can ever take those memories away. I chat with him every day and I can "feel" he is around me. And when I do lose it and cry I just have to relive those memories and then find myself laughing with him. But I would give ANYTHING just to give him one more hug and tell him I love him but he knew that even at the end. So with my experience the hurt never goes away but it can feel better thinking of all those great wonderful and fun times you had with your dad. Take care. Chris
0 Kudos
Sunshine006au
Contributor
April 2012
Thankyou Chris, yes memories are all we have, I was like you, all my family could see Dad slipping away but I couldn't, I look at photo's from the past few months & now I can see that dad was getting weaker but at the time I couldn't... I was going to resign from my job so I could care for dad at home but the Dr's told me he wasn't well enough to come home,but I still wouldn't accept that dad was slipping away. The day that dad passed over I sat with him, held his hand, read to him, massaged his feet, brushed his hair, talked to him & when dad took his final breath I had my head laying on his chest, he passed very peacefully surrounded with all of the family. I love him & miss him so much. Thankyou for your kind words Chris, I don't feel so alone now. xxx
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