Blogs - Page 172

so its not been an easy past few weeks for me. but that is nothing in comparison to what my dad must be dealing with right now. He's been keeping me at a distance with everything since i returned from the USA about 6 weeks ago. I knew this wasn't going to be easy... caring for him and being his crutch, but i believed i was strong enough to hide my emotions from him so he wouldn't feel bad. My goal has been to make sure he is happy and has what he needs and wants from the very beginning.

Most devastating for me is my best friend of 40 years has chosen not to be my best friend anymore. The relationship will never be restored to what it was before the big c. It's all about loss. Loss of health, job,financial losses, body parts lost to be replaced with neuropathy, fatigue,brain fog etc... I've filled at least eight journals. Not one single friend has stuck with me. Enlightenment in the discovery of the majority humans incapable of unconditional love absent of judgement. A lesson to me about the "friends" I had chosen truly of such low caliber and quality.

I have had my first surgery to remove the huge melanoma from my head, and I will be seeing the specialist head and neck surgeon tomorrow to discuss upcoming operation. I am still in good spirits ( vodka and baileys) and while I have down days, on the whole I am doing well. Financially though life is sucking hairy dogs balls. My husband and I only recently bought our first home and moved far away from family and friends obviously not expecting this silly cancer to pop up.

well im due to marry my beautiful fiance in oct.. he wants to book everything asap.. as horrible as it sounds im so worried he wont be well enough by that stage... he is terminal and for now though everything is stable... no chance and lymph nodes have shrunk.. ive tried talking to him about it and he gets really angry.. i feel really shit knowing we will be a married couple and we wont even be in our own home as we both live with our parents due to the circumstances.. we usually alternate between houses but it doesnt seem the same...