Still Grieving

[stargazer]

My husband has been gone 11 weeks today.I miss him so much. The days do get easier and the crying well....I am doing well much better than I thought in fact I am proud of myself. I played songs today that were played at my husbands funeral and managed to listen to them without the tears.I sometimes describe grieving as a disease because it comes to you without warning.One minute your laughing next the tears will appear.Today I have felt really good but after finishing a conversation tonight with my 86 year old father in law it happened the tears.I absolutely hate the cancer so much for what it has done to my beautiful family.....tears again.....

[brandee]

hi i completely understand how your feeling i lost my 24 yr old son last mth he had a terminal brain tumor. when my son was initally diagnosed with gbm tumor he was 21, we have all been on a rollercoaster ride & still are. somethings bring me comfort while others sadden me. i was on another cancer forum & a lady - spouse Carer said she was grieving when her partner was still alive, he also had gbm tumor & has passed away. yes cancer is a cruel way to go our son was passionate about donating his brain to research which he did & also his eyes he donated, with his eyes he has helped 2 middle age men we are very proud of our son he endured alot through out his journey but never complained. it surely plays havoc on our emotions sometimes on a daily basis.

[katjack]

Yes I lost my partner 13 weeks tomorrow.He lived 10 months after being diagnosed with lung cancer. It really does hit home. It was at two and a half months that I started to cry less, and able to laugh, but I still think of him most of my waking minutes, and yes it hurts like hell. I often feel like I will never live normally again, but like you, I am proud of myself.I get up and go to work 5 days a week, and I have started putting a lot of that energy into doing changes into the backyard.finishing what he started, which I think were his intentions.I look at earlier photo's and feel sad, very sad that those days are gone, never to be repeated, but then I look at more recent photo's, and they inspire me to keep going, as he'd have wanted me to do.

[purpleangels]

Hi there! My husband died 16 weeks ago from a rare form of cancer in his peritoneum. I agree that the days can pass by without tears, but then something will set them off. I had to go to a funeral for a friend's father this week....also died of cancer.....and bawled like a baby throughout, although I had only met him a couple of times and I was dry eyed at my husband's service....... Too raw still........I guess....... Grief is a weird thing.........some times all consuming, then others, barely there. I take great strength from the fact that my husband is no longer in pain, not constantly vomiting and not constantly on the toilet...... Cancer is horrific. Have just finished tucking my children into bed...... Snoring softly both of them, no cares in the world, but tomorrow they will wake up and the reality of no dad will hit them square in the face again....... Life is certainly cruel.........but I guess I have no choice but to continue on, the best way I know....hopefully I won't stuff these children up......I sometimes think I am so not capable of being a single parent.......but I have no other choice now. That is what I am grieving the most......the normal life that we had planned. One day at a time..... PA

[katjack]

I don't know about you guys, but I still have days when it's still a shock to realize that not only is he not here now, but worse, he's never going to be here again. I have had a photo enlarged which has him looking totally relaxed (though sick) laying across the bed showing the camera, the book he had just received for his birthday (from me)"This is your life" full of photo's from when he was born right up till this photo was taken. It is this photo that encourages me to keep going. I look at it, and talk to it as often as I feel inclined, and imagine that the words "This is your life" are for me too. It helps! While anything we might do, might seem strange to others, we have to do what we have to, to help ourselves through this. And PA,I'm sure you will be fine as a single parent, because as you say, you have no choice, and also, you know that your children need you now more than ever, and as you help them, you'll help yourself....and yes it is one day at a time!

[maddie86]

hi there! my husband died six months ago and honestly at the beggining i thought i was going crazy. I was so happy then sad then restless... i ended up in hospital because i got so sick... six months on and im so much better... i actually feel so guilty because im no longer crying everyday like i used to... i have gone back to work, been on a holiday and have done many things.... i go out with friends and always try and get out of my comfort zone... time is a healer... its so cliche' but honestly time is the only thing that will get you through this... i feel each month as the day he died passes i get better and better... dont get me wrong im still so sad and think of him everyday but i no longer have that heavy heart feeling... i do have days where im angry at the world and cant believe he is actually dead but now i see hope for my future! i hope you feel you can message me anytime you need...take care! maddie

[brandee]

yeh i do too have days when it seems so surreal. i have a beautiful canvas photo in our bedroom of our son that brings me comfort whenever i look at it which is often. our son would want us to continue on enjoying ourselves but at present it is hard to do. without warning a thought, image or something someone says or i see something i know my son would of liked saddens me, its daily emotions that i go through on a daily basis. i find too when someone is speaking to me that my mind drifts to thinking about my son even though some times the subject we are talking about normally wouldnt trigger the thoughts & emotions that i find myself experiencing. somedays i just want to scream im not sure if that would make me feel better in the moment but thats how i feel at the time. at our sons memorial service we released 24 butterflies in honor of our son. within the first few wks that followed on 2 different occassions i had 2 beautiful butterflies that flew around closeby. i know i just have to take each day as it comes & go with my emotions im feeling at the time.

[katjack]

Thank you Maddie. I agree time heals.I am doing better now than a month ago.It's 3 months today!And you do have to move on, other wise you can be left behind by friends and family.It is very difficult for me to imagine the future without him because he was it! I was married for a lot of years to some one else , then divorced. When my man did finally come along, he was without a doubt the one I was intended for. He gave me the love I had been craving for, so now I have to adjust to that not being here. I am starting to venture out a little, and I'm starting to think holiday too, so that must be some where on the way. It sounds like you went through a rough period. It's good you are going so well now. :)

[katjack]

I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to respond, and I'm sorry you have lost your son. My mother has lost 3 children through another illness that the gene runs through the family(I escaped it, and it has been shocking for her over the years fearing, then watching and the dying. But she plods along.She lost my father the same way so many tears ago. community things, still does meals on wheels at 83 and still puts us into place. She has told me that a day never goes by without thinking of them all,but you have to keep going. For my part, I have watched mum over the years and all I can put it down to is she inherited the strength(toughness)from her dad. With me, its been tough watching and loosing all these people, but nothing compared to loosing my man.I actually had a medium talk to me recently, and I know not all are for this, or believe, and I have always been sceptical, but when it hits close, it's amazing how it can affect. My man came through strong, and told me outright through the medium what I needed to know with an issue that,s popped up. It helped me lots, but the risk in this is not being able to let go. I have a choice of letting go with no communication, or getting what I can as I need, and continuing on as I have been.It's tough.The medium told me we were together in a past life, which is why our connection is so strong. I hope you have other children, because it is those that helps my mother, in particular my young brother, who was her driving force in early days to keep going. 🙂

[jobeth]

I'm two weeks yesterday from my husband's death. The grief is so hard to predict or understand. I'm ok but I'm not really. I'm strong and yet I find some days almost impossible to get through. I don't know if its depression or extreme sadness. But as its been described somewhere else, it's like an illness. I try so hard to control it, but I'm fooling myself, it has me under its control. Time, people say. Patience. I can't imagine what this time next year will be like but I'm looking forward to it getting here. Thinking of you all, Jo x